UnBooks:The Scary Story Of The Scary Scottish Scotsman
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Every second day Billy had to have a history lesson with 50-year-old Scottish teacher Mr.MacMatheison. Mr.MacMatheison is very scary. He has a baldhead that reflects so much sunlight it burns your eyes. Once it caused someone to have a seizure. Mr.MacMatheison is not smart. He only teaches history to get a second pay check. Billy mostly learns about Scottish people in history class. Billy had watched Braveheart about 50 times in Mr.MacMatheison’s class. This mildly pissed Billy off. If Billy wanted to see Mel Gibson slash up Englishmen and Jews he just had to go to Hollywood.
One day Mr.MacMatheison was late for class. It was a windy day leaves flew about the air like birds gliding the sky. Then suddenly Mr.MacMatheison came run down the pathway…wearing a kilt. Mr.MacMatheison ran faster down the path kilt flapping in the mourning air…actually his kilt wasn’t the only thing that was flapping. Something else was flapping something hard, huge scary it looked like a yam only more hairy. IT WAS…H-HIS-HIS PEANUTS. The peanuts proceeded to fall on the floor revealing a little baby yam. Billy threw up on the floor disgusted at Mr.MacMatheison’s yam-penis. Mr.MacMatheison seeing the number of students throwing up one the floor shouted, “Don’t wourry kids its only Scottish traydition”.
Billy entered the classroom. Mr.MacMatheison jumped in excitement…it was not the prettiest of Scottish sites. Billy would have preferred to see had seen Loch Ness. "I now knewe to doo the dance of the four lowgs” said Mr.MacMatheison “but I nay have but 0 lowgs soo I need 4 stuuudeents tee help me be the lowgs”. “OH NOES” shouted the students. “Don’t wourry kids its only Scottish traydition” said Mr.MacMatheison. After the dance was finished with minimal casualties Mr.MacMatheison to ask all the girls to take their clothes off. . “Don’t wourry kids its only Scottish traydition” said Mr.MacMatheison. The girls took off all their clothes and Mr.MacMatheison preceded to put his hand down his pants. “What are you doing Mr.MacMatheison” asked Billy. “Ummm nofing just looking for my keys yeaaah that what im doooing”. Just then ‘Pura’ milk erupted from Mr.MacMatheison’s kilt, spaying everyone. Billy licked the milk from his lips and shouted “Hey wait a minute that’s not milk!”
Mr.MacMatheison was arrested the next day for perverted activities. As he was taken he said to Billy “Don’t wourry kid its only Scottish traydition”.