Turban

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Osama-bin-laden

There's probably a bomb in this man's turban.

A turban, also known as bulle in some cultures, or a Head Bomb to the members of Al-Qaeda is a headdress, usually for small midgets who like bombs. Within Islam, the appropriate punishment for a woman who wears a turban is stoning to death while wearing a turban of stones. More tolerant cultures would simply find the practice strange. In contrast, Jews are known to almost never wear turbans, preferring skull caps or brightly colored mandatory hats. Turbans have recently become more popular in the Muslim community as they are invaluable for storing bombs. The Danish press released illustrated diagrams of how to tie a bomb within a turban, which inadvertently angered Muslims worldwide as it 'gave their game away' and foiled many future plans to perpetrate terrorist atrocities using turban bombs. Turban bombs have a devastating effect when used. They are a thousand times more effective than atomic bombs, as they not only contain the bomb, but also a pungent/smelly/poisonous gas which poisons people over the course of a few years. Most Muslims, particularly those who are not religiously in-charge or are peaceful, do not wear turbans, but many angry Americans assume Sikhs to be Muslims and bash them because they associate turbans with Osama bin Laden. Little do they know, it was his plan all along to indirectly cause Sikhs to be bashed.

Turbans include a variety of magnificent, distictive smells, such as rotten eggs with spinach and onion on the side. The smells vary from wet farts to skunk poop. The most popular smell of 2009 so far is the 10-hour-curry-shit delight, which holds 10 different flavours garanteed to last for 10 hours of stink. For the soon-to-be turban-wearers, there is a special manufactured egg-turban. This is a lump on the head, wrapped in an oily, brown, sticky and wet cloth (freshly wiped). Inside, depending on the soon-to-be-turban-wearers likes and dislikes, a dozen eggs, wrapped in an Indian Online Dating Website printout. The teen turban-wearers are known to stuff their turbans with other things as well, like high school girls stuff their tiny bras. This especially attracts the hindi grandmas to the young, curry-eating turban boys. Another use of the turban is as toilet paper, which explains why they're so fucking long. Yes, one sheet of Plenty may do the job, but why waste money or camels on paper and use your turban!


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