UnFilm: Rosie O'Donnell's Sex Dungeon
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“And I would like to welcome my next guest, my favorite and yours too, from the film Your Ass in the Park, Ladies and Gentlemen give it up for Mr. Tom Cruise!”
“It hurts? Mr. Monkey it hurts? Oh, fuck, it yeah this'll hurt...”
The Rosie O'Donnell Sex Dungeon is a series of films based on the Rosie O'Donnell Show television talk show that aired on American daytime television from 2000 to 2004. While considered avant guard for its time, the show introduced the American housewife to the world of Sado Masochism and crafts. The show was canceled during the 2004 season after a member of the virginal audience was sacrificed on live television when she was hurled into a live volcano.
After the cancellation, O'Donnell claimed that television "Limited my artistic ability as a star, a lesbian and a dominatrix to honestly portray the types acts that lead one to the totally freeing feeling of bondage." The 'Rosie O'Donnell Sex Dungeon film series is the result of her quest for artistic freedom and Femdom for all.
edit Sex Dungeon
The first entry to the series, the plot revolves around O'Donnell searching the globe for S&M acts to feature in a three ring circus, which, strangely enough is called the Rosie O'Donnell Sex Dungeon. O'Donnell takes the audience on a senior citizen's cruise for widows and introduces us to Armand, the ship's "companion". Armand, is a fetishist - a man who can only have sex with women who have blue pubic hair, and he loves to be spanked.
O'Donnel then takes the audience to a plastics plant in China, where matronly ladies help to produce the Rosie O' Sex Doll, and inflatable love doll with a (gag, excuse while we vomit) life like mouth.
Finally, O'Donnell takes the audience to a data processor for credit union's where the boss regularly lashes the employees to ensure compliance with company rules, and multiple orgasms.
The film closes with a French Clown, crying a single tear, and the word Fin.
edit Rosie: Sex Dungeon, Redux
Picking up where the first film left off, the second entry to the series focuses more on O'Donnell's relationship with her lesbian partner, and their daily routine of getting the kids up, dressed for school and fed, then the carpool to get them to school, the PTA and PTO meetings and finally, their time alone at night in bed where they act out sexual fantasies including the "Boar Game" where Kelly Pickler pretends to be a truffle buried in the sheets and O'Donnell, in the role of the wild boar routs about and upon finding the giggling Ms. Pickler, eats her cookies.
edit The O'Donnell Chronicles
The third entry to the series (sometimes known as Sex Dungeon 3), a prequel, takes place in 1980 when O'Donnell discovered S&M as a life style. The film requires that the audience suspends disbelief and accept the forty something O'Donnell as a nubile and budding lesbian of 19. This is O'Donnell at her best - dictating that the appalled audience play along with her filthy and painful charade.
edit Sex Dungeon 4: The Time of the Great Sadness
Taking place just after the events of the second film, the fourth film centers around O'Donnell's blog poetry in which she writes irregular and free-form poetry about her feelings and how losing ROSIE Magazine brought a single tear to her eye and made her feel inadequate.
I tried to do my best, but they laughed when I sat down to play;
"Hey Orca," the one with anger issues said "Can you pass me your identity"?
So I punched him, laid him out
intoxicated with the joy in my bosom, but feelings of insecurity in head.
By the end of two hours of self therapy, Rosie achieves her goal of making the audience yearn for the biting sting of the lash, the sensory deprivation of the leather mask and the forced voting for Republican candidates.
edit Reception by the critics
One the whole, the Sex Dungeon series has been coolly received by the mainstream critics. Writing in his column, Leonard Maltin at the Movies, Leonard Maltin wrote "I was moved by these films, by my feet to the lobby and then to my car. Not so good." One time media darling Rex Reed wrote "O'Donnell's idea of sexual perversity is tame compared to mine." And Roger Ebert wrote "My idea of Hell is being buried alive with Rosie, it should be your idea of Hell too."
However the films have received great acclaim from the lesbian press. Writing for Amazonian Womyns New Daily, Evelynn Strongpowers wrote "O'Donnell is no doormat to the male elite controlled movie empire that degrades our sisters before our eyes. In fact O'Donnell's degradation of womyn is refreshing and, like my library copy of the Sappho Was a Righteous Sister, long overdue."