U2
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“Yup! That's my Boner!”
~ Boner's dad on Boner's singing voice
“These guys are from Ireland and who gives a shit?!”
~ Casey Kasem on U2
“U2 CAN SUCK MY COCK!”
~ Oscar Wilde on U2
Ewe Two is the 3D sequel to U and was formerly known as U-Boat, Feedback, U-Lalalalaaa, Goo-ratch-a-loogie, Hype, U3, U4, Eew2, U2, Et2 Brute?, and The Letter U and the Numeral Two. At one stage, rumours abounded that they may also have been founding members of Baccara, the people responsible for the classic opera, "Yes Sir, I Can Boogie". The makers of the U series have now confirmed there will be no U5, but they will start filming U6 when they can be bothered.
Since the early 80s, U2 have been the primary export of Ireland, after Guinness, sexy women, incohernet speech and the martial art of Bar-fighting.
Came with Black Metal style. They are one of the most successful, misunderstood, and popular music acts spanning the 19th Century through to the 22nd, and possibly beyond with the help of The Rolling Stones' expert.
U2 are travelling the universe in search of inter-galactic peace, whilst endeavouring to ensure capitalism (disguised as humanitarian concern) extends to all life-forms.
Their voyage across space aims to restore intergalactic peace by encouraging more powerful aliens to coax Earth into writing off the debts of corporates on the verge of bankruptcy according to their official sponsors, McDonald's and Exxon.
(Trivia: Bono wears the Coca Cola™ logo on the glass shield of his spacesuit. Bono's most meaningful lyrics are most often inspired by or stolen from incoherent drunks and Drama students ). It is also believed by all religions except Scientology that Bono is God's punishment to mankind for Adam and Eve's insubordination at the beginning of time.
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[edit] Awkward Tie-in Products
Reality check: Bono a bigger dick than Mount Everest!
Following the band's success and their fallout following The Irish Troubles, in an attempt to regain some modicum of popularity, Bono built a wooden plane out of balsa wood, which was made out of wood - specifically, wooden wood - and named it after the band. The U2 Spy Plane was a technical wonder - it was capable of flying with or without a pilot, taking off from streets that have no names, and making a sort of homecoming on its own if it still hadn't found what it was looking for. People described it as being as fast as a bullet in the blue sky. It was also proven that wires would not trip it up. Production began one October morning in Red Hill Mining Town, which was notable because its hill was, in fact, not red, and sparsely vegetated. Production, however, ran to a stand-still after many pilots ended up missing in God's country. The mothers of the disappeared complained, and the band decided to Exit from the aeronautics business. Living on one Tree hill, on 4th July morning the band decided they would surrender to a man and a woman. They left on a beautiful day to a room at the heartbreak hotel. "Another time, another place" Larry said. Bono had a desire to hit him and did causeing to elevate into the air before he fell down. Bono met Gloria and decided to marry her at Heaven and Hell. Edge went to Miami where the streets have no name to live with Mofo and Ito Okashi. Larry is just Larry.
Larry is quoted as having said, "F**k that s**t". Adam misheard this, and then asked "Do you feel loved?" then squirted him in the eyes with a lemon.
[edit] How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
U2 released a very rare album advising customers how to dismantle an atomic bomb in the event that North Korea or Iran decided to drop one.
George W. Bush commented. "Uh, uh, Americans is willinger than most to buy a great CD about dismayntling waypons of mayss destructionization. Once these nucilear bombs are dismayntleated we will be at the table eating foreign foods with our ass."
In Mid-2009 the album name was changed when a 3 Year Old Male was killed trying to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb following instructions from the album insert. The Album name was changed to 'Why You Shouldn't Dismantle An Atomic Bomb", featuring a picture of the boys corpse on the album cover.
[edit] Members
[edit] Bono
See also Bono
Bono holds records for biggest ego and biggest sunglasses on a man... Oh, and he sings kinda. Chris Martin wants to be him, but Gwyneth said he would have to pull off the glasses. He also is the former record holder for the title of world's largest piece of human feces. The reason Bono can never take his sunglasses off, is because he is a Vampire, although he only drinks blood to stop climate change. Bono also used to work for MASA (Mexican Aeronautics and Space Administration) but was fired due to his inability to count in Spanish.
[edit] FACT
[edit] Bono
Bono, pronuonced 'El Cunto' got his name from a long forgotten rite of passage....whereby the youngest boy from the tribe would have to come up with an elaborate lie, to convince the shamen not to pummel his scrotum with the 'Bono stick'.
He famously demonstrated his extraordinary ability to cause remote loss of life at a concert in Glasgow in 2006; At the start of the show he beckoned the 52,000 capacity crowd to be quiet before slowly clapping his hands and announcing, in his typically pretentious manner: "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.." This macabre display was only halted when a concerned, quick witted Glaswegian on the front row demanded in characteristically colourful language "Well for gods sake stop clapping then!". Nobody knows how often Bono had performed this rite in the past, but UN estimates suggest it could have been over 2 million times since 2001.
[edit] The Hedge
Real name "Harry Hill", The Hedge is David Gilmour's son, and as the father is known for creating unusual sounds with the guitar, such is the case of Hedge's wolf-like howl. The Hedge's talents are making people think that he's good at guitar and speaking Spanish.
For 364 days a year he wears a custom made beanie hat that filters out 99.9% of sunlight. This is to reduce the growth of his famous fast-growing hair, likened to that of a thicket hedge, (hence his nickname). The hat is only removed once a year, to allow TV gardner Charlie "pumpkin-tits" Dimmock to apply an annual treatment of aphid control spray.
He also starred in the movie known as "Over the Hedge"
[edit] Saddam Clayton
Real name "Alan". This guy is. One can see him right there on stage, but God alone knows what he's there for.
[edit] The Drummer
The Drummer sits way back in the back and you can't see him. Even though he could be replaced by a machine the others seem to like drinking with him well enough to let him tag along.
[edit] Tim Rosenberg
Tim Rosenberg was the original Bagpipes player - or to be politically correct, Irish Uilleann Pipes player - for U2. Until they realized that they were a Rock Band composed entirely of Irish people that thought that they were too good for the Bagpipes. Wow, what a bunch of weenies!
[edit] Controversies
U2 is responsible for multiple relationship problems, due the the bands name.
"I love U2!"
"Well Bill, I'm sorry but I don't love you"
This epidemic was most common in the 40's when the Nazis discovered the wonderful musical talent of U2. However, with the nazis occupied listening to "In the Name of Love," the allied forces overtook the regime, thus ending WWII. The Germans, however, burned every evidence of U2, along with every Shamwow! to cover up their bad taste in overall products.
The band was also sued by Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, as the number of One-night stand's were at an all time low.
[edit] Discography
- Boytoucha (1892) (Released under the artist name The Danny Boiz)
- Boy (1893)
- Girl (1894)
- Beautiful Crap (1895)
- Gender In Question (1897)
- October I [featured Lenin and Trotsky on guitar and vocals] (1917)
- October II(1948)
- November (1949)
- October Boy, November Girl (1950)
- Skibbity Doo-wop Zeebleeblededee Wawawoowaaaaaa! [U2's short-lived Skat Jazz format] (1953)
- War [working title: War, What is it Good For?] (1960)
- Peace (1961)
- Undecided (1962)
- Hate (1962)
- Love [with Arthur Lee] (1963)
- BI-Polar [with a shoe named Dan] (1964 1/2)
- The Undeniable Firemen (1966)
- Just Joshin' You, Lee (1972)
- Rattle And Soother (1974)
- Stew, Beef Stew (1976)
- Rattle And Pop (1977)
- Aushwitz, Baby! (1980)
- Yummy Boyz (1987)
- Pop Tart (1988)
- Pop My Cherry (1988)
- Boy, Girl, Or Whatever Happened To The Pink PopTarts From Mars (1988)
- Flop (1990)
- Zooropey (1999)
- I Still Haven't Found That I've Sold Out (2000)
- Orang utan Sandwich (2000)
- Zsombor Eats Beats (2001)
- All That You Can Get Rid Off (2001)
- You Can't Build An Atomic Bomb Unless You've Watched Blue Peter/Trip Through Your Tyres/Running To The Windmill [triple album] (2002)
- How To Dismantle A Joshua Tree WMD (2005)
- Want To Dismantle An Ipod? (2005.362)
- How To Dismantle The Ridiculous Length Of An Album Title (2005)
- How To Dismantle An Already Dismantled Atomic Bomb (2005)
- Grammys Sell (And We're Buying) (2006)
- I Still Can't Accept What A Freak I Am (2007)
- How To Blow Up A Dismantled Atomic Bomb (2041)
- How To Blow (2042)
- Guitar+Drums+Singing+Bass = Our New Album (2052)
- Sometimes When Love Comes To Town I Still Haven't Found What You Can't Make Poverty History On Your Own With Or Without Steve Ballmer (2091)
- Caution Old Man! (2096)
- Kite With Holes (2101)
- Please, Just Finish Us Off! (2109)
- Can't Believe We Are Not Dead (2190)
- We've Run Out Of Album Titles (Armageddon)
- The Snails Are Coming (3000)
- My Black Pocket Joshua (11^30)
- How to Kill A Nigger
- Bing-Bat-Po Wickedy Dismantia (1)
- How to dismantle an atomic bomb and put the peaces back together without creating an enormous explosion that would be the 3rd atomic attack on Japan.
- Fuck the Revolution: The Best of Bono's Speeches (2002)
- If You Bought More of Our Albums, We Wouldn't Need to Whore Ourselves Out To Apple to Afford Our Massive Plane Now Would We? (2006,3)
- Bill Cosby (342 B.C.)
- How to Dismantle Bono's Ego
- How To Leave Behind A Prostitute You Can't Dismantle (2097)
- Achtung englander (1941)
- Strait 2 your ass (19999)
- No Line On The Horizon (278 BC)
- One Line On The Horizon (277 BC)
- Forever Bono's Ego (2019)
- Lots Of Lines On The Horizon (276 BC)
- Bono feat. U2: Still alive (2020)
- Last Night's Dinner with the Prince (9999 PM)
- We'll Retire Soon (8097)
- Not-We'll Retire Soon Vol. 2 (8098)
[edit] Trivia
- In "Stuck in the Momentum and you can't get out of it" music video Bono have been thrown off the van for not wearing sun-glasses
- A group of scientists recently performed a study in which they experimented to see if listening to u2 can help prevent cancer. They found that a group of rats who listened to u2 were 40000000 times less likely to develop cancer than a group of rats who had been fed rat poison, and 600000000000 times less likely to die from cancer than a group of rats who had cancer.
- Contrary to his stupid fans "popular" beliefs, Bono is not Jesus. But he is God.
- Bono doesn't care how poor you are personally, but "if you dont feckin' feed der Africion kids, yer a coont!" He said this while purchasing 100 pairs of pink tinted sunglasses and eating an African girl raw.
- Coca-Cola tried to Hypnotize regular people into rabbid U2 fans with its own Coca Cola C2 cola. It had a flavorful mixture of high fructose corn syrup and an addiction to U2. This turned many straight people gay almost overnight. Steve Jobs also was in on this with its iPod ads that would make you want its awesome U2 edition iPod.
- The style that has influenced the band the most is Swedish Black Metal
- The song 'Stuck in a moment you can't get out of' is almost certainly influenced by Portal. In the words of Bono, "Red portal, blue portal...fucking GLaDOS."
[edit] Quotes
- Adam: Look, guys. I got a Springfield spoon for my spoon collection.
- The Hedge: Aw, 'ere we go...
- Bono: How many spoons have you got now, Adam?
- Adam: Nine. If I didn't have my spoons, I'd go insane.
- Bono: Can I see it?
[Adam hands him the spoon; Bono promptly throws it behind his head.]
- Adam: My spoon!
[the spoon lands on the head of Charles Montgomery Burns, who sits in the seat directly behind The Hedge.]
- Mr. Burns: [muttering] Wankers.
