USS Enterprise

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“Captain, a Klingon Warbird, dead ahead.”
~ Oscar Wilde on USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)

Enterprise firing

While it looks like the Captain is attempting to take out sexual frustration on asteroids, on closer inspection the object being fired on is in fact a Klingon Bastard.


The USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) (a Starship-class starship) was the flagship of the United Federation of Planets during the 23rd century. It was launched in 2222, with the mission of seeking out new life and new civilization, but more importantly Killing any Klingons that dared crossed it's path. It was primarily commanded by the legendary Supreme Federation Generalissimo Baron James Tiberius, "KHAAAANNN!", Kirk, OBE, KBE... etc.

edit Original Mission

The "Enterprise" was originally commanded by Cpt. Christopher, "Unimportant", Pike over the course of several slightly pointless years. One possible explanation for the lack of drama in this era is the unavailability of redshirt officers (due to Starfleet's uniform policy at the time), leading to a lack of usefull cannon fodder. As such they were unable to go on any missions of any significance.

Cpt. Pike was forced to retire after a horrible accident leading to him being permanently crippled. The accident was long awaited and much celebrated all over the Federation.

edit The Golden Age

After this the Enterprise was given a new memorable and family friendly crew, featuring stereotypical accents and campy overactng. With the redshirt problem now solved, they set off to explore the Galaxy and other such stuff. Under the command of the tactical genius of His Holiness Cpt. Kirk they kicked blue, green and even purple ass for five years, and then a while longer. Most of the time not spent killing aliens and/or breaking the Prime Directive was used by the Captain to get it on with little green women do a unique study of Human-Alien mating patterns. During this period a succesfull reality television show about life on board a Starship named Star Trek was set up, but it was unfortunatly cancelled due to awfull ratings and a general lack of Fucks being given Evil Capitalist Pigs.

Enterprise

Original plans for the Enterprise were less than detailed

edit The Spock's Death Story Arc and Destruction of The Enterprise

In the year 2267 the Enterprise was attacked while on a peaceful diplomatic mission to destroy aliens by an Evil Asian Terrorist From The Past named KHAAAAAAAANNN! Noonien Singh. Despite being equipped with a much smaller and less powerful survey ship and a crew of unwashed inbreds, Khan was somehow able to almost destroy the Enterprise and kill all those aboard. However he was undone when both his eardrums and liver ruptured when he stood too close to Kirk doing a power "KHAAAAAAAANNN!" next to his face.

When the ship was attacked the crew played a practical joke on Spock in which he was made to believe that the only way to save the Enterprise was to lock himself in a chamber full of deadly Trilithic Omega Radiation. However to their dismay he proceded to do so and was immediatley killed. Feeling guilty they stole the Enterprise and proceded on a long and not at all uninteresting voyage to save him. When faced by Klingons, Captain Kirk suffered a case of Acute Testicular Failure, and decided to lure them onto his own ship, blow it up, while safely having transported down to the planet, instead of having to fight them. Once finally revived Spock died of a heart attack when told about the true nature of his death.


Starships named Enterprise
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)]] USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-A) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-B)
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-C) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-E)
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-F) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-G) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-H)
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-I) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-J) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-K)
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-L) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-M) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-N)
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-O) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-P) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-Q)
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-R) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-S) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-T)
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-U) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-V) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-W)
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-X) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-Y) USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-Z)
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-Alpha)
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