UnNews:"Posh Spice" snubbed by Chanelle "out of Big Brother"
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"Posh Spice" snubbed by Chanelle "out of Big Brother"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 6, 2016, 11:09:UTC)(
17 August 2007
FORMER Pop "singer" Victoria Beckham was hoping to meet UK Big Brother superstar Chanelle Hayes, herself a world renowned 'Posh Spice' lookalike, who jetted into Los Angeles yesterday afternoon to "try and marry a famous actor or something" The 63-year-old hag was however to be bitterly disappointed.
Victoria was hoping to cash in on Chanelles's high spirits after she "managed to catch the eye of Charlton Heston" by trying to blag her way into a VIP toilet cubical where Chanelle Spice was attempting to locate Heston's withered manhood.
But it turned out that Chanelle wasn't having none of it and ordered her people to keep the blonde out, "and rough the stuck up bitch up a bit". Victoria was then led to a back alley and summarily knee-capped and garotted to within an inch of her life.
Last night from her hospital bed in intensive care "Posh" had no regrets however, "I just wanted to touch her, not in a lesbian way though. Maybe when I can walk again she'll forgive me and grant me an audience, if only for a minute or two."
The ex popstar should have known better than to put in a surprise call to the Big Brother superstar, after her people issued a lofty statement earlier this week.
It said: "Chanelle out of Big Brother meeting a former "Spice Girl" is not something we are aware of and has not been pre-arranged or agreed. In fact we find it quite demeaning that a has-been of Mrs Beckham's ilk should try to use Chanelle's fame as a stepping stone to reigniting her own flagging career."'
After a lavish wedding last night a $12billion divorce battle looms for gun toting senile old codger as Chanelle "Heston" filed for divorce this morning.