Two-face

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Two-Face

Two-Face in Los Angeles.

“Heads I win, tails you lose.”

Two-Face is the infamous Batman villain who actually used to be Gotham City District Attorney Harvey Kent. He is son of Jonathan and Martha Kent and adoptive brother of Clark Kent (Superman). His parents stopped paying attention to him after finding Clark in the Kryptonian rocket ship, who became their number 1 son. Harvey moved down the list to #2, a theme that would later surface in his 'second life,' so to speak. He never let on his anger for the Kents making Clark their favourite, rather he kept the rage and rejection buried deep inside.

During his college years he was top of his class, but his parents never noticed, as by than Clark had begun to develop his powers. This further cast Harvey in the shadows, so in a final effort to impress his parents he went to Gotham Law School, and rose to the ranks of District Attorney. His parents mumbled something about Gotham having poor urban planning with too few street lights and way too many shadowy alleyways, and he gave up trying to impress them.

As District Attorney he was under a lot of pressure to convict the da Vinci crime family, particularly Mona Lisa "Longhair" da Vinci, the matriarch of the family. This proved to be very difficult a task because the defense claimed the crimes committed were fakes, and not really works of the da Vinci family. This angered Harvey to the extreme, and the stress caused him to break out in hives.

Twoface cat

Two face in that issue where cats are humans and humans are cats. Probably has to do with some goddamn infinite Earth's bullshit.

It got very bad when on March 16, 1987, during his opening statement, Harvey stammered in court "Harvey Kent representing the people of the state of uh uh uh.." He could not come up with the name of the state Gotham was in for five minutes and was laughed out of court. The charges against the da Vinci's were dropped. To add injury to insult, Leo "The Brush" da Vinci (creator of The Da Vinci Code) poured a bucket of acidic blue paint all over Harvey's face on the way out of the courthouse.

After spending all night trying to scrub the paint off to no avail, Harvey snapped, and became Two-Face. He took over the Picasso gang and completely destroyed the da Vincis in order to 'make way for a new kind of crime wave,' he reportedly told a newspaper boy, as he paid him with a giant nickle.

Since that time he has been constantly battling Batman for title of 'most mentally ill comic book character.' He does everything in twos, in keeping with his name. This includes little things like having tuna fish for lunch and brushing his teeth twice a day. He is bi-sexual, and commutes to crime via bicycle; though he only works half time. His favorite musician is Tupac, and The Penguin got him a Toucan for their two year anniversary. Superman cannot battle him because as his brother, Two-Face knows all the spots where he is ticklish.

Personal tools
projects