Triangle Hero

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Triangle Hero is a console game based on the popular title Guitar Hero. It was released in November 2009 to a rave review from "Triangle World", giving it an impressive 64%.

Triangle Hero has been deemed far more satisfying than Guitar Hero by everyone. In Triangle Hero you are part of numerous 18 to 120 man set piece orchestras and must play your triangle in the correct way at the correct time of each tune.

The Game

As you progress through the game your ranking takes you from High School Orchestra up to being part of the Russian Symphony Orchestra. Upon successful completion of all levels you are then eligable for a secret level where you play a solo at Wembley Stadium in front of several thousand power metal fans who are expecting to see Dungeon, Helloween and a girl's Boobies. If you play the solo with more than a 3.451 note hitstreak you can see a girls boobies in a cutscene, although this has been cleverly hidden so people older than the age of 3 cannot see it.


Some tunes (such as Queen - Dont Stop Me Now) do not have a triangle part and are simply in the game to confuse and entertain the player.

Cheat codes are posted on the front door of a few Jewish homes throughout Alaska.

Aftermarket triangle controllers are available in stores now, such as:

  • MrGeo - Progrip ($799)
  • <<construction>>
  • gamestop-The satan store


Triangle Hero features over 9000 songs, including numerous hymns and Bible passages, including the part where vegetables kill half of the korean army.

There are four skill levels, from easiest to hardest:

  • Equilateral
  • Isosceles
  • Scalene
  • Cement Mixer

Cracked Game

There are rumours that an internet cracked version of Triangle Hero is available that allows you to have a threesome with Noel Edmunds and Britney Spears if you correctly play the three secret triangle sounds in Track 127 - Cannibal Corpse - Decaying Bride.

The game producers have as yet neither confirmed or denied this.

There is another secret in the cracked version where if you play Track 49 - Heroes of our Time - Dragonforce on Expert 100%, without making a mistake, you unlock a secret level where you battle Sam Totman and Herman Li in a Triangle Battle! This is easy to pass as Herman Li actually tries to play the guitar while holding the triangle and not a guitar, ending up failing, bashing Sam Totman over the head with the triangle and then Sam Totman rans away like a girl before returning with John Key and ending up beating the living shit out of Herman Li. With this sub-plot it is not hard to appreciate that winning this level is considered easy.

Reception

This game has been banned in Israel where the Triangle (shape) is deemed illegal. An underground peace movement attempting to bring Triangular objects into Israel in the early parts of 2008 from the Gaza territory resulted in the the Isreali Invasion of Gaza in the winter of 2008.

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