UnBooks:The Wanka Of Oz
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Chapter 1: Kansarse
The sun was setting in the skies over Kansas, where there lived a little girl named Swallowthy Gale. She was just a gal like any other gal, who lived on a farm with her grandparents, Aunty Rim and Pimp Daddy Pope, formally known as the artist called Pee-Pee-from-my-Diddle-E. Dorothy was outside in the fields near her home just playing with herself with her dog Hoe Hoe, Hoe Hoe was enjoying a tasty meal from Swollothy's mush pit, when along came a wicked old women named Hillary Clinton. Hillary saw Hoe Hoe eating out Swollothy's pussy, and was instantly put into the "B" mode. Hilary started marching towards Swollothy but Hoe Hoe heard her coming, and barked, alerting Swollothy. Swollothy's quickly jumped up and pulled up her underwear and ran as fast as she could all the way home!
She had managed to run from Hillary, but Hillary had recognized her, and was not at all going to let it slip by. Later that evening when Swollothy thought she was safe, Hillary came knocking on the door. When Aunty Rim opened the door, Hillary was standing there looking as butchy as ever, holding a dog carrier. She invited her self in and demanded that she wanted to take that dog away for having sexual relations with an underage girl! She presented a police order saying that Hoe Hoe was to be charged on pedophile charges right away!
Swollothy refused to hand over Hoe-Hoe, as he was her best friend and the greatest muff diver shed ever had in her 16-year career history! Pimp Daddy took Hoe-Hoe from Swollothy at Aunty Rims request and handed Hillary the dog!
Swollothy burst into tears and ran into her room, Aunty Rim looked ever so mad into Hillarys eyes and said "Hillary, just because your husband fucked you over, that doesn't give you the right to fuck the rest of us over, and for 10 years I've waited to say this to you, but it will have to wait because those Mexican chill-beans I made for dinner are about to be spread all over this floor if I don't run to the pisser right now"
Hillary put Hoe-Hoe in her carry-case and left the farm house on her fuel injected twin pumped double action twin turbo combusted nitro inverted motor scooter, with air-conditioning, electric seat-adjusting and carry on luggage storage compartments that she got for a very good price from the local Toyota dealer!
Chapter 2: Help Me Obi-Wan-Can-Blow-Me, you're my only pope
Back in Swollothy's room, she was crying her heart out, the only man she had ever loved had been taken away, and she wasn't sure if shed ever be licked out again, least not quite the same way. Dorothy wanted her dog back and was plotting to call her good friend Sue Ridge when her estranged gay friend came over to see her... Mr.Johnny Elton. Johnny asked why Swollothy was crying her eyes out and Swollothy explained that Hillary had taken her best friend and lick-out companion, and also the only boyfriend she had that would make her cum immensely without the need of a kick-start 2-stroke vibrator and still have time to lick his own balls and ignore her when he was done with her.
John Elton knew that Swollothy loved that little puppy, she wasn't into pussy at all, no Swollothy enjoyed it doggy style, and only Hoe Hoe would do. John knew that she was heartbroken, but Elton had no clue what to do or say? Swollothy asked if he would go and shoot Hillary in the head and get her dog back, but Elton didn't have the balls for that, that just made her even more upset. So Elton just left the room and left Swollothy crying on her bed!
Swollothy soon had another visitor it was her friend "Sue Ridge". Sue also asked Swollothy what was wrong? So Swollothy explained what had happened, and Sue had no idea what to say or do either? Sue thought for a moment, then took off her top and undid her bra and asked Swollothy if she wanted to suck her boobs? But Swollothy said "no, there not like my Hoe-Hoe and there not big enough either, your boobs are way to small to suck on, I mean, your boobs are like the perfect ten and stuff, but they should be a double-D, besides, even Hoe-Hoe has bigger tits then you" That really upset Sue immensely, Sue ran out of Swollothy's room crying as well while screaming, "Go fuckyourself you heartless bitch, I hope you end up getting pounded in the ass by dwarfs"!
Then one more friend came over that afternoon to see Swollothy, it was her friend Ben Dover. Ben asked why Swollothy was crying too, and Swollothy told him why, but he also didn't have the slightest idea what to do, the only thing he could think of was to drop his pants and present his penis! Swollothy looked at it and burst into more tears, and almost a laugh, she said, "Thank you for making me laugh, it looks like it's a piece of straw!". Ben then faked a smile and a chuckle and was feeling very embarrassed about doing that and what she thought it looked like! So he left her alone and went home too, mumbling to himself that the stuck up little cunt needed to go fuck herself in a place over the rainbow.
Aunty Rim walked into Swollothy's room and was pissed off, Aunty Rim yelled at Swollothy and abused her and said "just because your dogs been taken away doesn't give you the right to treat friends like that, you told Elton he had no balls, you told Sue she had small tits and then you told Ben he had a small penis, how dare you, you spoiled little over-sexed under 14 year old shit" Aunty Rim started to give Swollothy a good lashing down in the underground dungeon!
Chapter 3: Lets get the fuck outta here!
Over a few miles away now, the wicked Hillary was still riding her fuel injected twin pumped double action twin turbo combusted nitro inverted motor scooter -with Air Conditioning, electric seat adjusting and carry on luggage storage compartments that she got for a very good price from the local Toyota dealer down the road when it started to make some noises, and it eventually conked out and stopped, Hillary got very mad and commanded that it worked again, but it didn't, so Hillary kicked the fuel injected twin pumped double action twin turbo combusted nitro inverted motor scooter -with Air Conditioning ,electric seat adjusting and carry on luggage storage compartments that she got for a very good price from the local Toyota dealer right over and it smashed down on to the ground, in a bitchy panic she rang for a toe truck , and while sitting around waiting she put on her Willie Nelson cassette and her curiosity was starting to get to her, she was wondering what Hoe-Hoe actually did for Swollothy, so she took Hoe-Hoe out of his cage and dropped her pants and placed Hoe-Hoe's face in between her legs, but Hoe-Hoe was a loyal pup, and growled and snarled at Hillarys cunt and bit her on her clit, Hillary let go off Hoe-Hoe and he ran away heading back home!
That pissed off Hillary as she tried to run after him but Hoe-Hoe was too fast, she ran out of breath trying to catch him and gave up! Hoe-Hoe soon found his way home and jumped through Swollothy's window, Swollothy stopped her blubbering and was so happy to see Hoe-Hoe and Hoe-Hoe headed straight between Swollothy's legs, Swollothy laid back and was about to enjoy being licked out when she sprung up and said "no Hoe-Hoe, we cant, she will be back for you, we must run away, far away, as far as we can, some where way over the gay bat rainbow"
Swollothy packed some things for her and Hoe-Hoe and snuck out of her window, and fucked off down the street, running away from home! Soon after a few miles of walking, Swollothy saw a van that had written on it "the great Wayne Kerr and his Magic Balls" Swollothy was curious to know what it was, so she knocked on the door, Wayne opened the door and invited her into his illegal establishment, Wayne said "so what can I do for you? Weed? Coke? Heroin?" Swollothy looked confused and said, "I was just curious about the sign on your van" Wayne replied with "oh that, that's just a cover so the cops wont know I'm dealing…err…how old are you little one?" Swollothy told him she was 16, and Wayne was surprised, he thought she was much older and wanting something else!" He said, "So you don't want to purchase any substances? Umm are you a law biding citizen little girl?" "Yes I am Wayne" Swollothy replied! Thinking quick to cover his own ass Wayne said, "Well you must want your fortune read am I right?" Swollothy nodded her head! Wayne then said, "Well to do that, it's a 2 man operation, I will need your help" Swollothy said ok, and Wayne took off his pants, he asked Swollothy to rub his balls slowly, Swollothy did so, and he begun to tell her fortune to her "your going to be playing in place you've never been, your going to see a Forrest you've never heard of, your going to feel a river your going to want more of, and your going to make me cum" Wayne let go a loud noise and blew his load, and said "I'm sorry little girl, the powers have gone now, I can no longer see your future"
Chapter 4: Come Fly With Me
Swollothy thanked Wayne and wiped her hands on her dress and left his van, but when she got out there was a terrible wind blowing around, and she knew that a twister was about to start up, she thought "fuck running away, I want to go home" so Swollothy and Hoe-Hoe ran all the way home and by the time they got there the twister was ferocious! Aunty Rim and Pimp Daddy where fucking away down in the Twister shelter, and they didn't even know the twister was happening, they had locked the door so they wouldn't be disturbed, Swollothy try's to open the door with all her might but its no use, so she run back into the house, and runs into her room and as she run to hide under her bed, he window busts open and her dildo collection that she had neatly lined up on her windowsill all knock her in the head and knock poor Swollothy out, Swollothy falls back onto her bed!
Swollothy soon started to come to, and when she remembered what had happened she leapt from her bed and looked out the window, she could see shit flying past her window, her dildos, her cloths, cows, animals and even people, amazingly tho there is enough gravity in her room to keep her and Hoe-Hoe from being sucked out, and then she see's Hillary on her fuel injected twin pumped double action twin turbo combusted nitro inverted motor scooter -with Air Conditioning, electric seat adjusting and carry on luggage storage compartments that she got for a very good price from the local Toyota dealer flying at her window, then somehow morphs into a green faced old Witch on a broom stick who look sat her and laughs and fly's off!
Chapter 5: G'day...Welcome To OZ
Swollothy realizes she must be on top of the twister and before she knows it she's falling, and then BANG! The house stops falling and all seams peaceful! Swollothy slowly approaches her door and opens it, and sees she's not where the house used to be, she see's lots of pretty colored graffiti and lots of bright green Marijuana plants and lots of rivers of beer! Swollothy explored for a while and then feels her stomach rumble, she looks at Hoe-Hoe and says, "Uh oh, I think Aunty Rims Chile is about to cause a problem" Swollothy holds her eyes shut and cocks her leg, she then lets go one hell of a ripping fart! Swollothy's dress even floats in the wind of this one! Then Swollothy see's a pink transparent orb floating down towards her, it gets closer and closer until its so close that the balls morphs into a decent looking 60 year old women who needs a stocking over the camera lenses to make her look pretty! "Who the fuck are you?" the pink witch says. Swollothy replies, "why I'm Swollothy Gale from Kansas, can you tell me where the fuck I am?" The Pink Witch says "your in Oz and this is the land of the Bumpkins and you have just saved them from the wicked Bitch of the West" Swollothy was confused, she asked, "where is Oz? What the fuck are Bumpkins and how did I save them from a witch, did my house fall on her?" The pink witch says "Oz is this place, the Bumpkins are all around us and no, when you farted you suffocated her, their are some things even a witch can't protect herself from!"
Swollothy is shocked, and says, "Were are these bumpkins you talk about". The pink witch starts to sing "come out come out, wherever you are" and starts to sing all over the small town and a bunch of hillbilly bubbas start to come out of there houses, and stand around Dorothy, they were amazed because they'd never met anyone outside of there own DNA before!
Chapter 6: Dancing, Singing, Midget Rednecks
The hillbillies started to sing as they introduced themselves! "We represent the White Trash gill" and "Ding Dong the Bitch is dead" then into "We want to lick you out, in Munchkin Land". It was a big nicely done stage number for a bunch of midgets welcoming someone they didn't know to their town. It was around then the mayor came out and said in his deep Arkansas accent "As Mayor of Blumpkin city, we wish to make you history, as you've landed on my sister in law Tiffany, next time wont you land on my wife Hilary"
Then out of no where The wicked bitch turned up in a cloud of red smoke, all the bumpkins hid away, and the Witch saw her sister laying dead, that pissed The wicked bitch off, she demanded to know who did it, and looked at the pink witch, the pink witch said "Swollothy here did it" the Wicked Bitch was furious because her sister still owed her $50! The wicked bitch said "you shall now pay the ultimate price; I'm going to make you listen to Michael Jackson's "thriller album"
Swollothy completely shit her self, and Hoe-Hoe cleaned it up, but Swollothy begged her not to do that, but the pink witch laughed and said "aren't you forgetting something? The Ruby ear plugs?" The wicked bitch turned to her sister and was about to take the earplugs from her when the vanished!
She turned and cursed at the pink witch and said "where are those fucking things, where do you put them?" The pink witch said, "there in Swollothy's ears now, and there they are, and there they will stay, now fuck off, you have no power here" The wicked bitch replied with "Very well, but ill be watching you my pretty, and your little dog too HEHEHEHEHEHE" and then she fucked off!
Swollothy said, "I don't want to be on her hit list, she's a terrible person and I wanna go home! How do I get home?" The pink witch said, " Fucked if I know, maybe the Wanka can tell you!" "WHO?" Swollothy asked! "The great and powerful cum shooter and wanka of Oz three years straight", said the witch. Swollothy said,"well how do find him?" The witch said "follow yellow piss road" "the what"? Asked Swollothy. The pink witches pager then went off and she said, "I have to go, I'm late for bingo, good luck you ugly little slut" and then she flew off into a pink ball and was gone!
Chapter 7: The Yellow Piss Road
Swollothy said to her self "follow the yellow piss road?" and noticed the road was filled with piss and knew it was what she was talking about, then a Bumpkin said "yes follow the yellow piss road" they broke into a song and Dorothy forgot how much she wanted to go home that she danced around with them before she left down the yellow piss road singing "I'm off to see the wanka, the wonder full wanka of Oz, we here he is a wiz of a wiz if there ever was a wiz of." then Swollothy realized he was the one who mustve whizzed on the road she was traveling!
After some time walking, Swollothy saw a scarecrow depressed, she asked what was wrong, he said "I need to get laid" she asked why he couldn't get laid "he said its because I have such a small dick" Swollothy said "have you tried fucking a crow?" he said "yes" she said "well make it hard and I will see what's wrong!" the scarecrow said "It is hard" all Swollothy saw was a piece of straw, and said "I'm on my way to see the Wanka of Oz to send me home so I can hide in the meadows and have my dog lick my dry, would you like to come with me too and ask for a bigger penis?" The Scarecrow jumped up and started singing "if I only had a bigger penis, I would tear it, and share it, spare nothing as I use it, if it was only a bit bigger"
Soon Swollothy and Scarecrow where on there way singing "where off to see the wanka the wonderful wanka of oz" Within no time passing they'd travelled 5000 miles and came to a Forrest, Swollothy said "excuse me Scarecrow, but I really need to take a piss" so Swollothy hid behind a tree and begun to piss on it, all of a sudden a voice yelled "Oi, What the fuck do you think your doing" it scared the shit out of Swollothy and Hoe-Hoe ate that one too! Swollothy asked the tree if it just talked to her, the tree pinched her ass and said "no, I'm just sitting around getting rooted all day, how'd you like it if I walked up to you and pissed on you?" Swollothy apologized but was rewarded with the tree grabbing her and bending her over, raping her ass then kicking her in the butt so hard that she rolled down the yellow piss road and until she bumped into something!
What she bumped into was a women made of tin, she tapped on it and heard the echo and a faint voice said "oil can" Swollothy and Scarecrow looked for an oil can but couldn't find one, Swollothy had an idea tho, and she told scarecrow to take of his pants, Swollothy stripped off naked and gave the scarecrow and Hoe-Hoe a double 2 at one time blow job, the 2 blew a load of cum into Swollothy's mouth and Swollothy then got up and spat it into the joints of the tin women, and the mouth, and the tin women could talk properly again!
Swollothy asked the Tin Woman what happened? The TW explained that she was masturbating one day when it begun to rain and she was almost about to cum when she rusted and had been that way ever since! Swollothy asked why she was masturbating and why she didn't just get laid? The Tin Woman said, " Well my boyfriend C3PO dumped me because I didn't have big enough tits!" The tin women then went into a song singing, "if I only had bigger tits and not so razor sharp teeth" After her song and dance Swollothy and Scarecrow invited her to come and see the wanka of oz and ask for bigger tits, so they sang "where off to see the wanka the wonderful wanka of oz"
Chapter 8: Time for a new chapter here we think
Some time had past and they walking through a crowded city street that looked much like Manhattan and they where afraid of Aids, rapists and bears oh my and after chanting that for a minute a big Gay bear jumped out in front of them and asked them to fight, he scared them until he tried to fuck Hoe-Hoe and Swollothy kicked him in the nuts, as they where running from him they heard him crying in pain, Swollothy couldn't just leave him there so they went back, and the Bear asked why she kicked him there and Swollothy said well you shouldn't try to fuck my boyfriend, and the Gay Bear said I'm sorry and cried some more!
Swollothy said, "Why your not tough at all you're a cowardly wimp" The Gay Bear said "that right I am a coward I have to rape little dogs because I cant get any real bitches" Swollothy asked why he didn't just hire a prostitute and the Gay bear said "cause I don't have any balls" After his song and dance about not having testicles, he was invited by the group to join them and ask the wanka for some balls, which the Bear somehow also out of the blue knew the words to "where off to see the wanka, that wonder wanka of oz" The Wicked Hillary Bitch was watching them through her husbands left testicle ball that she had just detached to make soup for the night, and thought, she cant get to the wanka, I must stop her, I need something that will put her to sleep, something that will make her hmm" and the witch cast her spell!
As the group came out of the woods they could see a big white gooey city, Swollothy said there it is, lets run to it! But what Swollothy didn't know was that the wicked bitch had turned the grass into dope, and Swollothy caught a whiff of the smell and stopped and knew what that smell was! She picked some grass and shoved it up the Tin Woman's ass and lit her funnel on her head with a lighter and the group got high smoking weed from the Tin Woman tiny tit holes!
Soon the group where all sleepy and dropped out to sleep, but what the witch hadn't thought of was their craving for the munchies, and soon enough one woke the other and they ran to cum city for some food!
Chapter 9: Emerald Shitty, the green Cum City
They knocked on the door and the guy said, "go away" Swollothy said, "you have to let me in" - The man said "no, blow me". Swollothy said "but I've already done my share for today" Then the gay bear said "ill do it" so the gay bear blew him and they where in! They stormed the food and ate and ate and ate and then said "ok fucknuts, where's the wanka?" they where shown to the wanka pad and they asked if they could see the wizard, but the guard said "no, no body may disturb the wanka while he's wanking" - "well how long does he take?" Swollothy asked! The guard said "can take days... even weeks sometimes... hell, even i dont know how long!"
Swollothy said "no, you got to take us to him now!" The guard refused and slammed the door! Swollothy started to cry and bitch about how everything was for nothing and she wasn't gonnah get home, then the pink witch put a spell over Swollothy to help her, Swollothy felt a pain inside her stomach and started to have a spasm on the floor, none of the others knew what was happening, then she stopped and her eyes opened glowing red, the Witch had given her instant PMS!
Swollothy didn't even knock; she just kicked the door down and ripped off the guard's nuts, and walked down the hallway to the wanka's room! She burst in and demanded her demands be for filled to a ghostly image of the wizard, because not even the wizard could not fear PMS, so he was hiding! He said "ill grant your wish's if you fuck me, but I want to be fucked by the broom stick of the Wicked Witch! Go get it for me"
Chapter 10: That Wicked Bitch Of The West
So the group went to the Bitch's castle and snuck in, but on there way Swollothy was caught by a flying monkey, she spanked it hard but for the first time she couldn't make one cum and it dropped her off in the top room of the bitch's castle, The bitch took out Swollothy ruby ear plugs and said 'your fucked now' and pressed play, the Thriller album started to play and Swollothy was very scared, so scared that she shit her self, but Hoe-Hoe wasn't there to eat it this time!
The others however stormed into the castle by pretending to be passers bye who just wanted to use the bathroom! They snuck away and up the stairs and found where Swollothy was and started to knock the door down by using the tin women as a battering ram!
Swollothy yelled "hurry I cant stand this much longer" then the door was broken down and they tried to run away but the wicked bitch was ready for them and stopped them with all her guards! Swollothy and the group ran down a little passage way and into the bathroom, but they where trapped, and the witch closed in on her, telling her she was going to kill her and mutilate her and eat her little doggy licking pussy for breakfast, Swollothy hid behind a cubical door where the witch couldn't get her, and so the witch used bribery and black mail and said "come out or I will set fire to your straw dick little friend" Swollothy started to cry and then she came out, but the witch set fire to the scarecrows dick any way, the scarecrows cock was on fire and Dorothy thought "I have to save him" so she quickly grabbed Hoe-Hoe and picked him up and started jacking him off and within seconds she made Hoe-Hoe cum so hard that it not only put out the scarecrows cock that was on fire, but it blinded the witch right in the eyes!
The witch staggered around screaming and cursing, so Swollothy grabbed the Tin Woman in a head lock and used her head with the funnel as a battering ram and knocked the witch in the butt so hard that the Witch hurled straight into the toilet head first and begun to melt, screaming "I'm melting I'm melting, oh what a world" under the water of coarse! The Evil wicked Bitch was no more, and the guards all cheered Swollothy and thanked her for ridding the evil bitch who paid them under minimum wage and cut off all there penis's because she thought they represented death!Swollothy took the broom and they all ran back to the wanka of oz!
Chapter 11: Back To The Wanka Of Oz
The wanka was still afraid because he had a little secret, and told them all to fuck off, but Swollothy's PMS started brewing again and she demanded that they had done what he asked now it was time to give them what they asked for, the Hoe-Hoe sniffed out the Wanka behind a Curtin and he was busted, Swollothy grabbed the wanks balls and squeezed them tight and asked why he wouldn't give them what they wanted!
The Wanka sighed and said, "because I'm only a masturbator, I'm not a magician or a wizard or anything, I'm just an Australian wanka, I don't have any spechel powers! But I will tell you what, some of you are confused, you there scarecrow ask for a brain, but if you didn't have a brain you wouldn't have pissed on the witch and killed her" the scarecrow said "but I didn't, and its not a brain I want, it's a bigger dick"
"Oh" said the wizard, "well, where I come from the women's heads are so small they'd make your dick look humongous, so heres a plain ticket to Munckin land! And then you Tin Women you want bigger tits, well, you only want them because your ex boyfriend C3PO wanted bigger tits? Well that's his opinion and people must love your heart and not your breasts so show them what your heart is made of and you wont even be worried about your tits, and besides, have you seen him in Star Wars? He doesn't even look like he has a penis, so that's what id likes to say "and eye for an eye" and of coarse you Cowardly Gay Bear, well, if you didn't have balls you couldn't produce cum which would mean you wouldn't have wanted to fuck Hoe-Hoe here when you did, so how can I give you balls when you already have them? No what you need is therapy, I'm sure you are quite fucked up in the head or something, so ill recommend you to Dr.Dolittle or something ok!" "And as for you little girl, to get home, ill tell you how little girl, I want you to get down on your knees and closed your eyes, now I want you to hold this" the wanka then unzips his fly "I want you to wrap you hands around it and your mouth and say 'there's no taste like home"! Swollothy then repeats the words as she blows the wanka and then the wanks brews up a storm and Swollothy's mouth fills with raging cum and she's blown off her feet and into the air so fast that she passes out!
Chapter 12: Go Home, Bitch
Still chanting "there no taste like home" she wakes up in her bedroom with her friends and family surrounding her bed, and saying "good she's alive, thought id have to find another whore to fuck" Swollothy explained about where shed been and everyone had a laugh and she explained that it was so real and they were all there, then Dorothy panicked and said "where the fucks Hoe-Hoe and then under the blankets she felt him licked her, and she smiled and shone a face of relief, then a face of shock "oh no, what if the wicked bitch …I mean Hillary comes back for Hoe-Hoe aunty rim??" Aunty rim smiled and told Swollothy to relax ,Hillary was run over on her new fuel injected twin pumped double action twin turbo combusted nitro inverted motor scooter -with Air Conditioning ,electric seat adjusting and carry on luggage storage compartments that she got for a very good price from the local Toyota dealer while listening to Willie Nelsons "on the road again"
They all laughed and left Dorothy and Hoe-Hoe to finally be together and live happily ever after, until Swollothy started singing "we fucked the wanka, the wonder wanka of oz" and was shot in the back of the head for constantly singing all the time which is not meant to happen in the real world, so her ass was bagged and tagged!
Chapter 13: The End