Jesus

Pick your Jesii below, but hurry.

The Sacred Host of Major Jesii

Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Jesus.
Original Jesus: Hey, hey, hey, it's the Jee Man himself; the one who started it all!	Don't care if it rains or freezes? You need Plastic Jesus
Jebus: Original Jesus's Crackhead Twin Half-Brother	Jesus was a brutha: Black Jesus
Jesus H. Christ: The 56th president of the US	Jesus saves (leftovers): Jesusware
Evil Jesus: Drunken saviour, friend of whores and thieves.	Your own: Personal Jesus
Jesus Christ Sponge: Purge sin and clean your dishes!	¿Qué?: Jesús
Jesus Hasselhoff: He's everywhere!	Pictorial retrospective of the Life and Times of: Lorem Ipsum Jesus
Ultra Jesus: All Jesii wrapped into one	Back with a vengeance! Zombie Jesus
Canadian Jesus: The Second Coming!	Rawr! Raptor Jesus
Cheesus: Lord of all that is lactose.	Not To Be Confused With Super-Gay Jesus: Gay Jesus
Jesus was Christian, NOT Jewish: Enough said.	The moral superiority of being religious, without the calories: Jesus Lites™

The Sacred Host of Minor Jesii

Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want to know to know to know to know it is it is yes. babs, it's probably Original Jesus.
Disco Jesus: Knows how to love you	What would Jesus smoke? Sweet smoking Jesus
Jesus of Nazareth: Singer and Songwriter	Parallel Universe Jesus:Dark Jesus
Jesus Christ - Alcoholic: Just like daddy.	Member of the Carpenters: Jeez
Jesus Fucking Christ: Working class hero and modern day sage	Semi-Jesus anthropormorphic personification: Messiah
Super Jebus: Western Sydney pimp	Raise one family and you will be a believer: Pet Jesus
Jesus Marx: Illegal Commie Clone	He's blonde, cultish, and believes in racial purity. No, it's not a Nazi, it's: Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
Republican Jesus: Has a "W" sticker on his SUV	An alpha prototype Christ: Jesus 1.5a
Hide and Go Jesus: The hardest one to find	That one in that band...Nightmare Cinema or something: Jesus LaBrie
коммунистический автомобиль: In communist Russia, he is saved by YOU!	But what If Jesus had lived in America
MC Jesus: The Jewish Rap Sensation	Blue in hue and bereft of beard too: Bizarro Jesus

The So-So Company of Other Jesii

Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Jesus.
Monster Jesii
Jesusaurus Rex: The tyrant Jesus...lizard	Save yourself from Werejesus!
Raptor Jesus: Nazareth Park is frightening in the dark	And they said Jesus rode on a Mule...Nyah!:Llama Jesus
Attack of the 500 foot Jesus: Demolishing non-blessed skyscrapers -- New York, watch out!	This Jesus loves your brains...: Zombie Jesus
Munchie Jesii
Jam Jesus: With a name like 'Jam Jesus', it has to be good.	Savour the Saviour: Cheese Jesus
Jesus Juice: An Energy Drink...IT'S GOT ELECTROLYTES!	Finally, something on a stick the whole family can enjoy!: Sweet Jesus on a Stick!

Jesus Related Locations.
Jesusland	Red States
Jesus Ocean	Israel

The Abandoned Hallway of Unwanted Jesii

Pity them, and feed them table scraps. If you are still confused about which one you want... then you're fucking retarded, bitch!
Bad Jesii
All Jesii wrapped into no-one: Atheist Jesus	Sabbath Night Fever: The Bee-Jesus
Piss Christ: Ewww!	You crack my back, I'll crack yours: Chiropractor Jesus
Evil Jesus: Careful of this Jesus	"Promoting God's chain of Churches: "McJesus
Prehistoric Jesus: The find of the century.	Djesus: French Jesus
The real reason Christ was crucified: Jesus of Jerusalem	And for anyone we've missed out on: Society of Jesus

Original Jesus was said to be emo.
This is evident from his self harming, which can be seen on his hands and feet

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