Uncyclopedia:Flamewar Guidelines

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Blue check This page is considered an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia.

It has wide acceptance among editors and is considered a standard that everyone should follow, unless they don't want to, in which case they are free to ignore it, in which case nobody will care. Please make use of the standing on one knee position to propose to this policy.

Eclair-lumiere
Uncyclopedia Flamewarriors

A Unique perspective

Here at Uncyclopedia, unlike many other encyclopedias, we encourage and support Flamewars. However, a unique distinction is that we support Constructive Flamewars, rather than degenerative ones. While Uncyclopedia is chock full of truthiness, knowledge, and general immaturity, we also strive to keep a social standard.

In general, when you partake in a flamewar, please make it Constructive. We suggest the use of Pascal, Java, C+++, or assembly class constructors, for example:

public class flameWar {
	public flameWar () {
		private static final String flame = new String("Why is this gratuitous code here?");
		private boolean isNecessary = false;
	}
	
	public void flame(User doofus, User bonehead) {
		while (!flameWar.isOver()) {
			System.out.println(bonehead.flame(doofus));
		}
		
		flameWar next = new flameWar();
		next.flame(User.getRandom(), User.getRandom());
	}
}


What constitutes a Constructive Flamewar?

Uncyclopedia dispute resolution flowchart
If all else fails, follow this backup plan.

A constructive flamewar is where you build up pages of irrelevant information and add topics to distort the truth to your side, rather than edit pages supporting the other argument. When doing so, please do not use bots, or copy and paste the same page over and over again. This is abusive. What you can do, however, is create many bizarre articles that relate to your point. This is a constructive flamewar, which contributes rather than degrades from Uncyclopedia. You are encouraged to write about completely unrelated topics to push your agenda, or your drugs, or your mom, but please do not revert/edit out topics that oppose you, because that would mean you have no honor honour (pretend that phrase was spoken by Worf for the full effect).

Conducting the Flamewar

As a guideline, Create rather than Destroy! We like propaganda, but please at least make an effort, as well. Many stub articles are fun for a while, but do try to fill them in with warped details rather than spew one liners here and there. Longer articles tend to be more fun to read, and ultimately allow you to win a flamewar. For example, "Timmy is stupid!" is not as good as "Egyptologists recently discovered the mummy of Queen Hatshepsut of Egypt. Strange markings were written on the inside of the sarcophagus, and were translated to 'Timmy is stupid.'" If you are a good enough flame warrior, you may even pick up combatants that join your cause. Inside jokes are addictive. Outside jokes should be brought in before they catch cold, unless they are vicious attack jokes, in which case they should be sent to joke obedience school. Remember, if you don't compare the other person to Hitler, it is not a real flame. Stalin has too many nice points, Lenin was ultimately defeated by Stalin, and Mussolini was a wonderful soprano. Hitler imposed a ban on smoking in public places, which will preserve his name in infamy forever.

Opening ceremonies and the Initiation of Fire

Honoka-nagisa
Gratuitously more flamewarriors.

Each flamer must first curtsey in their schoolgirl uniform before bowing down for the entirety of the prayer to the God of Flaming. A gong must be hit three times (four if the initiator lives in Canada or Witchita, and five if the initiator believes King Arthur had a really cool cape) prior to the Initiation of Fire. Both flamers must then don suits made of gasoline and plastic wrap and bathe their computers in the glorious flame, which will probably hurt (the computer, not the flamer). If the computer is able to bear the heat for five minutes, then and only then can they participate in this activity. This is a prestigious ceremony and only the most diligent of flamers may participate. Also, people with pie are edible. Bonus points may be awarded to the flamer with the best real-life anime hair, since modern hair technology is capable of such feats.

Or, you could sign up. Or post anonymously. Or posthumously. Whatever's easier. Try to refrain from writing on the screen. Tippex for corrections is a definite no, as is grapefruit juice.

Conclusion

By following these guidelines, our flamewars can be fun, constructive, and ultimately allow your petty arguments to leave a deliciously permanent scar on Uncyclopedia. Within these guidelines, flaming and trolling is totally encouraged. Just keep it constructive. Thanks, and this way, we can create a more stupid and horrific Uncyclopedia. If you read enough of this website, your brain will atrophy, thus providing the perfect defense against the zombie hordes. Of course, you may use your stun gun and your plasma gun and your super hi-fi not-yet-invented gun but we prefer you to be dead.

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