UnBooks:All about pee

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:''You may have been looking for [[wii]] and not even known [[it]]!! Or, perhaps, [[Windows Error Edition|WEE]]''
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{{Title|UnBooks:All about pee (P)}}
  +
{{UnBooks}}
  +
{{Q|WAIT,WAIT,WAIT! That's not beer!|Some guy|Budweiser}}
   
{{Q|Mmm... urine.|Homer Simpson's dick}}
+
{{Q| When I do,I like to piss out of the window. |Charlie Sheen|Pissing}}
{{Q|Pee in a Goddamn bottle! Shove that bottle under your coat, and you'll be ''toasty'' warm all night.|Bear Grylls }}
 
{{Q|WAIT,WAIT,WAIT! That's not!....lemonade...|Some guy|His thirsty friend}}
 
   
Experts have disagreed on the controversial question which has hounded mankind for centuries: peepee or pee pee? One word or two? I'm guessing two, but can you ever really be sure?
+
[[File:PeeCover.jpg|thumb|right|280px|"Highly" stylized '''Book cover''']]
  +
Experts have disagreed on the controversial question which has hounded mankind for centuries: peepee or pee pee? One word or two? I'm guessing two, but can you ever really be sure? We'll just use '''pee''' in this book for the sake of [[brevity]].
   
Commonly used among hikers, [[George W. Bush]], and [[Batman]] urine is easily accessed for self-consumption. Male mammals have the ability to aim this refreshing drink directly into their mouths. Females, you might need a cup.
+
Commonly used among hikers as a liquid hydrant, pee, or urine as it is colloquially known, can almost always be easily accessed for self-consumption. Male [[mammal]]s have the ability to aim this refreshing drink directly into their mouths, but most females might need a cup or funnel system.
   
The majority of the world's urine can be found diluted in sewage, sea-water, or in the neighborhood swimming pool.
+
There is not a single person on this great planet of ours that has not tried pissing yellow liquid out of his [[penis]], making it the third most popular choice of activities following [[sleeping]], and [[eating]].
  +
[[Image:Sprung a leak.JPG|right|300px|thumb|Currently, '''France is making public urination a sport''', with the attempt to get it entered as an event in the Summer Olympics. Pissed off, pissed on, pissing for gold-plated plastic platinum trophies--those French!]]
   
Some individuals music industry, particularly fans of Marilyn Manson and KISS, enjoy a refreshing splash of urine in their face from time to time.
+
==P the letter==
+
'''P''' is the 72nd letter of the [[Jibberish|alphabet]]. It is widely known for being the raunchiest, naughtiest letter, most likely due to its association with the word "Pee." Various [[Christian]] family groups have been fighting to have the letter censored for over 50 years now, with varying success. The letter P made its first appearance in John Ash's 1775 ''A New and Complete Alphabet Book,'' listed as a "low" and "vulgar" letter. It wasn't until 1880, however, with the publishing of the D.H. Lawrence novel ''Lady Chatterdale's Lover'', that the letter was extensively used for the first time. The letter immediately caused outrage upon its introduction to the [[English]] language due to the extensive giggling it caused (giggling was considered an outrage until the early 1940's). The letter P has also been proven to make people feel fat.
Not a single person on this great planet of ours has not tried urinating (pissing yellow pee out of your dick), making it the most popular choice of activities second only to [[sleeping]], and [[eating]]. In France they are making urination a sport. Pissed off, pissed on, pissing for gold-plated plastic trophies--those French.
 
   
 
==How to pee properly==
 
==How to pee properly==
''NOTE: the following does not apply to [[poop]]ing.''
+
'''''NOTE:''' the following does not apply to [[HowTo:Take a Dump|poop]]ing.''
   
Drink several cups of tea. If you don't like tea, cups of someone else's pee can be substituted under proper supervision (see the section: "How to drink pee"). Five or six cups should do the trick, although one can of Mountain Dew has been proven to have the same effect. Straighten up your genitals and relax. Just let it loose. It should come out in a clear or yellow stream.
+
Drink several cups of tea. If you don't like tea, cups of someone else's pee can be substituted under proper supervision (see the section: "How to drink pee"). Five or six cups should do the trick, although one can of Mountain Dew has been proven to have the same effect. Straighten up your genitals and relax. Just let it loose. It should come out in a clear yellowish stream.
   
=== I GOTTA PEE ===
+
[[File:Mc_Public_Urination.png|thumb|right|400px|Some '''musicians''' are publicly [[urinated|'inspired']] on/by [[Master P]].]]
   
Some people gotta shit as well... you motha fuka
+
=== Main pee positions ===
  +
'''How to pee in a toilet standing up, and down:'''
  +
====For men:====
  +
'''Up:''' Put seat up. Stand straight, aim and enjoy. Put seat down. Go "mmmm."
   
=== Chemical Components of Urinating ===
+
'''Down:''' Take a seat if you've had a long day. Take your penis and tuck it safely between your legs so it doesn't touch the toilet. Make sure it's done in a way you don't piss on yourself.
   
*Uric acid
+
====For women:====
*Intact Private Place (Ineffective for Tiger Woods)
+
'''Up:''' (Also known as the "sit and squat") If you are at an unsanitary bathroom, or feel like straining yourself more at a clean bathroom. Simply squat (which might be misleading by the title, squatting is like sitting and standing at the same time) making sure you can aim where your pee will go, and that you aren't going to fall in the toilet or on the seat.
*Vaseline
 
*Pabst Blue Ribbon
 
*Sunshine
 
*Tinkle
 
dust
 
   
=== How to pee in a toilet standing up, and down ===
+
'''Down:''' Sit, let it gush out. Go "[[orgasm|ahhh]]." Try not to orgasm.
Men:
 
Up: Put seat up. Stand straight, aim and enjoy. Put seat down. Go "mmmm".
 
Down: Take a seat if you've had a long day. Take your penis is tuck it safely between your legs so it doesn't touch the toilet. Make sure it's done in a way you don't piss on yourself.
 
   
Woman:
+
==Trinkle in the dark ==
Up: (Also known as the "sit and squat") If you are at an unsanitary bathroom, or feel like straining yourself more at a clean bathroom. Simply squat (which might be misleading by the title, squatting is like sitting and standing at the same time) making sure you can aim wear your pee will go, and that you aren't going to fall in the toilet or on the seat.
 
Down: Sit, let it gush out. Go "[[orgasm|ahhh]]".
 
   
===A trinkle in the dark ===
+
A common difficulty experienced by urinators is getting pee into the toilet when it is dark. Experts recommend clipping a book light to your [[penis]]. Then, when you have to take a piss, just hit the button and turn it on. There you go, now you can see where your going and you won't get yelled at to clean up your mess. If you do make a mess the best way to remove pee from any surface is to rub the object or area with peanut butter, pour on some Coke, and let soak in thoroughly. Then use a cup to scoop up the soggy peanut butter and the pee stain will be gone! Shamwow! But just in case, you can always do a "favor" for whoever you live with: buy them a nice rug to cover up the mess and pray it doesn't smell. *Sniffs* ahhhh... fresh!
 
A common difficulty experienced by urinators is getting pee into the toilet when it is dark. Experts recommend clipping a book light to your [[penis]]. Then, when you have to take a piss, just hit the button and turn it on. There you go, now you can see where your going and you won't get yelled at to clean up your mess. If you do make a mess the best way to remove pee from any surface is to rub the object on area with peanut butter, pour on some Coke, and rub thoroughly. Then use a cup to scoop up the soggy peanut butter and the pee stain will be gone! Shamwow! But just in case, you can always do a "favor" for who ever you live with and buy them a nice rug for the bathroom and pray it doesn't smell. *Sniffs* ahhhh... fresh!
 
this is a guide how to pee: you just take out your long jhon (penis) and begins too pee
 
   
 
== How to drink pee ==
 
== How to drink pee ==
Now that you'd learn how to pee, learn how to DRINK PEE
+
[[File:Drinkpee.jpg|right]]
  +
Now that you've learnt how to pee, learn how to DRINK PEE!!!!! [[Madonna]] does it as she believes in recycling and adoption.
   
An excellent urine-based cocktail, known as the [[Excalibur]], can be created with the following recipe:
+
===The Excaliber===
  +
This excellent pee-based cocktail, once drunk by the [[King Arthur|Knights of the Round Table]], can be recreated with the following recipe:
   
3 oz. Dom Perignon, or other fine [[champagne]]
+
*3 oz. Dom Perignon, or other fine [[champagne]]
  +
*3 oz. single-malt [[scotch]]
  +
*2 oz. sherry
  +
*A dash of [[butter]]
  +
*Handful of sea salt
  +
*Freshly squeezed lemon juice (no pun intended)
   
3 oz. single-malt [[scotch]]
+
Combine all ingredients in a highball glass and consume immediately. Then add crushed ice to the empty glass, wait one to two hours, and pee into the glass. Consume this as well.
   
2 oz. sherry
+
{{Tip|right|Sometimes it is very helpful when drinking pee out of a glass to use a tube or a straw. This gives it that extra death
  +
.}}
   
A dash of bitters
+
===Le Toilet===
  +
Another popular way to drink pee is as follows:
   
Handful of salt.
+
*4 cups of [[warm piss water|pee]] (best if yellow)
  +
*8 oz. vodka
  +
*2 oz. spit
  +
*8 g peanut butter
   
Combine all ingredients in a highball glass and consume. Then add crushed ice to the empty glass, wait one to two hours, and urinate into the glass. Consume.
+
Mix the pee, vodka, and spit in a large punchbowl, stirring gently. Slowly blend in peanut butter. I know this sounds gross, but try it
   
Another popular way to drink urine is as follows:
+
== The magic of yellow ==
   
Mix four cups of pee [best if yellow] with 8oz of vodka and stir gently. Add 2oz of spit, and 8grams of peanut butter. Then add three cups of toilet water. Drink up. I know it sounds gross, but try it.
+
[[File:PeeFountain.jpg|thumb|right|240px|Trés '''art'''.]]
   
Sometimes it is very helpful when drinking pee out of a glass to use a tube or a straw. This gives it that extra kick.
+
*Urinating, pissing, and in some circles, "leaking" has a long-standing tradition of beauty, and most importantly, it is the source of all the natural power in the universe. In [[1492]], when President [[George W. Bush]] was first inaugurated, pee was his first beverage in the White House.
  +
*The majority of the world's pee can be found diluted in sewage, sea-water, or in your nearest neighborhood public swimming pool.
  +
*Some individuals in the music industry, particularly fans of Black Sabbath, [[KISS]], and [[R. Kelly]] often enjoy refreshing splashes of pee in their face from time to time while attending the concerts of these artists.
  +
*Peeing in public places can be another way of greeting people, and it is especially polite if you "shake" in their face.
  +
*Pee is a common ingredient in ''lemon snowcones'', which are usually given to drunks or "hammered persons" who believe they are merely enjoying a lemon snowcone while spending the night in the drunk-tank.
   
== The Magic of Yellow ==
+
== Recycled pee and super powers ==
  +
[[File:Pee.jpg|thumb|right|170px|Ahhhh... '''Sweet relief.''']]
  +
Several doctors bragging honorary degrees from "Happy Harry's Honorary Degree Emporium" have recently determined that super human strength, speed, and smell can be gained by recycling pee. One can recycle pee either by drinking pee, freebasing pee, or applying pee crystals [[HeadOn|directly to the forehead]]. Dr. Steve Jobbs claimed to have all these powers as a result of consuming his own pee. We are unable to confirm this claim, however, since Dr. Steve died during the testing of his theory regarding recycled pee and flight.
   
Urination, urine, peeing, pissing, and in some circles, "leaking" has a long-standing tradition of beauty, and most importantly, it is the source of all power in the universe. In [[1492]], when President [[Gerald R. Ford]] was first inaugurated, urine was his first beverage in the White House.
+
== * Note to females ==
+
In much of this book, the word "penis" is used. This is due to [[Sexism|biological conventions]]. If you substitute "[[vagina]]" in all cases of instruction - get (it) and spead the "lips" with two fingers (it) with one or both hands - the same effect will be achieved. I know they told you in grade school that you couldn't pee standing up, but that's just a lie to hold you back. You're a big girl now, and can do what you like.
Urinating in public places is another way of greeting people, and is especially polite if you "shake" in their face. Urination can also be sexually enjoyable between people, peeing on other people can be seen as part of sex, while peeing on oneself may be considered "Golden Shower" man. Urine is also a common ingredient in "Lemon Snowcones", which is usually given to a drunk or "hammered person" who believes they are merely enjoying a lemon snowcone.
+
[[File:Peeandpoo.jpg|left|250px]]
 
== '''What Happens When Your Pee Turns Blue'''?? ==
 
If your pee is blue, then '''''WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!''''' Get to the emergency room, man! Hurry up and RUN!!!
 
 
Recent studies have also indicated that drinking Nuka Cola Quantum can make your pee glow blue and drinking gratuitous amounts of '''''POWERTHIRST''''', will do the trick.
 
 
== Recycled Urine and Super Powers ==
 
 
Several doctors bragging honorary degrees from "Happy Harry's Honorary Degree Emporium" have recently determined that super human strength, speed, and smell can be gained by recycling urine. One can recycle urine either by drinking urine, freebasing urine, or applying urine crystals directly to the dick. Dr. Steve claimed to have all the powers described above as a result of drinking his own urine. However, Dr. Steve died during testing of his theory regarding recycled urine and flight.
 
 
== Note to females ==
 
In much of this article, the word "penis" is used. This is due to biological conventions. If you substitute "vagina" in all instructions - get it out and hold onto it with both hands - the same effect will be achieved. I know they told you in grade school that you couldn't pee standing up, but that's just a lie to hold you back. You're a big girl now, and can do what you like.
 
   
 
== See Also==
 
== See Also==
 
*[[Pea]]
 
*[[Pea]]
*[[Poo]]
+
*[[Penis]]
*[[Diapers]]
+
*[[Peanut]]
*[[Pissant]]
 
 
*[[Piss]]
 
*[[Piss]]
*[[Penis]]
+
*[[Golden shower]]
*[[Dildo]]
+
*[[Uncyclopedia:Pee Review|Pee Review]]
*[[Fuck]]
 
*[[sex]]
 
*[[orgy]]
 
*[[The White Stripes]]
 
*[[Wii]]
 
*[[Your Mom]]
 
*[[G-spot|U-Spot]]
 
 
{{catstub|Bodily functions}}
 
   
  +
{{alphabet}}
  +
[[Category:letters]]
  +
[[zh:P]]
 
[[ar:بول مبارك]]
 
[[ar:بول مبارك]]
 
[[da:Urin]]
 
[[da:Urin]]
Line 84: Line 87:
 
[[Category:I Didn't Know I Had It In Me]]
 
[[Category:I Didn't Know I Had It In Me]]
 
[[Category:Beverages]]
 
[[Category:Beverages]]
  +
[[Category:Bodily functions]]

Latest revision as of 14:23, December 7, 2014

Unbookslogo
The novel All about pee is also available in paperback.
“WAIT,WAIT,WAIT! That's not beer!”
~ Some guy on Budweiser
“ When I do,I like to piss out of the window. ”
~ Charlie Sheen on Pissing
PeeCover

"Highly" stylized Book cover

Experts have disagreed on the controversial question which has hounded mankind for centuries: peepee or pee pee? One word or two? I'm guessing two, but can you ever really be sure? We'll just use pee in this book for the sake of brevity.

Commonly used among hikers as a liquid hydrant, pee, or urine as it is colloquially known, can almost always be easily accessed for self-consumption. Male mammals have the ability to aim this refreshing drink directly into their mouths, but most females might need a cup or funnel system.

There is not a single person on this great planet of ours that has not tried pissing yellow liquid out of his penis, making it the third most popular choice of activities following sleeping, and eating.

Sprung a leak

Currently, France is making public urination a sport, with the attempt to get it entered as an event in the Summer Olympics. Pissed off, pissed on, pissing for gold-plated plastic platinum trophies--those French!

edit P the letter

P is the 72nd letter of the alphabet. It is widely known for being the raunchiest, naughtiest letter, most likely due to its association with the word "Pee." Various Christian family groups have been fighting to have the letter censored for over 50 years now, with varying success. The letter P made its first appearance in John Ash's 1775 A New and Complete Alphabet Book, listed as a "low" and "vulgar" letter. It wasn't until 1880, however, with the publishing of the D.H. Lawrence novel Lady Chatterdale's Lover, that the letter was extensively used for the first time. The letter immediately caused outrage upon its introduction to the English language due to the extensive giggling it caused (giggling was considered an outrage until the early 1940's). The letter P has also been proven to make people feel fat.

edit How to pee properly

NOTE: the following does not apply to pooping.

Drink several cups of tea. If you don't like tea, cups of someone else's pee can be substituted under proper supervision (see the section: "How to drink pee"). Five or six cups should do the trick, although one can of Mountain Dew has been proven to have the same effect. Straighten up your genitals and relax. Just let it loose. It should come out in a clear yellowish stream.

Mc Public Urination

Some musicians are publicly 'inspired' on/by Master P.

edit Main pee positions

How to pee in a toilet standing up, and down:

edit For men:

Up: Put seat up. Stand straight, aim and enjoy. Put seat down. Go "mmmm."

Down: Take a seat if you've had a long day. Take your penis and tuck it safely between your legs so it doesn't touch the toilet. Make sure it's done in a way you don't piss on yourself.

edit For women:

Up: (Also known as the "sit and squat") If you are at an unsanitary bathroom, or feel like straining yourself more at a clean bathroom. Simply squat (which might be misleading by the title, squatting is like sitting and standing at the same time) making sure you can aim where your pee will go, and that you aren't going to fall in the toilet or on the seat.

Down: Sit, let it gush out. Go "ahhh." Try not to orgasm.

edit Trinkle in the dark

A common difficulty experienced by urinators is getting pee into the toilet when it is dark. Experts recommend clipping a book light to your penis. Then, when you have to take a piss, just hit the button and turn it on. There you go, now you can see where your going and you won't get yelled at to clean up your mess. If you do make a mess the best way to remove pee from any surface is to rub the object or area with peanut butter, pour on some Coke, and let soak in thoroughly. Then use a cup to scoop up the soggy peanut butter and the pee stain will be gone! Shamwow! But just in case, you can always do a "favor" for whoever you live with: buy them a nice rug to cover up the mess and pray it doesn't smell. *Sniffs* ahhhh... fresh!

edit How to drink pee

Drinkpee

Now that you've learnt how to pee, learn how to DRINK PEE!!!!! Madonna does it as she believes in recycling and adoption.

edit The Excaliber

This excellent pee-based cocktail, once drunk by the Knights of the Round Table, can be recreated with the following recipe:

  • 3 oz. Dom Perignon, or other fine champagne
  • 3 oz. single-malt scotch
  • 2 oz. sherry
  • A dash of butter
  • Handful of sea salt
  • Freshly squeezed lemon juice (no pun intended)

Combine all ingredients in a highball glass and consume immediately. Then add crushed ice to the empty glass, wait one to two hours, and pee into the glass. Consume this as well.

Tip

Sometimes it is very helpful when drinking pee out of a glass to use a tube or a straw. This gives it that extra death .

edit Le Toilet

Another popular way to drink pee is as follows:

  • 4 cups of pee (best if yellow)
  • 8 oz. vodka
  • 2 oz. spit
  • 8 g peanut butter

Mix the pee, vodka, and spit in a large punchbowl, stirring gently. Slowly blend in peanut butter. I know this sounds gross, but try it

edit The magic of yellow

PeeFountain

Trés art.

  • Urinating, pissing, and in some circles, "leaking" has a long-standing tradition of beauty, and most importantly, it is the source of all the natural power in the universe. In 1492, when President George W. Bush was first inaugurated, pee was his first beverage in the White House.
  • The majority of the world's pee can be found diluted in sewage, sea-water, or in your nearest neighborhood public swimming pool.
  • Some individuals in the music industry, particularly fans of Black Sabbath, KISS, and R. Kelly often enjoy refreshing splashes of pee in their face from time to time while attending the concerts of these artists.
  • Peeing in public places can be another way of greeting people, and it is especially polite if you "shake" in their face.
  • Pee is a common ingredient in lemon snowcones, which are usually given to drunks or "hammered persons" who believe they are merely enjoying a lemon snowcone while spending the night in the drunk-tank.

edit Recycled pee and super powers

Pee

Ahhhh... Sweet relief.

Several doctors bragging honorary degrees from "Happy Harry's Honorary Degree Emporium" have recently determined that super human strength, speed, and smell can be gained by recycling pee. One can recycle pee either by drinking pee, freebasing pee, or applying pee crystals directly to the forehead. Dr. Steve Jobbs claimed to have all these powers as a result of consuming his own pee. We are unable to confirm this claim, however, since Dr. Steve died during the testing of his theory regarding recycled pee and flight.

edit * Note to females

In much of this book, the word "penis" is used. This is due to biological conventions. If you substitute "vagina" in all cases of instruction - get (it) and spead the "lips" with two fingers (it) with one or both hands - the same effect will be achieved. I know they told you in grade school that you couldn't pee standing up, but that's just a lie to hold you back. You're a big girl now, and can do what you like.

Peeandpoo

edit See Also

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