UnNews:"Great white shark" is actually a red herring

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{{news|31 July 2007}} {{date|31 July 2007}} [[Image:2541823835-killer-shark-dismissed-red-herring.jpg|thumb|right|320px|'''ALARMIST''' Photo of a threatening-looking great white shark to scare quick-to-overreact Brits]] '''UNNEWS WHALING VESSEL, 6 nautical miles off Cornish coast''' -- The "[[shark|great white shark]]" spotted recently off the English coast was actually nothing more than a [[herring|red herring]] the Agence France-Presse reported today. Adult red herring normally grow to about 46 centimetres in length and weigh up to 700 grams. However, due to overfeeding, the herring may sometimes become abnormally large. In this instance, the herring has grown to around 5 metres in length with a weight of approximately 900 kilograms. Head of Tourism for [[Cornwall]], Jethro Glokk, explained: ''"During the summer months we get an awful lot of [[tourists]] in the area. The [[spanish|spics]], the [[gooks]], the [[american|yanks]], they all come over here - those awful [[French|Frogs]] too - they all come over here and they see all these wonderful herring and they think 'I want to see those eating [[food]]' so they all throw them food, and the herring eat the food. And there you have it. ''"This great white shark which was 'sighted', probably by a [[foreign countries|foreigner]], I don't know and frankly I don't intend to find out, was nothing more than a fat, overfed holiday herring. ''"People should spend less time scaremongering and more time...fish mongering."'' Glokk added that an oversized red herring is nothing for people to be afraid of. ''"It's about as harmful as a fishy beanbag powered by the brain of a [[coon]],"'' he said. But not everyone agrees. The Sun newspaper labelled obese herring "beasts", and quoted "leading Aussie herring watcher Buzz 'Herringboy' Oscar" as saying they are ''"more prone to violence, and may sexually intimidate children."'' They also reported that TV chef [[Jamie Oliver]] is going to sale a one man yacht off the coast of Cornwall, offering the herring dieting tips and healthy food options, such as "couscous with grilled summer vegetables and loadsa herbs." [[Page Three]] super-glamour model, Aromata Panks, 20, from Burnley, said: ''"It will be a real relief to everyone that there isn't a killer shark in the British waters, especially to the people of Cornwall. But I would still advise any elderly relatives taking a dip to remember their '''HERRING''' aids!" == Sources == *{{source|url=http://uk.news.yahoo.com/afp/20070731/tuk-britain-animal-shark-a7ad41d.html |title=Killer shark dismissed as red herring |author=AFP |pub=Yahoo! News |date=July 31, 2007}} <!-- Hint: If you like you can make up crap or find a suitable article in the uncyclopedia --> *{{source|url=http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/salad/couscous_with_grilled_summer_vegetables |title=These recipes are all fresh and fab |author=Jamie Oliver |pub=jamieoliver.com |date=???? ??, ????}} [[Category:Sharks]]

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