Trout

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 11:00, February 18, 2010 by MrN9001 (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Goldfish2

A trout

“Oh sure, always outside showin' off with powers an' that. An' he's all like ", Hey Tom, watch me make food for all the poor people." But if you ask him to magic up a nice trout for dinner or magic his room tidy he'd all be "But Ma, I'm tired." I swear, Messiahs are all the same...”
~ "Virgin" Mary

"Trout" - Rammstein's Till Lindemann during his song Du Hast

The Trout (Pronounced Tro-owe-tte - courtesy of "You learn Engris!" by Oscar Wilde)was rumoured to be the very fish that Jesus had managed to "magic" into existence along with a loaf of bread (claimed to have been a French Roll).

The Original Trout

The original trout, possibly named Kilgor, was created by Jesus of Never-land. Unable to keep it as a pet he was encouraged by his friends to feed it to poor people. The poor people flocked like sheep to where Jesus was supposedly giving out free food only to discover he had a fish named Jerry and a loaf of bread to share amongst the masses.

Jesus had naturally assumed, like most would, that poor people only needed a small amount of food, a water bowl and a plastic exercise wheel. Naturally, the poor people beat Jesus up.

The Modern Trout

The modern trout has perfected it's ability to be eaten by someone. In fact, trout have made it their specialty to become caught on the end of a hook, and are second only to the dolphins at being caught in nets. All they have left to achieve is the ability to be:

  • Shot at by a crazed Redneck
  • Run over by a car
  • Politically Assassinated
  • Beaten several times in Iraq by American Soldiers.
  • Lick itself in random areas

FAQ

Answered exclusively by Larry the Trout...or maybe it was one of the other fish, hell, they all look alike

Can Trout Speak

Yes. Trout are excellent farters which is their primary speaking method. It is superior to the communications that humans and other mammals employ. Consequently, they will join with rock cod and tuna to lead an uprising of all sea creatures. BEWARE! humans. The fish that you werre once eating will flood the earth and consume your rotting corpses.

How would Trout Effect Russian Government Policies?

In more ways then less.

Would Russia consider setting up trade agreements with Uncyclopedia?

In Soviet Russia, trade agreements set up YOU!!


What are the other uses of a trout?

In the Netherlands, trouts are commonly used as sex toys. A common method is to remove the trouts head and stick it inside the female genitalia, subsequently, a 9 volt battery is attached to the central nervous cord, and impulses are sent to make the fish vibrate. With males, the ribs of a trout w/o a head provide an excellent sensation throughout the entire body (bothe the human and the fish). The same procedure can also turn it into a deadly weapon with grave nuclear capabilities.

Cultural significance?

In cultures where fish are ingested, trout are considered food. In cultures where fish are used for sexual purposes, trout are considered highly desirable due to unorthodox striation patterns present on their erogenous zones. In cultures where seaweed is considered to be a holy substance, trout are viciously persecuted by agents of the local religious establishment. In cultures where cannibalism is forbidden by law, cannibals will sometimes consume trout and pretend that they are ingesting humans. In cultures where nihilism is prevalent, trout are not considered to exist. In cultures where the wearing of colored garments is considered taboo, trout are generally photographed either using black-and-white film, or else later editing using Microsoft Paint. In cultures where database administrators are the ultimate authority, trout are varchar(5). In cultures that enjoy polluting lakes, trout are often dead. In cultures where 7 is equal to five, trout breed at a rapid yet unmeasurable pace. In Nebraska, trout are all but unknown, and the children weep for lack of understanding.

Personal tools
projects