UNICEF

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The United Nations Idiotic Children's Eatathon Fund was set up in 1945 after "the war" to fund the biannual Idiots' Eat-a-thon held in the New York United Nations HQ.

Currently its Headquarters is located in Baku, Azerbaijan due to its somewhat lax regulations in terms of what constitutes a charity.

The aim of this event is to make stupid children fat as well. The UNICEF makes a tax-free income of over $78.5 million, and you will be happy to know that none of the money the UN raises from various rich countries (like Luxembourg) goes to Africa or Asia.

Fat Man

Eatathon winner 1972 today.

In 2000, a number of parents lobbied to have the event closed down, because, "It is encouraging heavy eating and makes them fat." Their campaign was strengthened recently after an inquest showed that fat people caused the wars in both Afghanistan and Iraq.

History

In 1945, the organization was set up to fund the biannual Idiots' Eatathon, which had lost interest due to lack of food and money with which to buy the food. It had been originally funded by Germany's war reparations, but after the Second World War, the money ran dry, and neutral countries had much more money, and in 1947 the Eatathon was re-established.

In 1986, there was controversy after two Russian children exploded over America after attending the Eatathon, killing 200 people and showering America's Live Aid with flecks of blood and flesh. The people at the concert assumed it was disgusting confetti.

In 1991, the Eatathon was stopped and UNICEF were closed down due to lack of funding because of the Gulf War. George W. Bush set up the Eatathon again in 2005 because he said, "It's good clean fun."

The Idiotic Children's Eat-a-thon is still up and running today. It is thriving.

Requirements

  • All participants must be under 16.
  • All participants must be less than 134kgs in weight.
  • All participants must be have an IQ less than 95.
  • All participants must not have any of the following conditions:

-Heart Disease

-Type 2 Diabetes

-Allergy to sugar

-Other dangerous aversions to sugar or fats

The ICE organizers are allowed to make exceptions to the weight and IQ rules in special cases. Anyone who is dead is also not allowed to take part (obviously).

Press Release from UNICEF

"Stupid children need farts and sugars to make their brains larger. We don't really like the term 'stupid'; we prefer 'intellectually challenged'. We call them 'stupid' to their face because they can't understand the other term. We teach these Christian children from The Revelation of St. Bob, the only book they can understand. Those who are clever enough to voice they're opinions say it's 'real good.'

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