UnNews:"Ha! NERNER-NER-NERNER you didn't win" - F1 ace Alonso revels in failure of plucky Brit Hamilton
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"Ha! NERNER-NER-NERNER you didn't win" - F1 ace Alonso revels in failure of plucky Brit Hamilton
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Sunday, February 14, 2016, 09:00:UTC)(
23 October 2007
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FORMER FORMULA 1 WORLD CHAMPION Fernando Alonso laughed hysterically and danced round rookie Lewis Hamilton last night after the Brit failed to win th F1 championship. The Spaniard was seen doing a merry jig and "spinning around like a whirling dirvish", wailing and screeching. "Hamilton is RUBBISH Hamilton is RUBBISH, he lost the championship YAAAYY!", he said sportingly. It had seemed that Lewis Hamilton was about to become Formula One world champion at the tender age of just five years old. Unfortunately he managed to bugger it up after forgetting his left from his right during the last two races.
Alonso was scarcely able to contain his emotions last night, "Hamilton is stupid Hamilton is a der brain, he can't even drive properly", Alonso added happily just before his mummy wiped his arse for him. Unfortunately his glee was short-lived after he realised that the plucky Brit still finished the season ahead of him.
Spaniard Alonso, once again in the grip of a spectacular tantrum, apparently embarked on a 'dirty protest' after the latest revelation tarnished his mood. It is reported that he left a messily deposited turd in Lewis Hamiltons helmet. He initially blamed it on a marmot but a number of witnesses have stepped forward to say they saw him "squatting over Lewis's crash helmet, curling off a 'Cleveland steamer'."