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Thursday, October 2, 2014, 02:08 (UTC)
Obama laugh
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Government said the next Presidential election will be the "Election of 2020," just as Microsoft skipped directly to "Windows 10" to "distance" its new software from Windows 8.

The Republican Party has solicited funds for years claiming Obama could cancel the "Election of 2016." But John Boehner opted not to put actual ideas in the way of the imminent Republican sweep in what is still known as the "Election of 2014." Full story»

VENICE, Italy -- George Clooney has finally come off the political fence and declared his intention to become the next American President, reinforcing his European Liberal credentials by marrying British-Lebanese legal eagle Ammal Alamuddin.

Clooney's decision has disappointed many women fans and the entire female population of Greece. Full story»

Flirt au Bord de la Mer
SACRAMENTO, California -- Governor Jerry Brown has signed SB967, a law that codifies exactly when a woman has given consent to have sex.

Sex will now be "opt-in," while spam email will remain "opt-out." The law states that silence does not constitute consent, but moving toward one's partner or nodding the head might. That is for a jury to decide. There will be a standard government form to sign, before disrobing or flirting, to minimize legal liability. Full story»

No Voice England
WESTMINSTER, England -- The success of last week's Scottish referendum in provoking more powers for the Scottish Parliament has produced a groundswell in England, which for 300 years has had no parliament except the national one.

An English Parliament could leave the British one to focus on important matters, while an English Queen could reign alongside the British one. Full story»

HOGWARTS, Scotland -- There was dancing down the cloisters as top magic school 'Hogwarts' confirmed they had beaten something even more horrible than Lord Voldemort: The Salmond Beastie.

Plans to move Hogwarts to a theme park near London will be 'reviewed' if another Beastie returns. Full story»

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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This day in 2013

TV Highlights October 2

Quinn the Quantum Guy Children
Nick Jr. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
"Hide and Seek." If you cannot see your parents, do they still exist?

Finish Your Peas Drama
Lifetime. 9:00 PM EDT/8:00 CDT
Someday, little Tommy will be DEAD.
THEN they'll be sorry!

Future shock Science documentary
Science Channel 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Scientists gloat about technology takeover. Michio Kaku attempts to help us understand why we have to do what the robots are telling us to.

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