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Sunday, July 24, 2016, 05:53:59 (UTC)

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TAMPA, Florida -- Hillary Clinton has named WWE star “Kane” to be her running mate.

Kane is a theatrical battleground-state politician with working-class roots and a vice-like headlock — traits that she believes bolster her chances to put Donald Trump out for the count in November. Full story»

Trump supervillains
CLEVELAND, Ohio -- The 2016 Republican Nominating Convention confirmed Donald Trump as the candidate for U.S. President, turning back a move by the law-and-order party to break state election laws and nominate anyone else.

To harmonize with Trump's theme in the primary, "Make America Great Again," while trying to make it mean something definite, each day of the convention had its own stirring copycat theme, and even before Melania Trump gave a copycat speech. Full story»

800px-Mesquite Sand Dunes
UnNews Logo Potato1NAVEL-GAZING
WIKIA CITY, California -- After the massacre known as the "Nice attack," the entire UnNews Arabia bureau has walked off the job.

Senior UnNews Editors asserted, on their way out the door, that the competing demands to make articles relate to real-world news and add original comedy that does not sound like advocacy are impossible in today's world, which has become so ridiculous that it is flatly impossible to ridicule it. Full story»

Bloody the frizz jpeg
NICE, France - French authorities say that the lorry driver in the Bastille Day’s routine mass death event was Ms. Frizzle, the former star of the children’s educational series The Magic School Bus.

It was nearly four months since she was reported missing from the PBS Nursing Home for Dead Characters. How she ended up in the south of France is anybody’s guess. Full story»

The Council of Sauron
LONDON - The Tory Party has gathered to elect a new leader, summoning its central decision-making body — the Conclave of Darkness, a daemonic host of hideous beings.

Terrifying entities have been seen slithering and skittering around Westminster as senior party members, otherwise known as Lords of the End Times, curry favour and elect their candidate to the position of ultimate power. Full story»

Eisenhower dollar
LONDON -- In the wake of the abdication of everyone with experience in the Conservative Party, the United Kingdom is set to announce that the nation will adopt the U.S. dollar as its legal tender.

The pound sterling is plummeting toward parity with the dollar, and the moment its value drops to $1.00 would be an especially convenient time to make the "switcheroo." Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights July 24

'George the Edgy Children
Disney 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
"George Does Drugs" George is offerred drugs, and forgets that winners don't do drugs.

Holy Shi.... Shit Fiction
ShiTV 4:20 AM weEDT/3:20 CDT
In the series premiere, scientists talk about shit.

South Park Adult Animation
Comedy Central 10:00 PM EDT/9:00 PM CDT

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