UnBooks:My sojourn/Chapter 9

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Loaves fishes tilapia002

It looked kinda like this and I had to feed five thousand people with it!

Dude, that fucking crowd was huge. Like, WTF?

edit So there I was

stepping off my fucking boat, doing my Christ thing with the walking on the water and the feeding of the hungry, right? Like, Messiah food bank shit.

So I step into Bethsaida and there's like five thousand fucking people yelling "Oh feed us, oh Lord!"

So I pull out my backpack and I see I brought like five fucking loaves of bread and two fucking fish, and I think to myself, I did not plan this very well.

edit and these fucking people

burst out of their houses, hunger all over the place, and instead of going for work, they make their peopleline straight for me! And they're like "Oh, savior, we're so hungry!" And I am like "Ummm okay hold on, blessed be the patient or some shit."

So I turn to my friend Farm Boy and I say "Dude, you gotta go run and get some more food"

And Farm Boy says "I don't think anything's open, man."

edit so I pulled out my

backpack again and broke one of the loaves in half, and all of a sudden there were loaves and fishes fucking everywhere. It was like a fucking loaf and fish convention for lonely loaves to hook up with hot fishes.

So I yelled "Loaves and fishes for all!" and I sat on a rock. And the women washed my feet with their hair while they chomped down on loaves and fishes.

And suddenly these people whom I fed nailed me to a god damn cross.

I barely got away with a loss of both life and illusions.

edit No, seriously.

I nearly ran out of loaves and fishes when I tried to feed them!

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