Troll
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“Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill! ”
~ Typical Trollspeak
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[edit] The Troll
The common Wood-Troll, or Trollus Silvani is a large descendant of the Orangutan, minus fur. The troll began developing differently from the common jungle ape after the great Ape-Troll war of 2300 BC. In the final battle, the Battle of Smellyroot, Trolls were victorious, and forced their orange cousins to move to the jungle and begin populating it. Unfortunately, ancient city life did not suit the lifestyles of trolls very well, and they decided to also populate forests, thus resulting in another Ape-Troll war. The Trolls once again were victorious, but let the noble Orangutans populate the jungles of the southern hemisphere while Trolls would easily inhabit European and North American Forests. The two races would never speak of this again.
[edit] The Medieval Troll
During medieval times in Europe, the Troll endured many hardships. "Humans were generally quite barbaric during the years when they all had swords and chivalry," Says Troll professor J. Splitrock of Meathead University. "I remember my grandfather telling me tales of the humans back then..just terrible!" As it happens, many Trolls suffered at the hands of their human rivals during the Dark Ages. The most famous of these instances is the one which Trolls now call "Many Head-split on Forest Rock" and humans have dubbed: "The Great Purge." The Battle was fought at Stonehenge, a battle in which many Giants and Trolls, with the help of some goblins, fought armies of humans. All the medieval warlords of Britain, under the organization of King Arthur, had decided to purge the earth (or at least Britain) of Fantasy Creatures. King Arthur here made the famous remark: "If they're fantasy, they shouldn't be eating my sheep." The Trolls suffered terrible defeat at the hands of the warlords, and decided to settle deeper into the forest, and stop eating the King's sheep. This was a much-appreciated change for the humans, who decided to temporarily pardon the Trolls.
[edit] Trolls Today
The modern Troll is much more clever than his ancestor, and many have been known to get work in human environments, surviving fairly easily. With the emergence of Trolls in modern culture, human researchers have been able to uncover some truth about the gentle giant.
Trolls typically have their names tattooed on their nether regions. This is a result of Marital Rituals that date back to the early 19th Century. The details of these rituals are unclear, but many human beings do not wish to know the details, thus resulting in cases of Indifference and Disgust.
Trolls are hard workers, but are only known to work for Dark Lords, or "People Who Have Bigger Clubs." Many humans have asked Trolls of a certain favor or another. These humans are usually regarded as a tasty snack for the common Troll, and are eaten on the spot.
One notable gang of trolls, the Finnish band Finntroll, are noted for their bloodlust, jungle music, and hatred of all Christians, Vegetables, and Bright Lights. The Troll-organized band made it to #2 on the underground music charts for their song "Rock and Roll and Stab," defeated only by Magus' single, "That Magik Feeling." Modern Trollish Music (MTM) involves many heavy beats, and Trollish Wailing, either done by a soprano Troll, or a Banshee for hire. Trollish Dancing is also very common, sometimes required. Modern Trollish Music is considered unplayable by most humans.
[edit] Troll Organizations
The Modern Troll feels a need to become Organized. This means joining a club whose leader is a) the smarter one or b) "The one with the bigger stick." These organizations (or "Happy Clubs" in Trollspeak) are mostly devoted to creating Mischief. The most grandiose of these Happy Clubs is "We Make Bad," a web-based club which uses the internet to make the usual Trollish brand of chaos. Many other happy clubs have followed the example of We Make Bad, resulting in lots of useless junk the internet doesn't need. This phenomenon has become known to humans as "Trolling," or "Pissing people off on the forum." The Trolls call it "Stinkywrite," in tribute to their use of annoyance used to take over entire websites.
The humans aren't pleased.
[edit] Troll Habitat
Trolls today live wherever they can. Most occupy the sewers of big cities, where they can easily access internet from groundlines. Trolls are responsible for more power outages than they given credit for. This makes them very angry, as "Electric Smell" is their favorite underground game to play. (The details of this game are still unknown to us) Many Trolls still live in the forest, but they are seen as outdated by the city brand of Trolls.
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