Tribe Magazine

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

“What a fantastic magazine!”
~ Oscar Wilde on National Geographic Magazine

Tribe Magazine was a free print magazine originally distributed in The greatest city on earth, Canaduh from 1993 through to 2005. The magazine featured nude photography, music, CD reviews, high school dances and club listings. The magazine was eventually deemed useless and thus was killed off, ironically, after the success of the online presence was realized. The online presence is sadly... a message board.

edit Magazine

Tribe Magazine's beginnings coincided with Toronto's fledgling rave scene. Supposedly the name was coined after it's founder observed feral rave kids roaming the streets of the city looking for a party to get Tribal at. Upon closer examination, the founder discovered an underground fight club where spears and djembe drums were used in techno-industrial territorial battles.

In 2004, it boasted a circulation of 100,000 readers a month. In reality, the magazine was published bi-monthly and only about 10 people really cared what the magazine had to say. The other 999,990 individuals shredded the paper up for cheap pet-litter

edit Message Board

While the print version of the Magazine no longer exists, Tribe lives on in the form of an internet message board. Many of the users like to think it gained international exposure, when in June and July of 2004 a member allegedly witnessed that pansy-ass Russell Crowe causing a scene at a local bar [1]. It should be noted that, the very same witness was the douchebag that took a phone in the face by Mr. Crowe. Then again, who hasn't been hit in the face with a phone, by him? what an asshole.

If anything, the message board is a suppository of thoughts and feelings completely on par with your typical emo-kid living at home. The rest of the content that isn't based upon such emotastic bullshit, is totally unrelated to anything resembling the ideals that inspired the finding of the magazine. Despite many being yuppie douchebags, and despite having no rave scene to reflect on, a large percentage of the users remain on the board, clinging to the false hope that they will be able to reverse their aging and go back to the good old days of when they were in college, doing lines of ketamine and eating pills like as if they were pac-man. When posts aren't about beastiality, pornstars, a combination of both, or which other member they slept with and the STD they caught, the board is host to a wide range of media stolen from other message boards.

edit The People of Tribe

The people of tribe are not diverse. For the most part lack a common trait: Common Sense. They also have in common another trait: they are spoiled upper middle class kids who go clubbing every weekend and do blow like it's 1987. Most of them have no sense of the world that surrounds them. They are totally oblivious to political, social and economic realities effecting Canadians. In fact a good portion hold conservative views which completely contradict what the electronic culture stands for (liberal free lifestyle without judgment).

edit Notable Banned Users of the Tribe Magazine Message Board

Sadly, the following users were actually banned for these very real reasons. That in itself is... HILLARIOUS!

  • sea - Banned for wishing happy birthday to Hitler and threatening to kill alexd.
  • universalmetropolis - An incarnation of sea, also banned for threatening to kill alexd.
  • pukka - Banned for general anti-tribe and anti-alexd behaviour. Possible protégé of sea.
  • soju - Banned for inventing a story about being assaulted by someone known to other users and general anti-tribe behaviour; was also banned from the Hullabaloo (rave) board for stalking/threatening Anabolic frolic. Known for periodic returns under other now-banned Tribe aliases.
  • D-Monic - Tribe Message Board creator and former Tribe Magazine Messageboard moderator. Banned for arguing unfair and uneven enforcement of posted rules, which led to a notable online argument and the temporary destruction of the breaks forum.
  • OM Festival - Banned for an argument with alexd over philosophical differences.
  • craig pettigrew - Banned for non-payment of advertising fees.
  • evil dynovac - Banned for posting a picture of tubgirl.
  • lucid niteclub - Banned for stealing alexd's ideas after meeting with him over false advertising promises.
  • disco stu - Banned himself after calling everyone a loser and threatening to beat up deep. came back as mikeinflames, but was discovered and subsequently banned.

edit Lucid Niteclub

It should be noted that in beautiful piece of cosmic irony, Lucid Niteclub was "evicted" and the parent company closed up operations in Toronto. Lucid now lives on in memory as a failed superclub.

edit Notable Members (AKA Less disreputable members)

-- though, some may argue on whether they are disreputable or not

  • Ditto Much - Generally exempt from any creepy status or moron status regardless of what he says. Indulgence, experience, and Nebraska are his credibility points.
  • DIWC - Source of raging debate concerning whether she's a bitch or super-nice. Actual status unknown.
  • Kinger - Known for his perceived dislike of all things tribish, and his ability to post endless shirtless pictures of himself...... and his girlfriends!!!
  • Zanta - not really a member of the board, but everyone talks about him incessantly, so he might as well be one.
  • Michlerish - banned for starting as a refuge for banned tribers and generally more sensible posting rules
Personal tools