Turkey

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 12:29, March 19, 2013 by SPIKE (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Stop hand nuvola alternate WARNING!
This article violates Article 301 of the Turkish Penal Code for "insulting Turkishness" and Republic of Turkey.
Al-republika al-Türkiyyah
United States of Türkiye
Turkeyflag TurkishTroll
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Let's conquer something!"
Anthem: Eski Ordu Marşı
Ottoman1683
Capital Mersin
Government Democratic dictatorship
National Hero(es) Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, Polat Alemdar, Gheorge Hagi, Barack Obama,Barack Osama Sabri Sarıoğlu, Sacha Baron Cohen, Atilla Taş
Currency Turkish delight, kebab, drugs
Religion Kemalism

Republic of Turkey (Turkish: Al-Jumhuriyyah al-Türkiyyah), offically United States of Türkiye, is America's youngest brother in Middle East and Southeastern Europe, therefore a sibling of Israel. As a country made up by bunch of Anatolian sandniggers, Turkey is known by importing shitloads of fascist immigrants decent citizens selling kebab and shit who are willing to contribute to the society. Turkey also is the most secular country on earth, as first introduced by Young Turks against the Ottoman sultan. Turkey also is a troll country that stole everything from their neighbours, but stating such facts lies will get you jailed criticized in Turkey. Most of the Turks say they're proud of their Central Asian roots, but infact most of them are just a bunch of Greeks and Armenians in denial. In Turkey, the national hero is Atatürk, who is hated by radical Muslims and shit, he is the usually regarded as deity and worshipped as such in every national holiday.

History

Historically, Turkey used to be a cool land before the Turks arrived, because Greeks were always pwning Trojans, Anatolians and everything else and eventually Hellenizing them, like a boss. However their party didn't last long as Oghuz Turks arrived to Anatolia and pwned Byzantine Greeks. From this day Turks became the boss of Anatolia and damaged the name of glorious Greek nation. This is how the years-standing Greek-Turkish drama you hear in internet, forums, media and other bullshit started. As Turks became the sole boss of the land, they decided to convert to Islam and became sandniggers. Due to this, the Christendom got butthurt and decided the to pillage the land punish the Turkish warlord for the decision of becoming sandniggers. After years of war the Turkish warlords understood their mistake when Kaykaus told to his right-hand officer, "Dude wtf we're Turks not sandniggers, let's punish those sandniggers in Middle East instead". The decision of Kaykaus got appreciated by Christendom and the Seljuk Turks allied with Crusaders against Muslims in Fifth Crusade. However, this didn't go well because Muslim sandnigger general Saladin pwned them all. This failure got local lords inside Seljuk Empire mad so they all wanted to create their own sandnigger state. When Mongols attacked and pwned Anatolia, all the Anatolian sandnigger states earned their freedom. However, this time they began butchering each other. Among these, the Ottoman dynasty managed to rape them all and conquer them, and eventually the Byzantine homosexuals, they gave rise to their glorious empire which is later known as Ottoman Empire. The Ottoman dynasty, unlike other Turkish dynasties, were hardcore jihadists. They kept jihadding tirelessly to Europe, Middle East, Arabia (which is ironic because it's Arabs who invented jihad) and Iran. They jihadded, jihadded and jihadded... and reached the maximum size of territory. But unlike other jihadist empires, they respected their minorities... till that day. Like any empire, due to rise of nationalism every nation they conquered kicked them in the butt. Even Turks. Turks got mad at the padishah because he was just sitting on his arse watching how foreign bastards fucking up Anatolia. Contrary to this, padishah got really mad at this and decided to help Allied powers divide Anatolia like a cake. This where things get exciting. As a response, a mythical human being called Atatürk has been fallen from skies to protect the Turkish nation. As a glorious Turkish nationalist, he took the lead of Turkish rebels and began pwning Brits, Frenchmen, Armenians, Greeks and other retards. After defeating Greeks, it's claimed that Atatürk cried that he has avenged Hector and Trojans, which proves the fact that Turks are actually Trojans. As a result got Greeks butthurt and wanted to respond that major defeat. Seeing their Armenian brothers crying "We have been genocided, not defeated!", Greeks also adopted that idea and claimed Turks did not really kill Greek soldiers but innoncent peaceful harmless people instead. Anyway, while Greeks and Armenians were busy with this drama, Atatürk, like a master troll, did not give a fuck about any of these and performed major reforms upon Turkish nation by modernizing and secularizing the whole country. Because he, like Young Turks and Kaykaus, knew that Turkish nation cannot stay as sandnigger anymore because it's too mainstream, fail and backwards.

Origins

The original Oghuz Turks were a bunch of nomadic orcs that allied with trolls and loved invading the shit out of everywhere else. They destroyed and burned human strongholds, while also slaughtering, capturing and assimiliating humans, and eventually making humans believe they're actually orcs themselves. However today, not even Turks know whether they're European, Middle Eastern or Central Asian. It is assumed by anthropologists that Turks who look like humans are Europeans, those who look like orcs are Central Asians and those who look like trolls are Middle Easterners.

Population

Today there are 983,764,984,000,000 Turks living on earth. 10% of them live in Anatolia, 80% live in the Netherlands and other parts of world, and the rest lives in seas and oceans of the world but got assimiliated into whale society. Oh, and 1% of them lives in Turkey.

Middle East Countries
Bahrain | Cyprus | Egypt | Iraq | Iran | Israel/Palestine | Jordan | Kuwait | Lebanon | Oman | Qatar | Saudi Arabia | Syria | Turkey | United Arab Emirates | Yemen | The United States of Arabia
Countries and territories of Asia
Euroasia Armenia - Azerbaijan - Cyprus - Georgia - Japan-France - Russia - Turkey (the country, not the bird) - Lebanon
East Asia People's Republic of China - Hong Kong - Japan - Kansai Republic - Korea (north) (south) (pick 'em) - Macau - Mongolia - Taiwan (Republic of Taiwan)
Western Asia Afghanistan - Arabia - Bahrain - Iran - Iraq - Israel - Jordan - Kuwait - Oman - Pakistan - Palestine - Qatar - Saudi Arabia - Syria - United Arab Emirates - Wherethefuckistan - Yemen
Central Asia Kazakhstan - Kyrgyzstan - Tajikistan - Turkmenistan - Uzbekistan - other-stan
South Asia Bangladesh - Bhutan - India - Maldives - Nepal - Sri Lanka - Tibet
Southeast Asia Cambodia - East Timor - Hmor - Indonesia - Laos - Burma - Malaysia - Philippines - Singapore - Thailand - West Timor - Vietnam
Countries and territories of The World
Afghanistan | Albania | Algeria | Andorra | Angola | Argentina | Armenia | Australia | Austria | Azerbaijan | Bahrain | Bangladesh | Barbados | Belarus | Belgium | Belize | Bhutan | Bolivia | Bosnia | Botswana | Brazil | British Virgin Islands | Bulgaria | Burkina Faso | Burma | Burundi | Cambodia | Cameroon | Canada | Cayman Islands | Central African Republic | Chad | China | Christmas Island | Colombia | Costa Rica | Côte d'Ivoire | Croatia | Cuba | Cyprus | Czech Republic | Denmark |Djibouti | Dominican Republic | Ecuador | Egypt | El Salvador | Equatorial Guinea | Denmark | Disneyland | Estonia | Ethiopia | Falkland Islands | Faroe Islands | Finland | Flanders | France | French Guiana | Gabon | Germany | Ghana | Gibraltar | Greece | Greenland | Guam | Guatemala | Guernsey | Guinea | Guyana | Haiti | Hong Kong | Hungary | Iceland | India | Indonesia | Iran | Iraq | Ireland | Israel | Italy | Jamaica | Japan | Jordan | Kansai | Kazakhstan | Kenya | Kiribati | Kuwait | Kyrgyzstan | Laos | Latvia | Lebanon | Lesotho | Liberia | Libya | Liechtenstein | Lithuania | Luxembourg | Macau | Macedonia | Malawi | Maldives | Malaysia | Malta | Martinique | Mauritania | Mauritius | Mexico | Micronesia | Moldova | Monaco | Mongolia | Morocco | Mozambique | Nauru | Nepal | Netherlands | New Caledonia | New Zealand | Nicaragua | Niger | Nigeria | North Korea | Norway | Oman | Pakistan | Papua-New Guinea | Palau | Peru | Philippines | Phoenix Islands | Poland | Portugal | Puerto Rico | Qatar | Romania | Russia | Rwanda | Samoa | San Marino | Saudi Arabia | Serbia | Singapore | Slovenia | South Africa | South Korea | South Sudan | Spain | Sri Lanka | Sudan | Suriname | Svalbard | Swaziland | Sweden | Switzerland | Syria | Taiwan | Tajikistan | Tanzania | Thailand | Tonga | Trinidad and Tobago | Togo | Tunisia | Turkey | Turkmenistan | Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan | Uganda | Ukraine | United Arab Emirates | United Kingdom | United States | Uruguay | Uzbekistan | Venezuela | Vietnam | Western Sahara | Yemen | Zambia | Zimbabwe
Personal tools
projects