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Saturday, February 28, 2015, 10:40 (UTC)
UnNews Logo Potato1HEALTH or BEAUTY
PARIS, France -- Death will now be a thing of the past, as L’Oreal has invented a $15 miracle cream that, technically speaking, would let Dame Helen Mirren re-grow a severed foot.

But a customer died after using the product; another’s head turned light blue and a few other customers' bones have dissolved, effects that the FDA claims put the formulation a couple notches beneath the statutory goals of "safety and efficacy." Full story»

FORT BENNING, Georgia -- The U.S. Army has finished testing a new grenade that can be stacked like Lego blocks.

The munition is part of the Army's strategy of "reaching out" to Islam through play therapy, to help jihadis get in touch with their inner child and view American combat troops as warm and friendly social workers, culminating in President Obama's National Summit on Youngsters Who Don't Play Well. Full story»

Pat a
HOLLYWOOD, California -- Patricia Arquette used her Oscar acceptance speech to demand equal male-dominatrix rights and opportunities for women shading the big grey “50”.

Arquette urged the nation's MILFs to support cellar conversions with frames designed to hang naked people from, to a standing ovation from Meryl Streep and Bill Cosby. Full story»

Farm Animals
LONDON, England -- Nature is soon to become Net-ure. Just as Google gathers images for Street View, volunteer camouflaged subscribers will tirelessly roam the land looking for “all creatures great and small” to shoot with a dart containing a nano-hotspot.

“We would be providing an interesting public education and security service; certainly not tracking you or anything like that.” said a Mr Q, representing MI6. Full story»

CHIHUAHUA, Mexico -- (Gnome-speakernotes listen) A 250-vehicle convoy journeyed to the U.S. border to buy discount gasoline. Spokeswoman Luz María Mendoza stressed that it was for "personal consumption" and the huge poly tanks in the beds of some of the pick-up trucks would not be used for illegal resale. "That would be someone else."

Those without poly tanks faced the dilemma that it takes more than a tankful to reach the border to buy a cheap tankful. Full story»

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About UnNews
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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This day in 2013

TV Highlights February 28

Quinn the Quantum Guy Children
Nick Jr. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
"Hide and Seek." If you cannot see your parents, do they still exist?

Finish Your Peas Drama
Lifetime. 9:00 PM EDT/8:00 CDT
Someday, little Tommy will be DEAD.
THEN they'll be sorry!

Future shock Science documentary
Science Channel 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Scientists gloat about technology takeover. Michio Kaku attempts to help us understand why we have to do what the robots are telling us to.

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