Ukulele

An acoustic ukulele, bigger than electro ukulele (elecontele) in size. The man in the picture is the inventor of ukulele, Mory Kante.

“Bulekonti morten kutulu muntun neo, abortin montonpele.”

~ Tutumun Keme on ukulele

“Here on earth we speak English, you jerkentele!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Tutumun Keme

“There's no need to fight just because of cultural differencés ^_^”

~ Amelié Poulain on these two dumbasseles

Ukulele (pronounced oo-ka-lay-lee) is a 17-string instrument, mostly preferred by acid-base indicated fusion jazz musicians. However it is widely used in many genres. Hell, even you might have used it and never noticed. Thought you might like to know the Uukele is the tool of Satan, and he is very good at it.

The Originquele

One day, Mory Kante was walking along, next to a volcano. This was what he did every sunday. From a large Blue-tit flying high up above him was dropped a huge vat of Super-Amazing-Shrink-O-Mat liquid. At the exact same time on the Moon God sneezed and a guitar threw itself out of his nose at the velocity of a wasp on acid.

The guitar landed on the rather uncomfortable bruised bit of Mory's head like how a leaf that gently drifts down to Earth doesn't, and thus two strings twanged off of the guitar and landed in Jamaica.

Mory picked up the estranged guitar, peered at it intently for a moment, and then slowly turned his head to the vat of Super-Amazing-Shrink-O-Mat liquid that had become extremely hot due to its almost total submersion in the nearby volcano.

Mory thought for a minute or two about what to do, hoping that is brain would kindly furnish him with some sort of objective that would involve the guitar, the Super-Amazing-Shrink-O-Mat liquid and the volcano, which his brain utterly failed to do.

Luckily, God had noticed what was going on (since he is omnipotent, which means he saw you doing that bad thing you did last Tuesday) and gave Mory a vision:

"Put the guitar in the smoking cauldron and watch a culture grow."

Mory failed to understand this fairly simple vision which he had been bestowed, and so sat down and waited for God to try again.

"Mory," said God, on his second try, "put the guitar in the vat of boiling liquid."

Mory was completely and quintessentially blown away by Gods' amazing majesty and grace, and so immediately forgot what God had asked of him.

God, sitting in his wonderful throne in a golden city on the Moon, sighed and buried his hands in his face. He knew he'd made a mistake with all this Universe-stuff.

"Mory," he said, cutting out all the majesty and grace, "put the damn guitar in the vat!"

This was a command which Mory could understand perfectly well, heaved himself up from the floor and trudged over to the lip of the volcano with the guitar.

The vat of Super-Amazing-Shrink-O-Mat liquid sat bubbling innocently at him from inside the firey pit of doom. He inhaled the awful sulphuric smell that gushed out from the lava, and didn't like it a lot. Mory thought about how he was going to get the guitar into the vat, which was a good six feet into the lava lake. He simply decided to throw the thing in there and hope.

He flung the guitar into the flaming pit and hoped that his throwing skills were better than he thought they were.

As chance would have it, he threw it exactly right, and it plopped graciously into the vat and shrunk instantly. The heat generated by the volcano made it, through various processes of conduction, convection, kinetic energies and chemical enegies, fly right back out again and into Morys' sweaty hands.

The instrument had a very distunguished sound. It sounded like a baby's laughter mixed with the sound of chewing gum. Alternately, it has been described as resembling the sound of two angels farting. After Morys' first record, My Life with Ukulele, people heard and adored the sound. Next thing you know everybody in the world got a ukulele, and the Jamaicans got some new clothes lnes to hang t-shirts on.

Famous Brands

• Ukulele (first company that produced ukulele)

• Ookashakazuma

• Ibantele

• BMW

• Pampers

• Flabio

• METRO

• Ruben Lumanog

• Alegre

• Clay Aikens Rainbow Ukes

How To Learn Playing Ukulele

Playing ukulele comes from the heart, although some people have learned to play it using their spleen. Once you've played it once, you will always remember how, because it is actually addictive. Like every other instrument, there are lots and lots of document about ukulele on the Internet. Here's some:

• kukulemuku.com - A throbbing source for ukulele diggers.

• caperetamtum.biz - These jerks just copied from kukulemuku.com, but no harm remembering the name, or is it?

• willywonka.icio.us - This site includes a video while oompa loompa s play ukulele

Bands That Used Ukulele

Ukulele was used in many songs. Some examples are:

• Pink Floyd - "Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving and All That Stuff"

• Deep Purple - "Smoke on the Waterele"

• Britney Spears Band - "Shove it up my asselele"

• Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart - "Sonata in U minor"

• Tori Amos - "Smoke on the Waterele (cover)"

• Jason Mraz - "I'm Yourkulele"

Band Class

Accordian - Air Drum - Air Guitar - Bagpipes - Band geeks - Bass - Bass Guitar - Bassoon - Cello - Clarinet - Cowbell - Drums - Euphonium - Fiddle -Flute - French Horn - Grand Piano - Guitar - Harp - Harpsichord - Kazoo - Learn Bass! - Learn Guitar! - Lyre - Marching band - Oboe - Ocarina - Piano - Saxophone - Skin flute - Start a band - Dog Fart Trombone - Trumpet - Tuba - Ukulele - Violin - Xylophone