Experts have disagreed on the controversial question which has hounded mankind for centuries: peepeeorpee pee? One word or two? I'm guessing two, but can you ever really be sure?
Experts have disagreed on the controversial question which has hounded mankind for centuries: peepee or pee pee? One word or two? I'm guessing two, but can you ever really be sure? We'll just use '''pee''' in this book for the sake of [[brevity]].
−
Commonly used among hikers,[[GeorgeW.Bush]], and[[Batman]] urine is easily accessed for self-consumption. Male mammals have the ability to aim this refreshing drink directly into their mouths. Females, you might need a cup.
+
Commonly used among hikers asaliquid hydrant, pee,or urine as it is colloquially known, can almost always be easily accessed for self-consumption. Male [[mammal]]s have the ability to aim this refreshing drink directly into their mouths, but most females might need a cup or funnel system.
−
Themajority of theworld'surinecanbefounddilutedinsewage,sea-water, orin the neighborhoodswimmingpool.
+
Thereis not a single person on this great planet of oursthathasnottriedpissingyellowliquidout of his[[penis]], makingit the thirdmostpopular choice of activities following [[sleeping]], and [[eating]].
+
[[Image:Sprung a leak.JPG|right|300px|thumb|Currently, '''France is making public urination a sport''', with the attempt to get it entered as an event in the Summer Olympics. Pissed off, pissed on, pissing for gold-plated plastic platinum trophies--those French!]]
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Someindividuals music industry, particularly fans of Marilyn Manson and KISS, enjoy a refreshing splash of urine in their face from time to time.
+
==Ptheletter==
−
+
'''P''' is the 72nd letter of the [[Jibberish|alphabet]]. It is widely known for being the raunchiest, naughtiest letter, most likely due to its association with the word "Pee." Various [[Christian]] family groups have been fighting to have the letter censored for over 50 years now, with varying success. The letter P made its first appearance in John Ash's 1775 ''A New and Complete Alphabet Book,'' listed as a "low" and "vulgar" letter. It wasn't until 1880, however, with the publishing of the D.H. Lawrence novel ''Lady Chatterdale's Lover'', that the letter was extensively used for the first time. The letter immediately caused outrage upon its introduction to the [[English]] language due to the extensive giggling it caused (giggling was considered an outrage until the early 1940's). The letter P has also been proven to make people feel fat.
−
Not a single person on this great planet of ours has not tried urinating (pissing yellow pee out of your dick), making it the most popular choice of activities second only to [[sleeping]], and [[eating]]. In France they are making urination a sport. Pissed off, pissed on, pissing for gold-plated plastic trophies--those French.
==How to pee properly==
==How to pee properly==
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''NOTE: the following does not apply to [[poop]]ing.''
+
'''''NOTE:''' the following does not apply to [[HowTo:Take a Dump|poop]]ing.''
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Drink several cups of tea. If you don't like tea, cups of someone else's pee can be substituted under proper supervision (see the section: "How to drink pee"). Five or six cups should do the trick, although one can of Mountain Dew has been proven to have the same effect. Straighten up your genitals and relax. Just let it loose. It should come out in a clear or yellow stream.
+
Drink several cups of tea. If you don't like tea, cups of someone else's pee can be substituted under proper supervision (see the section: "How to drink pee"). Five or six cups should do the trick, although one can of Mountain Dew has been proven to have the same effect. Straighten up your genitals and relax. Just let it loose. It should come out in a clear yellowish stream.
'''How to pee in a toilet standing up, and down:'''
+
====For men:====
+
'''Up:''' Put seat up. Stand straight, aim and enjoy. Put seat down. Go "mmmm."
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*Uricacid
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'''Down:'''Take a seat if you've had a long day. Take your penis and tuck it safely between your legs so it doesn't touch the toilet. Make sure it's done in a way you don't piss on yourself.
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*Intact Private Place (Ineffective for Tiger Woods)
+
−
*Vaseline
+
====For women:====
+
'''Up:''' (Also known as the "sit and squat") If you are at an unsanitary bathroom, or feel like straining yourself more at a clean bathroom. Simply squat (which might be misleading by the title, squatting is like sitting and standing at the same time) making sure you can aim where your pee will go, and that you aren't going to fall in the toilet or on the seat.
+
+
'''Down:''' Sit, let it gush out. Go "[[orgasm|ahhh]]." Try not to orgasm.
+
+
=== Chemical components of pee ===
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*Fairy dust
+
*[[Major urinary proteins|Uric acid]]
*Pabst Blue Ribbon
*Pabst Blue Ribbon
*Sunshine
*Sunshine
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*Tinkle
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*Tinkle twinkle
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dust
−
=== How to pee in a toilet standing up, anddown===
+
==Trinkle in thedark ==
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Men:
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Up: Put seat up. Stand straight, aim and enjoy. Put seat down. Go "mmmm".
−
Down: Take a seat if you've had a long day. Take your penis is tuck it safely between your legs so it doesn't touch the toilet. Make sure it's done in a way you don't piss on yourself.
−
Woman:
+
A common difficulty experienced by urinators is getting pee into the toilet when it is dark. Experts recommend clipping a book light to your [[penis]]. Then, when you have to take a piss, just hit the button and turn it on. There you go, now you can see where your going and you won't get yelled at to clean up your mess. If you do make a mess the best way to remove pee from any surface is to rub the object or area with peanut butter, pour on some Coke, and let soak in thoroughly. Then use a cup to scoop up the soggy peanut butter and the pee stain will be gone! Shamwow! But just in case, you can always do a "favor" for whoever you live with: buy them a nice rug to cover up the mess and pray it doesn't smell. *Sniffs* ahhhh... fresh!
−
Up: (Also known as the "sit and squat") If you are at an unsanitary bathroom, or feel like straining yourself more at a clean bathroom. Simply squat (which might be misleading by the title, squatting is like sitting and standing at the same time) making sure you can aim wear your pee will go, and that you aren't going to fall in the toilet or on the seat.
−
Down: Sit, let it gush out. Go "[[orgasm|ahhh]]".
−
−
===A trinkle in the dark ===
−
−
A common difficulty experienced by urinators is getting pee into the toilet when it is dark. Experts recommend clipping a book light to your [[penis]]. Then, when you have to take a piss, just hit the button and turn it on. There you go, now you can see where your going and you won't get yelled at to clean up your mess. If you do make a mess the best way to remove pee from any surface is to rub the object on area with peanut butter, pour on some Coke, and rub thoroughly. Then use a cup to scoop up the soggy peanut butter and the pee stain will be gone! Shamwow! But just in case, you can always do a "favor" for who ever you live with and buy them a nice rug for the bathroom and pray it doesn't smell. *Sniffs* ahhhh... fresh!
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this is a guide how to pee: you just take out your long jhon (penis) and begins too pee
== How to drink pee ==
== How to drink pee ==
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Now that you'd learn how to pee, learn how to DRINK PEE
+
[[File:Drinkpee.jpg|right]]
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Now that you've learnt how to pee, learn how to DRINK PEE!!!!! [[Madonna]] does it as she believes in recycling and adoption.
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Anexcellent urine-based cocktail, known as the [[Excalibur]], can be created with the following recipe:
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===TheExcaliber===
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This excellent pee-based cocktail, once drunk by the [[King Arthur|Knights of the Round Table]], can be recreated with the following recipe:
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3 oz. Dom Perignon, or other fine [[champagne]]
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*3 oz. Dom Perignon, or other fine [[champagne]]
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*3 oz. single-malt [[scotch]]
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*2 oz. sherry
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*A dash of [[butter]]
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*Handful of sea salt
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*Freshly squeezed lemon juice (no pun intended)
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3oz. single-malt[[scotch]]
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Combineall ingredients in a highball glass and consume immediately. Then add crushed ice to the empty glass, wait one to two hours, and pee into the glass. Consume this as well.
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2oz. sherry
+
{{Tip|right|Sometimesit is very helpful when drinking pee out of a glass to use a tube or a straw. This gives it that extra death
+
.}}
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Adash of bitters
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===LeToilet===
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Another popular way to drink pee is as follows:
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Handful of salt.
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*4 cups of [[warm piss water|pee]] (best if yellow)
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*8 oz. vodka
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*2 oz. spit
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*8 g peanut butter
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Combineallingredients in a highballglassandconsume. Thenaddcrushedicetotheemptyglass,waitone to two hours, andurinateinto the glass. Consume.
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Mixthepee, vodka, and spit in a largepunchbowl,stirringgently. Slowlyblendinpeanutbutter.Iknowthissoundsgross, buttryit
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Anotherpopularwaytodrinkurine is as follows:
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==Themagicofyellow==
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Mix four cups of pee [best if yellow] with 8oz of vodka and stir gently. Add 2oz of spit, and 8grams of peanut butter. Then add three cups of toilet water. Drink up. I know it sounds gross, but try it.
Sometimes it is veryhelpfulwhendrinkingpeeoutofaglasstouseatubeorastraw. Thisgivesitthatextrakick.
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*Urinating, pissing, and in some circles, "leaking" has a long-standing tradition of beauty, and most importantly, it is thesourceofallthenaturalpowerintheuniverse.In[[1492]],whenPresident[[GeorgeW. Bush]]wasfirst inaugurated, pee was his first beverage intheWhiteHouse.
+
*The majority of the world's pee can be found diluted in sewage, sea-water, or in your nearest neighborhood public swimming pool.
+
*Some individuals in the music industry, particularly fans of Black Sabbath, [[KISS]], and [[R. Kelly]] often enjoy refreshing splashes of pee in their face from time to time while attending the concerts of these artists.
+
*Peeing in public places can be another way of greeting people, and it is especially polite if you "shake" in their face.
+
*Pee is a common ingredient in ''lemon snowcones'', which are usually given to drunks or "hammered persons" who believe they are merely enjoying a lemon snowcone while spending the night in the drunk-tank.
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== TheMagicofYellow ==
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===Whatifyourpeeturnsblue??===
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'''''WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!''''' Get to the emergency room, man! Hurry up and RUN!!!
−
Urination,urine,peeing, pissing, and in some circles, "leaking" has a long-standing tradition of beauty, and most importantly, it is the source of all power in the universe. In [[1492]], when President [[Gerald R. Ford]] was first inaugurated, urine was his first beverage in theWhiteHouse.
Several doctors bragging honorary degrees from "Happy Harry's Honorary Degree Emporium" have recently determined that super human strength, speed, and smell can be gained by recycling pee. One can recycle pee either by drinking pee, freebasing pee, or applying pee crystals [[HeadOn|directly to the forehead]]. Dr. Steve Jobbs claimed to have all these powers as a result of consuming his own pee. We are unable to confirm this claim, however, since Dr. Steve died during the testing of his theory regarding recycled pee and flight.
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Urinatinginpublic places is another way of greeting people, and is especially polite if you "shake" in their face. Urination can also be sexually enjoyable between people, peeing on other people can be seen as part of sex, while peeing on oneself may be considered "Golden Shower" man. Urine is also a common ingredient in "Lemon Snowcones", which is usually given to a drunk or "hammered person" who believes they are merely enjoying a lemonsnowcone.
+
==*Note to females==
−
+
In much of this book, the word "penis" is used. This is due to [[Sexism|biological conventions]]. If you substitute "[[vagina]]" in all cases of instruction - get (it) and spead the "lips" with two fingers (it) with one or both hands - the same effect will be achieved. I know they told you in grade school that you couldn't pee standing up, but that's just a lie to hold you back. You're a big girl now, and can do what you like.
−
== '''What Happens When Your Pee Turns Blue'''?? ==
+
[[File:Peeandpoo.jpg|left|250px]]
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If your pee is blue, then '''''WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!''''' Get to the emergency room, man! Hurry up and RUN!!!
−
−
Recent studies have also indicated that drinking Nuka Cola Quantum can make your pee glow blue and drinking gratuitous amounts of '''''POWERTHIRST''''', will do the trick.
−
−
== Recycled Urine and Super Powers ==
−
−
Several doctors bragging honorary degrees from "Happy Harry's Honorary Degree Emporium" have recently determined that super human strength, speed, and smell can be gained by recycling urine. One can recycle urine either by drinking urine, freebasing urine, or applying urine crystals directly to the dick. Dr. Steve claimed to have all the powers described above as a result of drinking his own urine. However, Dr. Steve died during testing of his theory regarding recycled urine and flight.
−
−
== Note to females ==
−
In much of this article, the word "penis" is used. This is due to biological conventions. If you substitute "vagina" in all instructions - get it out and hold onto it with both hands - the same effect will be achieved. I know they told you in grade school that you couldn't pee standing up, but that's just a lie to hold you back. You're a big girl now, and can do what you like.
== See Also==
== See Also==
*[[Pea]]
*[[Pea]]
+
*[[Penis]]
+
*[[Peanut]]
+
*[[Piss]]
*[[Poo]]
*[[Poo]]
−
*[[Diapers]]
+
*[[Golden shower]]
−
*[[Pissant]]
+
*[[Uncyclopedia:Pee Review|Pee Review]]
−
*[[Piss]]
+
<br clear="all">
−
*[[Penis]]
+
{{alphabet}}
−
*[[Dildo]]
+
[[Category:letters]]
−
*[[Fuck]]
+
[[zh:P]]
−
*[[sex]]
−
*[[orgy]]
−
*[[The White Stripes]]
−
*[[Wii]]
−
*[[Your Mom]]
−
*[[G-spot|U-Spot]]
−
−
{{catstub|Bodily functions}}
−
[[ar:بول مبارك]]
[[ar:بول مبارك]]
[[da:Urin]]
[[da:Urin]]
Line 89:
Line 92:
[[Category:I Didn't Know I Had It In Me]]
[[Category:I Didn't Know I Had It In Me]]
[[Category:Beverages]]
[[Category:Beverages]]
+
[[Category:Bodily functions]]
Latest revision as of 09:46, March 27, 2013
UnBooks:All about pee (P)
left
The novel All about pee
is also available in paperback.
Experts have disagreed on the controversial question which has hounded mankind for centuries: peepee or pee pee? One word or two? I'm guessing two, but can you ever really be sure? We'll just use pee in this book for the sake of brevity.
Commonly used among hikers as a liquid hydrant, pee, or urine as it is colloquially known, can almost always be easily accessed for self-consumption. Male mammals have the ability to aim this refreshing drink directly into their mouths, but most females might need a cup or funnel system.
There is not a single person on this great planet of ours that has not tried pissing yellow liquid out of his penis, making it the third most popular choice of activities following sleeping, and eating.
Currently, France is making public urination a sport, with the attempt to get it entered as an event in the Summer Olympics. Pissed off, pissed on, pissing for gold-plated plastic platinum trophies--those French!
P is the 72nd letter of the alphabet. It is widely known for being the raunchiest, naughtiest letter, most likely due to its association with the word "Pee." Various Christian family groups have been fighting to have the letter censored for over 50 years now, with varying success. The letter P made its first appearance in John Ash's 1775 A New and Complete Alphabet Book, listed as a "low" and "vulgar" letter. It wasn't until 1880, however, with the publishing of the D.H. Lawrence novel Lady Chatterdale's Lover, that the letter was extensively used for the first time. The letter immediately caused outrage upon its introduction to the English language due to the extensive giggling it caused (giggling was considered an outrage until the early 1940's). The letter P has also been proven to make people feel fat.
Drink several cups of tea. If you don't like tea, cups of someone else's pee can be substituted under proper supervision (see the section: "How to drink pee"). Five or six cups should do the trick, although one can of Mountain Dew has been proven to have the same effect. Straighten up your genitals and relax. Just let it loose. It should come out in a clear yellowish stream.
Up: Put seat up. Stand straight, aim and enjoy. Put seat down. Go "mmmm."
Down: Take a seat if you've had a long day. Take your penis and tuck it safely between your legs so it doesn't touch the toilet. Make sure it's done in a way you don't piss on yourself.
Up: (Also known as the "sit and squat") If you are at an unsanitary bathroom, or feel like straining yourself more at a clean bathroom. Simply squat (which might be misleading by the title, squatting is like sitting and standing at the same time) making sure you can aim where your pee will go, and that you aren't going to fall in the toilet or on the seat.
Down: Sit, let it gush out. Go "ahhh." Try not to orgasm.
A common difficulty experienced by urinators is getting pee into the toilet when it is dark. Experts recommend clipping a book light to your penis. Then, when you have to take a piss, just hit the button and turn it on. There you go, now you can see where your going and you won't get yelled at to clean up your mess. If you do make a mess the best way to remove pee from any surface is to rub the object or area with peanut butter, pour on some Coke, and let soak in thoroughly. Then use a cup to scoop up the soggy peanut butter and the pee stain will be gone! Shamwow! But just in case, you can always do a "favor" for whoever you live with: buy them a nice rug to cover up the mess and pray it doesn't smell. *Sniffs* ahhhh... fresh!
Combine all ingredients in a highball glass and consume immediately. Then add crushed ice to the empty glass, wait one to two hours, and pee into the glass. Consume this as well.
Tip
Sometimes it is very helpful when drinking pee out of a glass to use a tube or a straw. This gives it that extra death
.
Urinating, pissing, and in some circles, "leaking" has a long-standing tradition of beauty, and most importantly, it is the source of all the natural power in the universe. In 1492, when President George W. Bush was first inaugurated, pee was his first beverage in the White House.
The majority of the world's pee can be found diluted in sewage, sea-water, or in your nearest neighborhood public swimming pool.
Some individuals in the music industry, particularly fans of Black Sabbath, KISS, and R. Kelly often enjoy refreshing splashes of pee in their face from time to time while attending the concerts of these artists.
Peeing in public places can be another way of greeting people, and it is especially polite if you "shake" in their face.
Pee is a common ingredient in lemon snowcones, which are usually given to drunks or "hammered persons" who believe they are merely enjoying a lemon snowcone while spending the night in the drunk-tank.
Several doctors bragging honorary degrees from "Happy Harry's Honorary Degree Emporium" have recently determined that super human strength, speed, and smell can be gained by recycling pee. One can recycle pee either by drinking pee, freebasing pee, or applying pee crystals directly to the forehead. Dr. Steve Jobbs claimed to have all these powers as a result of consuming his own pee. We are unable to confirm this claim, however, since Dr. Steve died during the testing of his theory regarding recycled pee and flight.
In much of this book, the word "penis" is used. This is due to biological conventions. If you substitute "vagina" in all cases of instruction - get (it) and spead the "lips" with two fingers (it) with one or both hands - the same effect will be achieved. I know they told you in grade school that you couldn't pee standing up, but that's just a lie to hold you back. You're a big girl now, and can do what you like.
