Trinidad and _________
(Where the Heck did Tobago Run off to?)
Trinidad and Tobago
|Largest city||Super Bass City|
|Official language(s)||Spanish, Dutch, Californian and Trigonometry|
|His Mightiness||Lionel Trilling|
|National hero(es)||Gustaf Trincomalee, Brent Brazer, Queen Elizabeth II, and that dude selling sunglasses down the street|
|1962 from England who in turn took it from Spain and them from the Russian Federation|
- Were you looking for Tobago?
- So is everyone else actually...
“Where's the sled?”
Trinidad and Tobago is a tiny island nation off the coast of Cuba (even though most maps incorrectly place them of the coast off pitcairn islands, right next to the Southern Sandwich Isles, the reason for this is unclear)  and is surrounded on all sides by the Sovereign State of the Seven Seas making it a somewhat hard to reach place. Nonetheless it has been a former colony of Spain, England and except France for a well-known scientific fact: they're in the middle of nowhere.
|Achtung! Approved Information|
The information in this article has been approved by the Imperial German Education Ministry for distribution to English speaking subjugated nations. God Save the Kaiser!
Trinidad was first gazed upon by one, Columbus, who then moved on to Columbia without a second thought. The island was then found by some shipwrecked Dutchmen who then founded the Principality of Trinidade, a Military Despotism with bountiful fishing grounds. Not a single country noticed though, except Tobago who annexed it before the ink could dry on Trinidad's first taxation law because they wanted something to do. Later on the Trinidadians grew tired of the Tyranny of Tobago, those evil good for nothing scum who won't let us import molasses to make rum. So the Glorious Trinidadian Navy (Two fishing boats and a surfboard) paddled toward thy foul fiend, the only problem was that they couldn't find Tobago, and never have since. Then Trinidad (and more or less Tobago) changed hands between various countries, nations and corporations (the most prominent being Mecky Co.) until they were eventually forgotten by practically everybody and left to govern themselves. 
Now the nation of Trinidad and Tobago is mostly tropical with a slight westward breeze now and then and even sports a small mountain range and, wait just a second here Where is Tobago? It seems that half of Trinidad and Tobago is missing! (Or simply a third if you consider "and" relevant) Where the heck is Tobago? If you look at the map you can see Trinidad, but where is Tobago? Tobago is missing! It's called Trinidad and Tobago not Trinidad and Then More Trinidad! I've questioned the Secretary of Defense on this manner who remarked (after he glanced at the nearest map of his country) that Tobago is in fact, absent. Further investigation has shown me that no one knows where or what Tobago is or what it was or would or could have been Has anyone seen Tobago anywhere if ever? This question gets dumb remarks but it a major global crisis! Half of a country has gone missing and no one has noticed! Sure, most people don't care about what goes on outside of the Tri-State Area, but still! Half a Nation is Missing!
No one seems to have any answers at the present time, but Lionel Trilling, the current Royal Monarch and Despot of Trinidad and TOBAGO has put forth a $200,000 reward to whomever finds, gives information thereof and/or assists in finding the missing Tobago.
The Trinidadians and Tobagons are among the most innovated people on the planet, they were the first to make half of their country vanish with no one knowing and cure cancer (just stop the cancer patient from eating and they won't die of cancer). But by far the greatest invention to come out of Trinidad (and more or less Tabago) was the the infamous Yellow Car Game, in which occupants of automobiles score points by slapping opponents when spotting a yellow automobile during a journey. The sport has a strong amateur and grass-roots base with an estimated 76% of all car occupants in many villages participating in the sport on some level. It is extremely popular among young peoples.
- The game is only ever between two participants.
- After a match-up is agreed, all participants must engage in a pre-match "Trash-Talk" session.
- The length of the match is only limited to the what the participants agree. This means that one Yellow Car Game can theoretically last a lifetime. In fact, there are three matches currently "Active" that have been active for over 17 years.
- When a Yellow Car is spotted, the participant must slap the other participant in a Backhand style. The first to slap their opponent scores a point. Punching is allowed only in the professional leagues.
- Vehicles that are excluded from the game include Argos lorries, JCBs, Emergency Vehicles and partially yellow vehicles i.e. Those vehicles that are not mostly yellow. It is also pertinent to note that "Gold" cars are not Yellow cars. Often violent altercations can arise from disputes regarding the "Yellowness" of a vehicle. This can usually be tempered by using a designated judge.
- If a participant effects a "False Hit", a point is taken from them. False hits are where a player perceives a Yellow Car and strikes an opponent when the car is not yellow, but in fact an Argos lorry, which are usually a kind of weird fluorescent blue.
- Breaking the Rules is against the Rules.
The National Sport of Trinidad (and more or less Tobago) is remarkably, not the Yellow Car Game, but the Leaf Game. (Mostly because it allows for more then two players to play and plus with the rising price of oil people don't drive around as much as they used to)
The Leaf Game is a groovy little game that really kills time during boring school lessons. The premise is simple. You must leave the classroom undetected, go outside, get a leaf, come back (still undetected) and leave the leaf on your teacher's desk. That's pretty much all there is to it. The rules are basically very simple - if you get spotted, it doesn't count. But if you feel like playing seriously, or competing against your classmates, you can start using the points system explained below.
- Basic leaf run: 10 points
- Getting spotted by teacher at any time: Lose all points
- Leaving the room for a legitimate reason e.g. toilet: Lose all points
- Getting something other than a leaf: Lose all points
- Damaging school property in the process: Lose all points
- Making run while the lights are out: -4 points
- Making run during an experiment/demonstration: -2 points
- Arranging a diversion as cover for your run: -1 point
- Getting more than one leaf: No bonus
- Teacher does not notice leaf before end of lesson: +1 point
- Taking your school bag with you: +2 points
- Making more than one run in one lesson: +2 points for each additional run
- The leaf or leaves are still there the next day: +2 points
- Successful run from a room not on ground floor: +3 points
- If the teacher knows about the Leaf Game: +3 points
- If the teacher is on guard against the Leaf Game: +4 points
- Two people making runs simultaneously: +4 points for both people
- Going out the window: +4 points
- Going through a locked door or window: +5 points
- Taking more than five minutes: +5 points
If your school has few trees around, or it's not autumn, or you can't reach any of the leaves, anything will do. Pinecones are fine. Conkers, berries, small clean pebbles. However you must not get anything that is a) dirty, b) unsanitary or c) likely to make a mess of the teacher's desk. This is not a malicious game, the idea is not to annoy your teacher. Keep it clean.
Disclaimer: I accept no responsibility for disciplinary measures, damage to property or damage to grades incurred as a result of people playing this game... you alone are responsible for your actions, and you alone decided to play. The risk is a part of the game that you accepted when you began playing. And don't skip too much of your lessons, kids. You need to learn.
The capital of this small but proud country is Port-of-Spain which is really odd for it is not in Spain, nor owned by Spain, nor has anything to do with Spain. Currently there are many theories on why Port-of-Spain is called Port-of-Spain but the most popular is that Port-of-Trinidad-and-Tobago was simply way too long to fit on a street sign.
The main city on Trinidad is Trincomalee, which was named after Gustaf Trincomalee (That famous guy). Gustaf was so famous that the city of Trincomalee was named after him if you'd like to know. Trincomalee also holds the record for the only city named after Gustaf Trincomalee. Gustaf Trincomalee was in turn named after his home town of Trincomalee, Ceylon not to be confused with Trincomalee, Trinidad the difference being that Gustaf was named after Trincomalee, Ceylon and the other Trincomalee was named after Gustaf Trincomalee who was named after the previous Trincomalee. To make this even simpler Trincomalee was named after Gustaf Trincomalee who was named after a different Trincomalee.
Following the zeroth law of thermodynamics: If A=B and B=C then therefore A=C, we can skip the middle man, in this case Gustaf Trincomalee. So therefore Trincomalee, Trinidad was named after Trincomalee, Ceylon. This means that Gustaf Trincomalee never did get a city named after him and is therefore not worth remembering anymore, even though he cured cancer or something.
- ↑ Perhaps it's because Americans don't know squat about geography.
- ↑ Probably because America forgot where they even were.
- ↑ Okay, now we know Americans suck at geography...
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