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- "Laturally Searching Uncyclopedia is, in many ways, like making love to a beautiful woman. Firstly, one must choose carefully the words one uses. Too few and ill-thought-out, and one can be faced with a myriad of unpleasant reactions. Too many and she may become bored.
- One must fight the natural instinct to blurt out the first thought that crosses one's mind, and head straight for the "Go" button. Whilst instant gratification may result, the search function is left unfulfilled and may come to resent encounters with you.
- Instead, relax... vizualize the subject you wish to probe, take slow deep breaths in through the nose and exhale gently between trembling lips... let your words dangle sensuously over the input box. Light stimulation of the button will ready the Uncyclopedia for your request. Allow your pointer to hover tantalisingly close to the "Go" button (or, if so inclined, the "Search" button; who am I to judge?).
- Only when the act of the search is performed with a love and respect for the Uncyclopedia will a truly, mutually satisfying exchange result.
- Be always mindful of these words:
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- Thusly shall you find your page."