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11 April 2007
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THE GLOBE, Warming -- The seven "Live Earth" concerts that were due to take place around the world on July 7th have been cancelled, announced ex-US Vice President Al Gore. "The concerts were supposed to highlight the threat of climate change, but they've been cancelled due to the amount of energy that would be wasted if they were to go ahead."
Organisers of the Live Earth concerts had initially hoped that two billion people would have experienced the show through television, film, radio, and the internet. Then the hypocrisy of what they were doing was realised, and it was cancelled.
Music industry insiders are far from happy, "We care about this globe warming up or something!" one of them blurted. "Plus we were going to resurrect the careers of most of the has-beens of yesteryear! We'd scheduled album re-releases to coincide with wheeling out The Police and Bon Jovi. Sting wants to buy a second home in New York, and piggybacking onto this climate change thing was the ideal way to pay for it!"
The London show was due to be held at Wembley Stadium, which looks like a giant shopping basket. It was going to coincide with the second anniversary of the terrorist attacks that killed 52 people on the capital's transport network. It is unclear what that has to do with climate change, and the organisers had been accused of using the date as a sycophantic way to generate ticket sales. "When the bombs went off they warmed the Earth up a bit, and used energy, so it sort of counts." one of them mumbled.
Suggestions that the concert could still go ahead with acoustic sessions were pooh-poohed by organisers, "Most of the artists are talentless lip-synchers, so that would never work!".
Al Gore is now looking for other ways to help pay for his mansion's electricity bill.