“Trigonometry, that's the legal waterboarding right?”
“In Soviet Russia, trigonometry has no real life use for YOU!”
“I like to go on tangents and sin.”
Trigonometry (otherwise known as "Find the Length of this Shadow 101") is an evil discipline relating to the derivation of all of philosophy by constructing perpendicular bisectors to the unit line segment. It is conjectured that this segment was unceremoniously dumped into the African desert by Mario himself, marking the beginning of the Third Age.
There are a few possible etymologies for the word "trigonometry". One derivation reasons that the original Greek word tri means four, and gonos means arc, so five arcs are involved in all trigonometric equations, one of the arcs being a reserve one for in case one of the others goes missing.
Another derivation goes as follows: "Triga" is a sort of fish. "Nom" is French for "name," and Tree... well everyone knows what that is, so... Trigonometry is French fishes in trees.
Another school of thought holds that the name derives from the fact that it is so frustrating, it makes you want to put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. I mean God, this stuff is totally impossible. Triggernometry may have also been derived from computer games, since it is the study of where the heck a bullet flies based on the θ and the ϕ when a noob fires a gun.
Some theorize that through Procto-Analysis, a most discussed branch of Exploration, one can channel trigonometrical knowledge into formulas, to greatly improve one's erection and ultimately aiding in getting laid. Multiple times. By multiple women. In multiple ways.
SOHCAHTOA (Some Old Hippie Caught Another Hippie Trippin On Acid) is a neologism used by small minded/mentally challenged people to remember how to find the magnitude of the side of a right-angled triangle (as apposed to a wrong-angled triangle; this requires extensive use of hidden quotes from The Divine Comedy and a mushroom).
Other people just use an Electronic Calculator with an in-built scanner and 2500+ mathematical and physical preloaded formulas. Or they just do... somehow (please insert gasps of mystery here).
Here's Your Sine...GET IT!?!?! LOLLERSKATES!!
You wanted trigonometry, you got trigonometry!
“Well now this just makes no sense.”
“Shut up bitch, I'm not done yet.”
“Hey wait, that's not trig anymore!”
“no, no it isn't, it bullshit!”
- Pythagoras Theorem
- Euclid's Axioms
- Medieval Torture
- Trig Palin