UnBooks:Octagon the Bumble Bee
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Once upon a time, in a land similar to our own, there was a bumblebee by the name of Octagon. He was named after his shape and shaped after his name. It can be hard to imagine what an octagonal bumble bee would look like, but I urge you to try. Instead of being round, he took the form of an eight-sided shape. He had octagonal eyes, an octagonal sting and even produced honeycomb in an octagonal pattern. His shape was immediately problematic.
Octagon’s unusually shaped wings made flying difficult. His octagonal fuzz was far from ideal with regards to collecting pollen. And his octagonal body made it impossible to communicate with his fellow worker bees through the sacred art of dance. Increasingly isolated from his close-knit bee society, Octagon was ordered to leave by the queen, who referred to him as ‘happy-looking’. Octagon packed his belongings in an octagonal suitcase and flew awkwardly out of the hive with an octagonal flight path, not crying octagonal tears.
Octagon did not adjust well to life in the wild. Without the bee community telling him where the nearest nectar was to be found, starvation became a serious risk. Forced to sleep rough in the pouring rain and freezing cold, the harsh environment threatened his survival. And accompanied only by the sound of his own octagonal buzz, he had never felt so all alone. Like all bees, he resigned himself to a short, pointless existence. But just as he gave up all hope, he spotted another bee in the distance and in doing so made the most exciting discovery.
Her name was Rhombus and she had also been forced out of her society as a result of her unusual shape. She was named after her shape and shaped after her name. Instead of being round, she was diamond-like in shape. She had rhombus eyes, a rhombus sting and… I’m sure you get the picture. Immediately Octagon and Rhombus hit it off, and became even closer as time progressed. Even although their respective shapes made for a poor sex life, Octagon and Rhombus had found arthropodic love in its purest form. Octagon had been so happy.
- Fewer sides than a nonagon
- Better than a square
- It's Octagon The Bumblebee
- Quite unlike the other bees
- Good language from the inset
- It’s Octagon The Bumblebee
However, Octagon and Rhombus’ utopian union was not to last. Discovered one day in a honeysuckle plant near a research laboratory, our hero and heroine were unexpectedly trapped in a small net. The net was held by a scientist, who hoped to carry out various experiments upon the bee kingdom’s most bizarre couple for the rest of their lives. Octagon and Rhombus were held captive in separate plastic boxes on opposite sides of the same room. Each night they would stare in each other’s direction and dream of one day being reunited.
Their chance finally came many months later. A mistake made in a routine check by a scientist on work experience left one box open. Rhombus was the first to escape, and immediately flew over to Octagon. Realising his mistake, the scientist captured him and was about to put him back in his box when Octagon escaped. He stung the scientist, and without his dying breath said, “Fly to the beehive, my love you are free now!” Rhombus replied, “I love you Octagon”, and made a narrow escape in of a nearby beehive. He survived for almost two hours after this, at which point she was inexplicably eaten by a small child.
“Octagon! Rhombus! Octagon!”