UnBooks:A to Z

Okay, kiddies, it's bedtime! What's that? You want a story? How about this story? No? What's that? No, i'm not giving that magic apple juice to you again, or else the nice Judge won't be so nice like last time. How about this book? You like it? Okay, here we go...

edit A is for Andrew

A is also for antibiotics. Andrew would have died if this was 200 years ago.

Andrew's arm is in the alligator's abdomen and about to exit the anus! Arrogant, arrogant Andrew!

edit B is for Beer

Burt belts down boxes of bottles of beer to avoid braving his bedeviling bisexual feelings.

edit C is for Cut

Cynthia cut herself. Callously, nobody cared. Curiously cute corpse, though.

edit D is for Donut

Dan dunked a dozen delicious donuts into his drink. Dan thought the drink was Diet. Dr. Pepper. Doctors determined otherwise... D.O.A.

edit E is for Enlargement

Elise earned eagerly, and eventually earned enough for breast enlargement. Extremely edifying? No, but definitely uplifting.

edit F is for Fan

Fritz forced his fat fingers into a fast-moving fan. A fraction (four out of five) returned, freakishly fractured.

edit G is for Glee

Gerta gazed, mouth gaping, eyes glazed on a groovy episode of "Glee", unaware that Garth's gall bladder burst. Giant gallstones? Good gracious.

edit H is for House

No more hat stealing for Henry!

(in Haiku)

Hoarding Henry has
grabbed Horrible Hilda's hat.
Hilda burns his house down! Ha!

edit I is for Itch

Ichabod gave Isabel an itchy rash. Internally. Ick!

edit J is for Juice

Josh drank Dad's juice from the locked cabinet. Josh's legs? Jelly. Josh's torso? Jack-in-the-box. Josh's brain? Jigsaw Jesus.

edit K is for Kettle

Karen kicks her kitten, but is too lazy to turn off the kettle. The kettle went "KA-BOOM", and killed 6 people.

edit L is for Laxative

Leonard sits in the lavatory attempting to loosen his stomach. Likewise, like most people, he is lazy and uses a laxative.

edit M is for Mark

Michelle has a mark on her face. Mike drank too much again.

edit N is for Nasty

Remember, Natalia, this will be our little secret!

Natalia did something nasty with Mr. Newman, but he promises her a new bike if she dosen't tell.

edit O is for Owls

Oliver can't afford normal meat, so he eats owls.

edit P is for Pedophile

The pastor is in prison after the police discovered his passion. He will be punished.

edit Q is for Quack

The ducks used to say 'quack' in a quiet manner. Not since Quincy arrived.

edit R is for Retard

msot rtaaads cntu uus a kybrooad.

edit S is for Steak

Now that Sam is affiliated with the mafia, he can give Stella steak every Saturday.

edit T is for Track

Terrence used to to run on the track. The subway tracks. Ta ta!

edit U is for Uterus

8 babies have gone into Ursella's uterus. Only one has surived.

edit V is for Vaccuum

Vince likes to chase his dog Victor around with the vaccuum. Vroom! Vince is having trouble getting Victor out.

edit W is for Whino

Willie is a Whino. He likes to drink wine. He is a pilot.

edit X is for X-ray

Xavier can locate where the condom is stuck by using an X-ray.

edit Y is for Yell

Yvon yells at Yalene a lot. It's better than when he hits her.

edit Z is for ZZZ

Zephyr says "ZZZ" when he sleeps. The ZZZ will stop when his kids put a pillow over his face.

The novel A to Z is also available in paperback.