UnBooks talk:A Story, About a Man, that Comes to an Eventual Conclusion

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A Free Coupon
For a bumming session with Noel Fielding
Humour: 7 Pretty good, more amusing rather then Lol. I think that all the sections work pretty well, the prose is a little blocky with - I certainly saw it working better as monologue, as the hapless protagonist would seem better fitted to retelling the events. With the author as the primary speaker it give aver "and this and this and this" tempo. It’s not in my opinion dire, but it is a flaw within the writing. There’s some great references to John Locke and Lost which is nice to see. The guy seems a little to switched on to me however - I would make him a little more neurotic. I think this could make it much funnier and better written throughout. The two last sections are poor conceptually and are too tacked on to be funny. Similarly the "Blank pages" just aren't all that funny, the quotes at the end just don't seem to work, and they kind of seem like a tangent away from the rest of the article. You caould add slightly more abut the bathroom, and agind fill out the situation as opposed to speeding though it all.
Concept: 7 There are similar variants to this sort o thing, to which this s a decent example. I think that the overall from as I mentioned of having a third person narrator could be changed to create a far better comedy. The article also suffers from being a little sketchy on the guy - maybe a little more about him just to fill it out right. I think there is a bit of Fight Club style here - I think it could be very funny to pursue this further and would perhaps add a bit more context to the story.
Prose and formatting: 6.5 Nothing glaring to me. The large blocky paragraphs and the aforementioned pace to the article are little poor, you could have les events but fill them out, be a little more descriptive. It has a very "crammed in" feel. (This of course is a little vague, but I can't think of the right way to put it. Overall i would say that is very well put together, I do ave the gripe about the two end sectiosn, however the res is comaplint free, for exapme you've aligen the images right, no major spelling/grammer or red linkege - Theres nothing here I would change.
Images: 6 Not really too special here; although I don’t know of anything off hand that would be a great to replace them with. - Maybe a bit of "Fight Club" style shots? Or perhaps some pictures of where he is from.
Miscellaneous: 7 Its good stuff, I know that you're pretty new around here - for an early article this is a very promising start, Nothing I wrote when I was new here would have been in the running for VFH.
Final Score: 33.5 Well done and keep it up!
Reviewer: --Sycamore (Talk) 21:37, 22 June 2008 (UTC)

edit What I Thought

Actually, I didn't quite get it. Sohzq 08:08, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

You aren't secretly Jason Wade of the USA Today, are you? Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 14:44, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

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