UnBooks:Alien Reports
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Do you always see aliens in your backyard? Have you ever witnessed a UFO and no one has believed you? Ever been abducted by aliens then probed in weird and uncomfortable places? Have you ever been mocked and ridiculed by your peers because you're a stupid, fat, ugly dork with no friends? Well, you've come to the right place. Within are the reports of people who claim to have seen extraterrestrial beings. You can record your sightings here, without fear of doubt or persecution. Except by everyone else.
Contents |
edit UFO/Extraterrestrial Sightings
edit Case #001:The Robot Incident
Place: THE MOON BASE AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE
Time: 1:13 PM
Date: June 15 2000
Description: Alien Robots attacked the city. I took a photo from my hotel room balcony.
Reporter: Johnathan Doe-Smith
Image: A photo taken by Johnathan Doe-Smith of one of the robots.
Snopes Report: True
edit Case #002:The Bully Case
Place: At a school in Texas
Time: 11:00 AM
Date: June 6 2006
Description: All the bullies at the school were spotted taking off masks, revealing scaly creatures. Hostile scaly creatures. The teachers coined them "Reptoids".
Reporter:Jack Daniels
Image: A "Reptoid" bully, drawn by an anonymous schoolchild.
Snopes Report: Multiple
edit Case #003:The Neighbors Next Door
Place: Downey, CA
Time: 7:22 PM
Date: March 22 2008
Description: 28 year old Daniel Johnson had just come home from a long days work and decided to go to bed early. While laying in bed trying to go to sleep, He saw a mysterious green glow outside his window. He got up to see what was going on outside and to his bewilderment, he saw the next-door neighbors talking to aliens! Suddenly, unzipped their skin and were aliens themselves. They spotted Daniel Johnson spying on them, pulled out what looked like a gun, and shot a laser through the window. Daniel felt the laser and after 5 seconds, he blacked out. When he woke up, it was morning the next day. He thought that the whole thing was just a bizzare dream until he saw a foggy circle in his window and noticed that the house gave off a radiation that made his hairs stick up. The house to this day is still abandoned.Because Daniel is a fat retarded dork with very few friends, well he made up this story
Reporter: Daniel Johnson
Image: None
Snopes Report: True
edit Case #004:The Killer Pork Incident
Place: New York, New York, so good they named it twice!
Time: 2:00 PM
Date: December 21 2012
Description: Men made out of pork attacked New York! Hey, that rhymes! They stole all the meat they could find! They killed a kid, they grabbed a lid, and baked him in their saucer with rind!
Reporter: Dr. James Whom
Image: None
Snopes Report: Undetermined
edit Abductions
edit Case #004: The Tofu Abduction Incident
Place: At a castle
Time: 1:23
Date: 4 July 1997
Description of Aliens, Spacecraft, etc.: These aliens were witnessed by a group of fat globby teenagers. Who so happen Reporter: Some French Chick
Where did they probe you? My nose.
Snopes Report: False
edit Case #005: The Wiki Abduction
Place: In a park.
Time: 12:14
Date: 15 April 2007
Description of Aliens, Spacecraft, etc.: Spacecraft looked like the Wikipedia logo, aliens looked like Jimbo Wales.
Reporter: Anonymous
Where did they probe you? My brain.
Snopes Report: True
edit Crazy Crackpot Theories
What's your crazy, crackpot theory about UFOs?
edit Theory #001: Roswell Crash
In 1949, something was seen falling from the sky outside Roswell, New Mexico. What it was remains a mystery to this day. But it was not a weather balloon! It was an alien spacecraft!!! The government is trying to hide the truth... it's not safe here...
to find the truth and other facts of the corrupt government: go here
Submitter: Qu'est-ce Que Sonnomest
edit Theory #002: Government Created to Make Every Place US
The title says it all.
Submitter: That Guy
edit Theory #003: Aliens created the government
Ever seen George W Bush? He's an alien!
Submitter: Sir Uncyclopedia
edit Wild Interplanetary Sex
How was it?
edit Sex Encounter #007
Reported by: James Bond
Sex Experience: Completely, totally wicked!
Fear not, help IS out there. WE ARE NOT ALONE!!!
