Turkey
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| | UNAMERICAN |
| This article hates America, just like everyone else does. See more about Unamerica. Consequently, this article lacks much or any redeeming intellectual value. However, in spite of the fact that no one with an IQ exceeding that of a primordial sponge has contributed significantly to this article, it still contains more truth than most people would care to listen to. |
| |||||
| Motto: "Love in home, love in the world" | |||||
| Anthem: "The March of Futura" | |||||
| Capital | not Constantinople | ||||
| Largest city | Constantinopole | ||||
| Official languages | Arabic | ||||
| Government | Horde-ism, Tribal dictatorship | ||||
| Padishah | USA-ullah Gule | ||||
| Führer | Rajap Tayyeap | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Genghis Khan, Mohammed, Attila the Hun | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | 13rd Century | ||||
| Currency | Million Lira | ||||
| Religion | 100% Islam | ||||
| Population | 12 million (Just counted Constantinopolites, sorry.) | ||||
| Area | tent camp - 1.0 kmp | ||||
| Population density | People feels like Turks (75%), Kurds (20%), Circassians (4%), Assyrians (1%) | ||||
| Internet TLD | com.mie.tr | ||||
| Calling code | +900 | ||||
“We must revenge Armenians at all costs!!!”
~ Barack Obama on Turkey
“Kurdistan will become an independent nation!”
~ Celal Talebani on Turkey
Turkestan (Turkish: Türkistan) is a semi-nomadic, primitive khanate. Geographically, one can see that Turkey stretches from East Asia all the way to Kazakhstan. Additionally, upon conquering the Caspian Sea, Turkey also includes the underwater kingdom of fish. Though the Turkish khanate consists of a variety of different languages and cultures, it is only the people of Turkish origin that are the most sheep-psy.
Contents |
History
Anatolia was an ancient land inhabited by various people like Greeks, Armenians, Persians, Romans and so forth. During the timespan in which these great cultures and civilizations inhabited the land, "our friends" the Turks were living, their primitive pathetic nomadic life in the Altay Mountains.
One day, their leader got this great idea:
"Dude, Altay Mts are boring, all we do is stay in our tents and eat goat all day long! Let's go and invade Anatolia!!"
So they did! In a few years they multiplied like bunnies and started their way across Central Asia towards Anatolia, killing everything in their path.
Anatolia was part of the Byzantine Empire, the most civilized state at the time. The primitive Turks massacred Constantinople and took control over the land.
Through out history the Ottoman Empire which they established was called the Sick man of Europe and for a good reason.
As the multinational Ottoman Empire was losing its power and influence, the semi-nomadic Turks started to do some ethnic cleansing and killed 1.5 million Armenians, Assyrians, Kurds and Greeks, which were the rightful owners of the land.
The Turks were natural born cowards and instead of fighting they stabbed Armenians in the back!
People who hate the Turks
- Armenians - their wost enemy is Turkey
- Greeks - their worst enemy is Turkey
- Kurds - their worst enemy is Turkey
- Bulgarians - they hate Turks for being a large minority in Bulgaria
- Serbs - they hate Turks for the Ottoman Rule and spread of Islam
- Germans - they hate Turks for invading their country and multiplying like rats
- Austrians
- Swiss
- Romanians
- Russians
- Hungarians
- Albanians - they hate Turks for converting them to Islam
Historic personalities which hated Turks
- Stephen the Great, ruler of Moldavia, who fought the Turks 36 times and only lost two battles.
- Vlad the Impaler, ruler of Wallachia, who used to impale Turkish prisoners and messengers.
- Various other European leaders, which referred to the Ottoman Empire as the sick man of Europe.
Historic pals
- Azerbaijanis
- Iakuts
- Kazakhstanis
- Turkmenistanis
- Uzebekistanis
- Tatars
- Mongols
- Huns
- some Magyars and Bulgars
- some Muslims
Mount Ararat
Mount Ararat founded by Noah. It's a symbol of Holiness, which was stolen by the Armenians.
Turkey-USA relations
Football
Turkey's top soccer team is Beşiktaş. But since the Turkish First League is rated so low in the world, Beşiktaş is also one of the worst teams in the world.
They are currently on the verge of becoming the champion team in the Turkish soccer league, which obviously doesn't mean anything since the Turkish league is mostly Istanbul-dominated.
Their next goal is to win a single match in the Uefa Champions League preliminary phase, since they have no chance at ever qualifying for the group phase.
Turkish football started to improve when Romanian footballers like Gică Hagi, Gică Popescu and coach Mircea Lucescu decided to help their pathetic football.
Their football level dropped soon after they left Turkey.
The only chance that Turks have to win any match is to have a payed referee on their side.
See also
| Turkic States |
| Azerbaijan | Cyprus | Kyrgyzstan | Kazakhstan | Uzbekistan | Turkey | Turkmenistan |
| Countries and territories of Asia | |
|
Euroasia: Cyprus | Georgia | Japan-France | Russia | Turkey | The Filipino Empire Phoenician Asia: Lebanon Western Asia: Afghanistan | Armenia | Azerbaijan | Bahrain | Persia | Terrorism | The Holy Land | Far East | Iraq's Hide-out | Oman | Pakistan | Palestinian Territories | Qatar | Saudi Arabia | Syria | United Arab Emirates | Wherethefuckistan | Yemen Central Asia: The Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan | Kyrgyzstan | Mongolia | Tajikistan | Turkmenistan | Uzbekistan | other Stan countries South Asia: Bangladesh | Bhutan | India | Kashmir | Maldives | Nepal | The Wanker | Tibet Southeast Asia: Cambodia | East Timor | Indonesia | Laos | Malaysia | Mindanao | Myanmar | Philippines | Singapore | Thailand | Vietnam East Asia: China (PRC) | Central Korea | Hong Kong Phooey | Japan | Macau | Kimland | South Korea | Taiwan (ROC) | Wal-Mart's Republic of China | Republic of Taiwan | |
| North Africa | Algeria · Egypt · France · Libya · Morocco · Sudan · Tunisia · Turkish Empire · Western Sahara | |
| West Africa | Benin · Burkina Faso · Côte d'Ivoire · Ghana · Old Guinea · Guinea-Bissau · Library · Bob Marley · Mauritania · Niger · Nigeria · Senegal · Sierra Leone · Togo | |
| Central Africa | Angola · Cameroon · Belgium · Central African Republic · Chad · Democratic Republic of the Congo · Equatorial Guinea · Grab On · Republic of the Congo | |
| East Africa | Burundi · To Boogy · Eritrea · Ethiopia · Kenya · Madagascar · Malawi · Mauritius · Mozambique · Rwanda · Seychelles by the Seashore · Somalia · Tanzania · Uganda · West Kenya · Zambia · Rhodesia | |
| Southern Africa | Botswana · Gowandaland · Lesotho · Namibia · People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata · South Africa · Swaziland · Zululand· Zimbawe (AKA Rodhesia) | |
| Our Benevolent Ruler and Another One | United Kingdom : Gibraltar · Indian Ocean Territory · Isle of Wight · Welsh Congo (Pitcairn Islands) |
| Countries and territories of North America | |
|
Main: Atlantic: expanded United Kingdom of Britannia | Amerigo | Cillit Bang Territory
| |


