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LONDON, Oceania -- Home Secretary Teresa May has tasked Ofcom with vetting all media, including television and radio, before it releases material to the public.

The Home Secretary said in her announcement: "Ofcom is now known as the Ministry Of Information and will vet all media before it is released to the public." Full story»

IRVING, Texas -- The National Council of the Boy Scouts has unveiled new policies banning anything to do with guns and other weapons including sickles and Popsicles.

A Cub Scout leader in Sunnyvale, California who has scolded both members of her den about "threatening" things like Hulk Hogan lunchpails hopes the new policy boosts membership, but opinion is running against her. Full story»

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RAMADI, Obama Province, Islamic State -- Mega-terrorist conglomerate ISIS has achieved its highest endorsement, gaining ISO 9000 accreditation.

The final hurdle to certification was devising an ISIS questionnaire by which to ensure proper notification of next-of-kin in the case of a mishap occurring to an employee during a planned mishap. Full story»

Airsoft BB
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PYONGYANG, North Korea — Pyongyang says it has developed miniaturized nuclear BBs making it possible to fit them into standard BB and Air-soft projectors.

The report comes just days after North Korea claimed a joint venture with Lucas Films to build a golf-ball-sized Death Star. Full story»

Kim Medium 4
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PYONGYANG, North Korea -- The DPRK said Wednesday that it can miniaturize supreme leader Kim Dung-Un II’s brain.

"We have also had the capability of reducing the brain size of other leaders, for some time," the DPRK, North Korean military said. Officials hope this new class of brain weapons can also minimize the leader's enormous ego. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights May 24

Panorama Investigates: Child Abduction Documentary
Channel 4 7:30 PM
One of the reporters goes undercover disguised as a guy being followed around by a camera man, sound man and director as he walks he speaks in a quiet voice into the microphone, to check out how a large, multinational company is supporting child abduction in an African country.

Countryfile Conservative style Entertainment
BBC 2 6:30 PM GMT
This week Matt and Sue are walking through the fields of some county up North no one has ever heard of in search of Gordon Brown's hiding place while John will be working out why the population in that area is rapidly decreasing due to a lack of jobs.

Doctor Who: The Return of the Plot from last week Sci-Fi
BBC 1 7:45 PM
Doctor Who goes in searc of some Time Lord money so that he can afford to pay for new writers to write different scripts for each episode. He goes hyperactive and can only display one emotion: insanity. His new assistant who is just there for her looks mentions "I wish David Tennant still played the Doctor" numerous times when confronted in not-very-scary situations.

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