UnBooks:Hutt River Anthology

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Unpoetia logo Poetry for people who hate poetry
Huttriver01

Despite their often dark subject matter, many of the poems featured within the anthology are considered to be love sonnets when spoken in their native Huttese.


“Jabba wa-neen-chi chko-ka a noo-ee shah-nee trai-tran-a-ee wan-ya rooska. Heh heh heh....”
~ Noel Coward on Jabba the Hutt

edit Introductory Essay

The Hutt River Anthology is a collection of poems written by Edgar Lee Majors, based around the lives and deaths of the inhabitants of the Hutt River Province, an Alderaanian splinter-state founded on the principals of gluttony and skimpy metal bikinis. The Province is ran by Jabba Desilijic Tiure of the notorious Hutt crime and pizza empire. The motto of the micronation is "Bring me Han Solo or a steak hoagie."

The poems are written from the perspective of people sentenced to death in the town's Sarlacc pit. Most of the poems are ruminations on a life wasted, a startling, honest confession, or a bout of screaming brought on by the immense suffering one encounters inside the Sarlacc.

edit Critical Response

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hutt River Anthology.

Upon release the Anthology was met with mixed responses from both critics and the general public. Many modernists applauded its accurate, often dark portrayal of life in the outer reaches of the galaxy. But many socially conservative species were angered over the frank discussions of issues as complex as sex among family members, drug problems, and attachments to phallic-looking aliens. The Anthology did, however, find a ready made following amongst the slave classes of some of the more outlying areas of the Outer Rim and Queensland.

Many (now deceased) critics pointed to the metrical irregularity, lack of conventional rhyme schemes and literary technique, and its free verse styling as a major difficulty for comprehension. It wasn't until the Hutts threatened to drop family members of critics into the pit of the Rancor that the subtle wordplay and poetic diction inherent within the works became widely appreciated by those left alive.

edit Selected Poems

Some of the most famous pieces from the anthology include the following classic poems (provided in both Galactic Standard and Huttese):

edit Klaatu Barada Nikto

Klaatu, Jabba's chief financial advisor, is the protagonist of a famous poem, shocking for its time, about sexual identity and frustration.

An excerpt:

One day my world stood still,
it was as if I were engulfed in night,
at war with the Army of Darkness,
but really I was just gay.
Baawa, jeewa owga oorgh,
Taawa, keeekle
Baawa, p'tang p'tang,
Moo.

edit O' Bib Fortuna

O' Bib, author of the famous ancient Greek work of verse, Metamorphoses, writes his final poem here, a startling confessionary poem entitled Somber Sunday

Verily, the waves of ardor claim, by chance,
My Heart, and my Head, and my Soul,
Heavy now lies, my lover in my mind,
Jabba the Hutt, you complete me
O Fortuna,
Velut luna,
Statu variabilis,
Semper crescis

edit Wedge Antilles

Wedge Antilles is one of the stranger poems in the collection, because it is not epitaph about a dead person, but is an in fact a poem written from the perspective of the long-destroyed Wedge Antilles islands. The poem is thus an exercise in poetic anthropomorphism.

The tourists walk, on my face of glittering sand,
an ediface dedicated to mixed drinks, and sandals
and their ugly screaming kids;
I wish they would stop stepping on my face
Krach, baaaad
Firrca! Firrisca!
Biirja, Gaawa
AAAAAAAAA!

edit Jabba the Hutt

Jabba the Hutt, famed intergalactic crime lord, is the subject of one of the anthology's most touching poems, a regretful rumination on love lost.

Brisk like a cold winters dawn,
the memory of my first love still haunts me
fanning my hatred
but I was so hungry, and she looked so appealing...
Beeda Beeda
Wankaja, Wirtiba
Kaaaaaank!
Mhhm.

edit Boba Fett

Boba Fett, Jabba's chief interior decorator, is the author one of the anthology's more obscure poems, about the difficulties of interacial love.

A dirge of love, undefined
unconstrained, by guidelines and sanctions,
is painful for all involved
when your love embrace has such sharp claws
Twees! Bwees!
Kurdaja, Oorloota
Scribba Dibba!
Heebie Jeebie!

edit Guido

Guido, Jabba the Hutt's stereotypical Italian mafia henchmen, is famous for his confrontation with one Han Solo in an attempt to collect money loaned to him by 'la familia'. The poem deals with this dramatic confrontation.

In the dark and misty cesspool that was the saloon
subterfuge was the language of the outlaws and Solo spoke it well
I felt the searing pain of retribution;
the bastard shot me in the nuts
Kickack Toowack
Insebarj, Kiri
Kismet
Isto, Isto rectimish


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