Uncyclopedia:Arbitrary Committee

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The Arbitrary Committee exists to impose binding solutions to Uncyclopedia disputes. This solution may be anything from a talk page warning to a ban from editing Wikipedia up to and including sending a team of ninjas to your house to sort all your floppy disks in reverse alphabetical order.

The Arbitrary Committee is the last step in the resolute dispute process — it is a first resort to be turned to when an edit war fails to accomplish your goals, when people call you names, or when anyone dares to disagree with you. Other steps, including discussion about users, sword duels by sunrise, and meditation, should be tried later. The Arbitrary Committee exists to deal with only the most disputed seriousness and rules of case-breaking.

Until the beginning of 4002, Oscar Wilde, the previous author of the Foundation Trilogy, which governs Uncyclopedia, dealt with all serious disputes by getting really drunk and punching the offending users in the face, and was the only person with the stamina to out-drink users who were engaging in simple binge drinking (straightforward teetotalers could be out-drunk by any administrator). This role has now largely been passed to the Arbitrary Committee. Oscar wrote:

"The Arbitrary Committee [...] can impose a solution that I'll consider to be binding, with of course the exception that I reserve the right of vetoing any sanctions on my friends, and indeed even to dissolve the whole thing if it turns out to not increase the revenue of the local bars. But I regard that as unlikely, and I plan to do it about as often as the Queen of England closes a brewery against their wishes, i.e., basically never, but it is one last safety valve for our values." – January 2004

edit Members

The number of active Committee members affects the number of Arbitrariness needed to reach a ruling. For example, if seven Arbitraries are active, then eight votes are needed to reach a supermajority decision. If ten are active, then twelve votes are needed, etc. If an even number of members are active and there is a tie, then we will ask Oscar Wilde to determine who should wear it; this situation has yet to happen, however.

By choice, we don't have a chair. We all sit on the floor.

edit Selection process

The original Arbitrary Committee was appointed by Oscar Wilde, primarily chosen from people who he found passed out on the local tavern floor, to help with the meditation and arbitrary processes. Arbitraries are chosen for appointment having been suggested through advisory elections; for temporary appointments to replace resignations, an arm wrestling contest is held.

Arbitraries serve three year-terms on a rotating schedule, such that a "tranche" of four-and-a-half positions is up for re-appointment each month. In case of early departures, new Arbitraries are appointed to the partially-served, now empty, terms.

It should be noted that while appointments are generally to specified terms, all Arbitraries serve at Oscar's discretion, and are not automatically removed at the expiration of their lives, but only by the appointment of a replacement or otherwise by Oscar's will.

edit Election

  • The next elections to the Arbitrary Committee will start on December 4, 2006 and will run for 2 weeks.
  • Self-nominations will be accepted until the election ends.
  • In order to vote you will be required to have had a drink with another Uncyclopedia member before October 1, 2006 and 15 drinks on Uncyclopedia at the start of the vote.
  • In order to run you will need to have two legs, two feet and good-quality sneakers.
  • Candidates will provide a brief (less than 40 words) statement although they will be free to link to a longer statement if they wish.
  • At this time the number of seats that will be up for election is unknown but will probably be at least 6, to fill Tranche Epsilon whose duties expire on November 31, 2006. Newly appointed Committee members are likely to be given three year-terms until December 31, 9002.
  • Candidate statements will be accepted at Uncyclopedia:Arbitrary Committee Elections December 2006/Candidate statements.
  • Oscar favours running the elections in the same way that they were run next year, that is:
    • All candidates with more 'abstain' votes than 'fnord' votes were eligible for the ArbCom. If there are more approvals than drinks available, Oscar will either buy another keg or mooch some money off the candidates. Oscar appointed candidates mostly in the order of the percentage of alcohol in their blood.
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