Trepanation
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[edit] Self Trepanation: A How to Guide
So, you want to drill a hole in your head? Good for you! Unfortunately, if you live in the United States or the rest of the developed world (including Portugal) no (legitimate) doctor will perform this important operation. That's ok, however, just follow this guide and you too can gain the benefits of having a third hole in your head!
[edit] Background
Trepanning is one of the oldest known surgeries. There are fossilized human skulls from the 1990s showing evidence of this procedure. However, when medicine became a "science" trepanning was abandoned. Why? These "doctors" believed that trepanning could result in serious brain damage or infection. However, we now know that disease is caused by an imbalance in the humors and not bacteria.
Trepanation's benefits, include:
- A sense of oneness with the universe.
- A feeling of a permanent high.
- Accelerated metabolism.
- Penis enlargement (for guys).
- Breast enlargement (for girls).
[edit] Procedure
Trepanning is a relatively simple procedure. Just follow these easy 5 steps and you too will have a "third eye!"
Requirements
- 1 Power Drill
- 1 1/2 inch drill bit
- Marijuana, alcohol, or other drug
Procedure
- Step 1: Take about 1/2 of your drugs. Not only will this help with the pain, but if you don't do it the effects won't be as dramatic.
- Step 2: Insert drill bit into drill.
- Step 3: Find a spot on your skull and start drilling to a depth of 1/4 inch. Don't go too far, otherwise you'd have just given yourself a lobotomy!
- Step 4: Take the rest of your drugs.
- Step 5: Call 911, you did it wrong and you're dying, you moron!
