UnNews:"Reality TV is Not a Proper News Story" Shocker
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"Reality TV is Not a Proper News Story" Shocker
We distort, you deride
Wednesday, March 29, 2017, 17:18:UTC)(
15 March 2007
Journalists across the United Kingdom were in shock today when it was scientifically proven that Reality TV does not constitute "news". The UK tabloid press dedicates approximately 90% of it's content to discussing shows such as Big Brother and I'm a Celebrity. The broadsheets are slightly more balanced, devoting only 25% of their coverage to this topic. Except the Financial Times, which devotes over 100% of its' coverage.
Part Smonce, sub-editor for the Sun, said the following "I'm fucked, literally fucked. I've sent nearly all of my team to interview Shilpa Shetty after she has tea with the Queen. I've got one guy out covering the Blair Assassination, but who wants to read about that? Apart from that, we've got the tits. Tits are good, tits sell papers. But we can't have a paper made up only of tits. We are a family publication after all"
This information has only recently come to light, after a 3 year long, £200trillion research project. Dr Wayne bin Laden, project leader, commented thus "Yeah, the results took us by surprise as well, especially as we had originally been commissioned to study Mel Gibsons solar plexus. Oh well, lives and learns, don'cha?"
Anybody looking to support journalists at this, their darkest hour, can make a pledge by simply dialling the following number: 666. Just ask for Satan.