From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
edit Umbrella SamplingNom you might say. Quite. But dont all umbrellas taste the same? You would think so, being as they are quite a kosher meal. Fans of this theory would claim
[it] is a technique in computational physics and chemistry, used to improve sampling of a system (or different systems) where ergodicity is hindered by the form of the system's energy landscape. It was first suggested by Torrie and Valleau in 1977
It becomes quite clear to the layperson that this makes absolutely no sense. And how can something that does not make any sense even work? For instance, take the humble microwave. Everyone knows that you put the food in, you set the time and jesus flies down and cooks your delicous plastic-tasting food for you. If you have been bad jesus may neglect to cook a portion of the raw chicken and strike you down with righteous diarrhea, or cook your cheese topping to the temperature of molten lava and rain down apon the roof of your mouth furious christianic vengence.
It can sometimes be simplified as;
Failed to parse (lexing error): Je ≥ w √Gas / .38 +N4Zi
Although this often simplifies nothing. And leads to like 20 minutes wasted on character map in windows looking for badass math symbols.
edit Umbrella Sampling And HistoryUmbrella sampling has a long and intertwined history. Often claimed to be the secret power behind the brainpower of the Jew as a mistranslation of Yom Kippur, after the 25 hour power-fast Jews will then partake in Nom Kippur and so the Umbrella Sampling takes place. Jews find the tiny umbrellas a delicacy. They will go out on Yom Kippur under the guise of it being a "Holy Day" and hunt in packs and bring back umbrellas for the great feast of Nom Kippur. Jewish faith has drawn up a manifest of umbrellas, citing reasons for capturing umbrellas on the holy day;
- Umbrellas are dangerous predators. They are responsible for the death of over 146.5billion raindrops every year.
- Umbrellas wait, curled up like a pit viper in unsuspecting peoples homes, waiting to jump the fuck out and fuck some shit up for no reason at all.
- Umbrellas have human mind-control powers, the only thing they like more that fucking shit up is killing rain. They use humans to achieve this. Think about it, you never see umbrellas on a sunny day. BECAUSE THERE IS NO RAIN TO KILL.
- Jews do not hold the most impressive fight statistics. In fact so far they are 156/186,800,000/1; shown as Wins/Loses/No Contests. Killing umbrellas helps to add to the 156 wins jews have recorded in the history of time. 1 fight was called a no contest after big john mccarthy called an end to a bout through blood injury. The power-rangers felt this was unfair, arguably they should have just morphed into the fucking megazord as soon as shit kicked off and just stomped all over JewPuttyPatrol to begin with, rather than being pussies and waiting for shit to escalate.
edit Umbrellas and the HolocaustThe Jewish love of destroying umbrellas can be directly linked to the holocaust. A free thinking, peace loving Austrian, Adolph "Nice Tache" Hitler was a gentle man. However the "Jewish Obsession" with umbrellas could lead to "The Final Solution". As a young liberal, Adolph had a custom made umbrella, bearing his name and covered in flowers. However on a fateful Yom Kippur day, 1934 a rampaging group of Jews knocked his umbrella unconcious and dragged it into the back of a waiting van. Or whatever they had back then. The leader of the group, speaking English with a German accent was heard to remark "Oy, this kebschitchna is kefutnah!". Not knowing what this meant, Adolph vowed to kill 6 million Jews in the most awesome way possible.
By the middle of 1945 Adolph had avenged his beloved umbrella, and shot off in a black space rocket with badass firebolts down the side to live on the moon and eat cheesecake. The end.