UnNews:"Explosive" new book set to kill millions
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"Explosive" new book set to kill millions
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 24, 2016, 08:48:UTC)(
21 July 2008
LONDON, England: The literary community was in shock today as plans to release an explosive new book about the disappearence of Madeleine McCann, was given the go-ahead to place live explosives inside every copy, which is penned by the former Portugese chief investigator who lead the investigation. Trial copies were handed out in London today, as part of a promotional campaign, which caused the deaths of up to 60 people.
Gonçalo Amaral, who is described by certain members of the press as the missing Mario brother, is set to recieve £10 million (roughly 57,897 billion Euros) for the book, titled "Não abra este livro, há um explosivo coloc para dentro, que o mate".
The book is expected to sell over 500 million copies worldwide, but critics are calling for the book to be banned, saying that "over 500 million people will die if this book gets released". Gonçalo Amaral responded to the criticisms by sending them a copy a few days before today's fiasco. This has since silenced said critics.
Amaral's book isn't the first time literature and explosive devices have been combined, Dan Brown's book "The DaVinci Code" was billed as 'explosive' and featured a complex bomb sewn into the back cover that could only be deactivated by sophisticated algorithms and toothpicks. The book came to the public's attention after it killed The Pope in 2005.
The Braille and Audio versions of the book are set to feature complex landmines, a confidante of Amaral was quoted as saying "He's only doing it for the money, and he doesn't mind taking it from a public that is fascinated with this morbid abduction story. He doesn't care if he kills them all, he also wants to get the book made into a film and then set fire to the people who go to watch it."