UnNews:"In God We Trust" removed from U.S. coins; new coins to say "Fuck God"

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12 June 2006

Fuckydollar

Many have likened the change to US coinage to be on par with the 1977 decision to add the words "a fascist regime" to the UK's Pound note.

In a landmark decision (Newdow v. Congress of the United States of America, No. CIV. S-05-2339(E.D.Cal. 06/06/2006)), the Eastern District Court of California ruled that the issuance of coins bearing the legend "In God We Trust" by the United States government constituted an unlawful establishment of religion, namely, belief in, and endorsement of a god or deity. The court issued an injunction, requiring the issuance of the coins every ten years with a different, opposite legend: "Fuck God."

"As America has matured as a nation, our political and judicial establishment has gradually, over the decades, been forced to acknowledge that once cherished traditions and beliefs were actually only popular because they reflected mainstream concepts of belief." and ''While removing the legend would appear to be the solution, this would amount to state endorsement of atheism, nihilism or perhaps agnosticism." wrote Justice Bazelon in his majority opinion.

"In order to truly be neutral on the question of whether there is or is not a god, and/or, assuming there is a god, whether he/she/it should be revered, it is necessary to include both legends that I have prescribed in this opinion, although not both on the same coin, since that would be very confusing. Rather, every few years, perhaps ten, the slogan will switch back and forth. Finally everyone will get equal time for their views on god and his/her/its existance, non existance, or whether he/she/it should get fucked, depending on your interpretation of the significance of the phrase "Fuck God" on our new currency, starting in 2010."

A short dissent by Justice Odelsohn noted that the majority did not go far enough, and that coins should be issued criticizing Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, and the other famous American leaders and political thinkers depicted on our currency.

"Idol worship of a deceased president or inventor of a new type of eyeglasses is no less a religion than worship of a presumed omnipotent god-type entity." noted Justice Odelsohn. "Therefore, every ten years, to avoid offense to the 'other america' that does not join in the thinking of the oppressive majority, we should issue coins commemorating the worst actions, thoughts and remarks of our ancient leaders. Only in this way can America truly fulfill its promise of being the 'land of the brave, and the home of the free.' Therefore, I respectfully dissent."

Reaction to the opinion is mixed, with atheists split on whether God really doesn't exist at all, or whether he/she/it does exist, but should be fucked rather than trusted.

Early reports indicate that talk of seceding again has cropped up in several Southern states, as well as Oregon, but that's just because they want to smoke the wacky tobaccy.

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