UnBooks talk:Might As Well Not/Chapter 2
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- My comments are as follows: Spelling and Punctuation are almost perfect. The only thing i did was add a comma and an extra space to separate your 2 'scenes'...otherwise the reader might get confused about the change.
- I almost started doing a bunch of edits on your LONG sentences. But I stopped and read the whole piece first. I understand that this approach is your style. I will say that TECHNICALLY the sentences are correct, but I can imagine that some readers may lose their train of thought. This type of approach lends itself to having to be read a bit more slowly. I had no problem with it myself, and adjusted quickly to your style of writing. I am NOT saying it is bad, so keep it.
- I didn't like the word 'subdivisions' TWICE in the same sentence (paragraph 3)...it sort of throws off the timing. THAT sentence could use some attention, just for clarification
- I hope my feedback helped in some way