UK Government

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Politics of the United Kingdom
UK Government
The Cabinet
Constitution of the UK
The Crown
The Monarchy of the UK
UK Parliament
- House of Lords
- House of Commons
10 Downing Street
Prime Minister of the UK
Ministers of the UK Government
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Her Majesty's Government also refered to as Those People Who Try To Tell Me How To Run My Bloody Country by the Monarchy is the central government for the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

The leader of the Government is known as the Prime Minister who accepts responsibility when everything is going well and blames his minions when everything is going badly. The Prime minister and senior minions form up a supreme decision making committee, who sit around the Round Table admiring the Prime minister's cabinet. They spend most of their time drinking tea, chatting about how idiotic the Mayor of London is, guessing how much they each earn and working out who has the closest connection to Royalty. The Government is dependent on parliament to pass decisions, much to the delight of back-benchers. The UK Parliament is re-elected every 5 years to keep some form of democracy apparent to the general public.

According to the British constitution the Monarch has executive authority over the country although this exercise is only used on the advice of the Cabinet and the Prime minister. The Prime minister chooses the cabinet and the monarch accepts the Prime minister if they like the Prime minister so in reality the Monarch can do whatever they like on the advice of the Prime minister who they choose. Also half the parliament, the House of Lords is chosen by the Monarch to represent the country and they have the final say on polcies. For these reasons Britain is one of the most democratic nations in the world.

Government in Parliament

A key part of the British constitution is that the government is responsible to parliament. Seeing that parliament consists of a lot of jumped-up, posh twits who don't know their left from their right this form of government is called Irresponsible Government.

The House of Lords has some restrictions put in place ever since Lord Loopy tried to pass a bill to devlove the House of Commoners or "Plebs" as he called them. So now both the positions of Prime minister and the Chancellor of the Chequers can only be held by MPs from the House of Commons. The last Lord to hold the position of Prime minister was Screaming Lord Sutch himself. Lord Sutch campaigned that restricting the positions that Lords can hold in politics is taking away the rights of the Upper Class so an exception was made for him.

PrisonGov

UK Parliament Crest. Symbolises the prison that they will lock you up in if you disagree with them.

The Cabinet makes the decisions however the parliament votes to pass them, it is necessary therefore for the cabinet's party (or parties in a coalition) to have majority support in the House of Commons by making ridiculous statements that everyone wants to get elected in and then not acting on them and also to bribe the Lords in the House of Lords. The difference between the Government of the UK and most other democratic governments is that the government is not allowed to continue if in minority. A general election must then be held to decide the new government this is because the British absolutely love voting to show off to other countries how democratic they are despite the fact none of their politicians care about them and so any excuse for an election is taken.

The Prime minister is held to account in Prime ministers question time, which was introduced in the late 20th Century after the Prime minister would usually take all the country's money and disappear for five years so no one could question his policies. Prime ministers question time allows the back benchers in the Prime minister's own party to join in with the opposition party in condemming the Prime minister's actions. In most countries the fact that ministers in the government's own party would speak out against the government in front of the opposition would be seen as treachery however in the UK the Prime minister just learns to deal with it.

Government and the Crown

PalaceofWestminster

The well-known, World famous sight of the Palace of Westminster.

The British Monarchy is head of State of the United Kingdom and their many other small colonial territories as well. The Monarch involves themself as much as they can in parliament to remind the population who still rules the country. Hence on each year on the day of the opening of parliament she storms into the House of Commons which can only legally be occupied by commoners and demands that the Prime minister passes a ridiculous bill.

The powers of the Monarchy in Government decisions include:

  • Choosing which type of tea should be used in the cabinet (although a new law passed in July of next year shall make this the Deputy Prime minister's job).
  • Paying the House of Lords to be biased in their policy decisions.
  • Making sure one of their third cousins becomes Prime minister.

Location

The Government owns many buildings all over the centre of London. One of the reasons that the government's public spending is always so low is that it has to spend 23% of its public spending on renting buildings in the centre of London (one of the most expensive areas of the World). All Government minitries can be found on roads with no pleb access to them and huge fees for travelling on them by car.

After Parliament overthrew the Monarch in the English Civil War the Monarch was forced to give some of their palaces to Parliament and some to the libertarian, republican organisation, The National Trust. Palaces that went to Parliament included Westminster Palace, which became the home of Parliament. The House of Commons occupies the South part of the building nearest the river Thames and the House of Lords occupies the North part of the building furthest from the river Thames. This is so that the smell of all the fresh sewage dumped into the river Thames only affects the commoners and not the Lords.

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