Truth about Lithuanians
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“Hmmm... no, I'm not a squirrel. But I can tell you some true things about Lithuanians, for example...”
~ Oscar Wilde on Lithuanians
“OH SHI-”
~ Osama Bin Laden on Lithuanians
Contents |
[edit] About trust
Lithuanians are always waiting to get something for free (authority, women or lottery prizes).
Lithuanians don't trust banks, the government, the USA, time, neighbors, friends, discounts, men in suits...
Lithuanians believe in the end of the world, a good president, and the dark side.
Lithuanians believe the earth to be triangular.
Landsbergis is to blame for everything.
[edit] About Agriculture
Agriculture is holy for Lithuanians.
Lithuanians originated from Indians, so cows are holy animals to Lithuanians.
Pork, grain, sugar-beets, and potatoes are holy as well, for similar reasons.
If a Lithuanian starts to raise pigs, grain, sugar-beets or potatoes, he must do it his entire life.
Agriculture is holy, so all money must be donated to agriculture (like to the church).
All rebels will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
Landsbergis is to blame for everything.
[edit] About the People
Lithuanians aren't people.
They're actually geneticly modified cyborgs sent to infiltrate our society and talk in the theater.
When angered, Lithuanians start to glow in the dark and spit chloric acid.
If a Lithuanian goes to work on monday, he's not Lithuanian.
Lithuanians believe that anything worth doing is worth hiring someone else to do.
Landsbergis is to blame for everything.
[edit] About Basketball
Basketball is a religion.
Basketball comes in many shapes and sizes, including beer, the remote control and a wife locked in the closet.
Everything that is not related to basketball is considered bullshit.
A basketball player can rape a women once a year if he's really good at basketball.
If Landsbergis was a baskerball player, i'd be worried.
[edit] About Lithuanian Consistency
A true Lithuanian studies only once in his life, and works in only one workplace (e.g. at home).
A true Lithuanian laborer works for beer (vodka is optional).
When large amounts of Lithuanians are killed, an accordion player climbs atop the bodies and plays the national anthem.
All Lithuanian weathermen are solar-powered.
Landsbergis is to blame for everything.
[edit] About Lithuanian Solutions to Problems
Many Lithuanians solve their problems by reducing blood pressure in other peoples heads and their own.
Other Lithuanians solve their problems by barricading roads, starving or burning themselves.
The rest just play tetris.
Lithuanian policemen don't use the "blood pressure reduction" method, they shoot themselves in public bathrooms.
Often, the cleaning lady is found crying in the corner.
Landsbergis is to blame for everything.
