From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Tupperware is a brand of containers made from a unique substance known as tupperium, the strongest substance known to man. It was invented in 1845 by Vermillion Tupper. Tupperware in 1917 was discovered to be very useless.
edit Discovery of Tupperium
Exact details of the discovery of tupperium are unclear. It was for sure discovered in the small town of Tupper,UT. Suffice to say, Vermillion Tupper was working in the lab, late one night, when his eyes beheld, a eerie sight, a plastic substance, strong as steel, a use for which he did reveal; "To store the mash! To store potato mash! And corned beef hash! This is an instant smash! And succotash! Maybe even goulash... but mainly mash! I'll be rolling in cash!"
With this merry tune in his head, Vermillion whistled all the way to the patent office. And thus, history was made.
edit Invention of Tupperware
Tupper now had only one thing: the patented formula for tupperium, Tupperium , and an idea. Tupper had two things, the formula for tupperium, an idea, and the will to see it through. Three things Tupper had: tupperium, an idea, and the will, and a way. Four things... wait I'll start again.
edit Invention of Tupperware
With the patented formula for tupperium fresh in his gloved hand, Tupper set to work. Weeks followed of moulding the strongest material known to man into box shapes, followed by swearing when the lid didn't fit snugly. Tupper had to make sure the boxes were airtight, but first, he had to discover air. The details of the discovery of air are long and boring and will not be covered here. Finally Tupper had struck gold, in the form of a working Tupperware prototype. The box was not perfect; the corners were rounded, and the lid tended to fold in on itself after prolonged use, but it worked. Modern Tupperware is still designed with rounded corners, as an homage to Tupper's first prototype. The job was done, now came the most important part. Arguably the most important part of any scientific endeavour.
edit Selling the idea
Tupper struggled for years to find an investor in his idea. He traversed the galaxy with his prototype, in a ship made of tupperium, on account of its airtight properties. No investor was to be found, however. The corners of the lid were now curving up so much that the box became increasingly hard to close. Again, modern Tupperware is designed this way, to symbolise Tupper's epic struggle. Downtrodden and dishearted, Tupper turned to his last recourse: the United States military.
edit Tupperware and the military
in 1942, the Second World War was well underway, and America had joined the fight. Military research scientists were rushing development of the atomic bomb. As part of this research, experiments using Tupperware in proximity to an atomic explosion were performed. It was found that Tupperware, and anything contained within it, was capable of surviving a nuclear holocaust. However, when an atomic bomb was placed inside the Tupperware and detonated, the effect was magnified greatly. When the first bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, in was encased in Tupperware, and lead to significant loss of life. Tupper was inconsolable when he learned of this, and vowed that never again would his special material be used as an instrument of death. It was then that Tupper coined the phrase, "With great power, comes great responsibility."
edit Tupperware released to the public
Following his experience with the military, Tupper decided to cash in on his product, the success and adaptabilty of which was now well-known. Tupperware was launched on May 27th, 1946, and was an overnight success. Therefore on May 28th, 1946, Tupper had made his millions and retired.
edit Tupperware Parties
The success of Tupperware was so overwhelming, that a party was held in honour of just how awesome it really is. Drinks were served from Tupperware tumblers, an indestructible dancefloor was constructed of tupperium, DJs were invited to spin records made of tupperium, and the party continued long into the night. At the climax, a gigantic effigy of Vermillion Tupper was created out of Tupperware boxes, and was worshipped as a god. Tupperware parties are now held annually, on a date determined by the phase of the moon, and have become a worldwide phenomenon, alongside Monopoly and bottled water
edit Tupper's legacy
Following Tupper's death, recognition was made of his great nobility in disallowing Tupperware's use in the military. To this effect, the Tupper Prizes were created, to award those who show similar great nobility and a desire to bring peace to humanity. Last year's winner was Topher Grace
edit Tupperware Trivia
- Tupper is widely acknowledged as one of those words that if you type it too many times, it starts to look wrong even though it's correct.
- Dogs cannot see Tupperware.
- Possession of Tupperware remains illegal in the state of Georgia.
- And that's all I know about Tupperware.
- Tup - verb - To consummate with a ewe.
- The End.