From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
USB Shticks are small, lightweight, removable and rewritable Marx Brothers sketches or mannerisms. They allow contemporary comedians and sit-com writers to manipulate and reuse old Marx Brothers' material with a view to:
- Meeting their commitments to UN Buffoonery Emissions Targets agreed in the Khitomer Accord and;
- Bulking out what would otherwise be a dire 25 minutes of absolute drivel.
Subject to controversy in the Yiddish community, they have even drawn criticism by their creator, Mel Brooks, who recently told told Time Magazine “Oy did I ever get a zetz f'that facacta shtick...” Brooks' statement caused further alarm to spread to the non-Hasidic community, as it did not on immediate analysis appear to be a joke about the entertainment industry or Nazis.
The immediate benefits of USB Shticks are obvious, allowing high definition tom-foolery to be easily accessible and malleable to all. However, social commentators and ignorant dinner party conversationalists have argued renewable comedy sources can never hope to fill the global hilarity deficit, as a result of large scale waste and soaring ill-humour levels released into the atmosphere by ABC's Hope and Faith and the tragic death of Ivor Cutler.
Attempts to develop an all inclusive technology for both multi-ethnic and non-secular comedy have so far met with both scientific and economic resistance. This dates back to a clerical error when Brooks, whilst attempting to file the patent, temporarily forgot his own surname, and in a drunken stupor allowed the design to be registered as the creation of creationist psychopath Mel Gibson.
Gibson hoardes the patent in his evil fortress hidden somewhere in the Vatican. As such he will not release it to the general public until such a time as the patent expires, or as he put it "you can pry it from my frigid lifeless fingers you parasitic Jew". Brooks seems unphased by this, as the patent should run out in about a month, by which time Gibson will have moved on to some other object to direct his fervorous religious rancor upon.
Incompatible Gag Format Error
It is believed that the device may be physically incapable of handling asemitic jokes, many core programing algorithms being taken directly from Torah (Hebrew, translation: The Bumber Book of Seinfeld). Scientologists, attempting to apply non-ethnospecific secular slap-stick to the shtick's comedy matrix, are met with garbled translations such as this one, taken from Eddie Izzard's Dressed To Kill:
"Inbergh Chicken Himler heeoyls tuchus weinsteinll! fouryearoldchild Yeahgaddabekiddinme!?. Oyes, I'Mo aMo professional, kosher transve?t$£"%^ khutspe, you got khutspeso I can run about in heels generic stooge failure Groucho falls over, runoutandgetmeafouryearoldchild ‘cause, you know, if women fall over CHICO FALLS OVER, HARPO LOOKS ON gummocoughs=repeated(HARPO%) wearing heels, thatBULLET would've gone straight through my heart's embarrassing; FIGUREHEMUSTKNOWWHERETHEFIREIS but if a bloke falls over wearing [code/rubberchicken loop inconsistency] heels, then you :applause: have to kill yourself! It’s the end of your life, it's quite difficult.PLEASE REBOOT ZEPPO