UnBooks:Uncyclopedia's Official Guide to Choosing a Web Browser
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Contents |
edit Firefox
l33t p0in75: 1337
Main Article: Mozilla Firefox
Pros
- Hundreds of amazing extensions you'll never use
- An excuse to get away with vandalizing long pages
- You can call all Non-Firefox users n00bs
- Foxes will like you
- Foxxxy Girls might like you
- Oscar Wilde will thank you
- You cannot use the game Xcode
- Fox tail resembles your crummy hipster hairdo
- You won't be eaten by a Grue
- Pr0n is easy to obtain (nudge nudge wink wink)
Cons
- The admins may not fall for it
- An IE programmer can call you a communist
- Foxes hate everyone, dumbass
- You cannot use the game BSOD
- Oscar Wilde is dead
- You're automatically considered a Furry
- You will be eaten by an Eurg, however.
- You won't be able to do your online banking** because Microsoft bullied them into blocking Firefox
- Microsoft's website will render correctly.
- You can't whine and complain to Microsoft every time something goes wrong, and your fellow Firefox users will refuse to admit Firefox has problems, and thus refuse to help.
**Unless you have IE Tab.
edit Internet Explorer
l33t p0in75: -10
If you're not a Windows user, screw you, you can't use this, not that you'd want to anyway.
Main Article: Microsoft Internet Explorer
Pros
- Microsoft's website won't render correctly.
- Everyone uses it
- You can get lunch while it loads pages.
- Compatible with the great game BSoD!
- It isn't Opera
- It comes with Windows
- It is compatible with all the latest and greatest viruses
- The non-n00bs may take pity on you and teach you some HTML
- The rest of your family knows how to use it
- You can load expression media pages on it!
Cons
- For every page you visit with Internet Explorer, a kitten dies
- Linux users will mock you (except those secretly running it under Wine)
- j00 \/\/0|\|7 83 (0|\|5||)3|23|) 1337 (You won't be considered l33t)
- OMGWTFBBQ IT'S A N00B USING I.E (Oh my god, a lazy bitch using Internet Explorer)
- You won't be able to use wonderful extensions
- You'll lose all your friends
- The rest of your family knows how to use it. D00D, TEHYR'E N00BS! R U A N008?
- You can load expression media pages on it!
- Opera Software will launch a gelatin monster to rape you.
- Website developers will hate you to damnation.
edit Safari
l33t p0in75: 3
If you're not an apple user, screw you. This browser will run like a slug on your Windows computer, and won't run at all on you pointless nerdy Linux machine.
Main Article: Apple Safari
Pros
- No websites display properly. This means you can't get a virus.
- Its icon is a compass. Not that this helps.
- ZOMG! BOUNCING ICONS! (The Safari Icon Bounces, instead of opening)
- Built in with Apple
- It wants you to look at porn.
Cons
- You still probably can get a virus (Windows)
- Unless you get banned from the forum
- "Are you lost in the jungle Little Billy? Here, have a compass."
- Just give it 2 more years. It will open eventually. It has to, right?
- Except for new versions, which cost $$$
- You are using a Mac or Windows
- Unless you are running it in Wine
- Using anything other than Safari will cause Steve Jobs to ass rape you in your sleep.
edit Konqueror
l33t p0in75: π
If you're not a Linux or BSD user, screw you. You can't use this browser. UPDATE: KDE4 IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR MAC AND WINDOWS
Main Article: Konqueror
Pros
- You're a member of a minority, which is always cool, I mean, is there something like white pride or straight pride?
- Goes perfectly well with the KDE philosophy: "If there are free system resources, add more features."
- Your girlfriend has no idea how to use it, so she won't discover your porn addiction.
- It's also a file manager and an ftp client. On steroids. (This thing could delete Chuck Norris's ass if he was a program, but he isn't. Regrettably.)
Cons
- Some pages actually load.
- No extensions, no plugins, except for the ones it borrows from your (also-installed) Mozilla browser.
- You can preview ogg-vorbis files in it (whatever the hell they are).
edit Epiphany
l33t p0in75: 10
If you're not a Linux or BSD user, screw you. You can't use this browser.
Main Article: GNOME
Pros
- Lets your blind grandmother read; the browser has an enlarging feature.
- Goes with the GNOME policy, "When you find a feature, remove it."
- Renders all pr0n sites correctly.
Cons
- ...does little else
- Your grandmother is blind. She can't even read super-enlarged text.
- The browser will be blank in version 2.0
edit Google Chrome
l33t p0in75: 10^100 (a googol)
If you're not a Windows user, screw you. You can't use this browser, yet. You can use this browser, but it runs like Steven Hawkings. UPDATE: Now anyone can use this super fast web browser!
Main Article: Google Chrome
Pros
- Based on WebKit (same as Safari). Thus no websites display properly. This means you (still) can't get a virus.
- Very cool name!
- It has a built-in pr0n mode!
- It's way faster than Opera or Safari.
- Nerds use it.
- The beta version has add-ons called Extensions
Cons
- Google gets to see all your child porn, even in pr0n mode.
- Nerds use it.
edit Opera
l33t p0in75: 16
Main Article: Opera (web browser)
Pros
- WIDGETS R TEH FUN (Many useless widgets for you to do whatever you please)
- H4$ 4 4w3$0m3 1337 C0nv3r73r W!dg37
- Talk to depressed teenage girls in IRC chat (in case you actually do)
- You can brag about being non-existent (only -10% of users use Opera)
- A big O is the logo. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
- Made in Norway
- Makes you feel rich/cultured. It is called Opera, after all.
Cons
- Widgets take up too much CPU power, and that's only one widget
- No source code for you to write a swear word in
- Those depressed teenage girls are actually actually fat, mentally unstable, divorced 40 year old women.
- The fat women may squeeze through the O and EAT YOU!
- ... Exactly.
- The fat women may squeeze through the O and EAT YOU!
- If you're non-existent, you couldn't brag about it
Until Opera 10.01, that isIt's here, and we still don't exist. Damn.
edit Lynx
l33t p0in75: 666
Main Article: Lynx
Pros
- Nice graphics!
- Perfect CSS 3.0 conformance
- Can be run over SSH
- Has a man page
- Only nerds use Lynx
- George W. Bush does not use it
- Weeee, colours!
- No viruses! (see "Not good for pr0n" below for reason)
- You don't have to look at the ugly MediaWiki skin
Cons
- No extensions
- Not good for pr0n (see "No viruses!" above for side effect)
- Won't show up in any supported browser list
- Only Nerds use Lynx. How many times must we tell you?
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l33t p0in75: ZOMG YOU ARE SO 1337!!!11
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edit Nothing
1337 points: 0. perfectly neutral
If you exist, screw you. You can't use this browser.
Pros
- No more internet.
- NO MORE POPUPS!!1!1!11!!ELEVEN!1111ONEONE...
- Get away from those losers who waste their lives looking up humorous misinformation.
- No more pron
- Less porn
- Lacks pornography
- No more internet.
- Difficult to obtain porn
- More time on your hands (less Semen)
Cons
- NO MORE pr0n??? NOOOOOOOO11!!1!!1!!1!!ONE!1!!1ELEVENTYONEONE!1!!!1!!1!11!
- No more Internet!
- You're chemically dependent on World Of Warcraft
- No more pron
- Less porn
- Lacks pornography
- No more internet.
- Difficult to obtain porn
- More time on your hands (less Semen)
