UnNews:"Man on a Ledge" Movie Influences Child

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22 February 2012

Babyjumper

Little Bob being rescued by the authorities.

Fairfax, Virginia -- The recent movie Man on a Ledge depicts the story of a man... on a ledge while there is a large diamond heist. Think the plot is stupid, the movie is even worse. Nevertheless, the Smith family of Fairfax, Virginia decided to watch it with their 2 year old son, Bob. "Bob was never the same after watching that movie." comments Bob's morbidly obese mother, Olga. Bob's father, Jim, was much to drunk to comment. Bob figured out how to use the DVD player and has watched the movie more than 200 times. This morning, it appears he has finally snapped because he climbed to the second story window of his parent's bedroom, climbed through and stood on the ledge of the house. Olga noticed that her baby was missing 4 hours after Bob climbed on top of the house. She kept getting stuck on the stairs these days, so going up to the bedroom was out of the question. The only option was to go through the front door, in which she got stuck. She called for her husband to help her, but he was high on marijuana. She found her cellphone somehow and called 911. Firefighters arrived and extended the ladder of the firetruck to save Bob. However, Jim, being ridiculously high, walked out of the garage where he kept the pot and stole the firetruck, backing it through the house. The firefighters were now stranded on the house with Bob. Now free of the front door, Olga waddled to the middle of the front yard, laid on her back, and told the firefighters to jump. They grabbed Bob, and jumped on to Olga, whose fat cushioned the fall. Little Bob's adventure shows us that bad movies can destroy the mind of the modern child.

BREAKING NEWS:

Bob has somehow gotten back up on the ledge

Jim got so drunk that he passed out and drowned in a puddle of his own piss.


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