Tree of Knowledge

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The Tree of Knowledge is a brand new paradigm for categorizing the entirety of human knowledge in an easily accessible format, and will soon replace the archaic and non-politically-correct Dewey Decimal System.

Binary Classification

In this new system, every single concept will be assigned a unique 40-digit binary number based on a standardized yes/no questionnaire, with 40 questions. All of the questions are of the form "Is it xxx?", where "xxx" is a three-letter adjective.

The First Three Levels of the Tree of Knowledge


                                +--hot----->
                                |
                    +--big------+
                    |           |
                    |           +--not-hot->
        +--red------+
        |           |           +--hot----->
        |           |           |
        |           +--not big--+
        |                       |
        |                       +--not-hot->
(root)--+
        |                       +--hot----->
        |                       |
        |           +--big------+
        |           |           |
        |           |           +--not-hot->
        +--not red--+
                    |           +--hot----->
                    |           |
                    +--not big--+
                                |
                                +--not-hot->

The Standardized Questionaire of the Tree of Knowledge

  1. Is it red?
  2. Is it big?
  3. Is it hot?
  4. Is it old?
  5. Is it bad?
  6. Is it dim?
  7. Is it mad (i.e., angry)?
  8. Is it fat?
  9. Is it law (i.e., legal)?
  10. Is it let (i.e., rented out)?
  11. Is it fed (i.e., not hungry)?
  12. Is it wet?
  13. Is it aft (i.e., astern)?
  14. Is it hid (i.e., out of sight)?
  15. Is it fit (i.e., healthy)?
  16. Is it sin (i.e., very naughty)?
  17. Is it Nip (i.e., Japanese)?
  18. Is it shy?
  19. Is it sad (i.e., unhappy)?
  20. Is it far?
  21. Is it due (i.e., payable)?
  22. Is it lax (i.e., not strict)?
  23. Is it mod (i.e., modern)?
  24. Is it off (i.e., non-operative)?
  25. Is it art?
  26. Is it gay?
  27. Is it oak (i.e., made of wood)?
  28. Is it Wop (i.e., Italian)?
  29. Is it gas (i.e., gaseous)?
  30. Is it soy (i.e., resembling tofu)?
  31. Is it low?
  32. Is it hip (i.e., trendy)?
  33. Is it God?
  34. Is it apt (i.e., appropriate)?
  35. Is it rap (i.e., spoken to the sound of jungle drums)?
  36. Is it foe (i.e., an enemy)?
  37. Is it Rod (i.e., Rod Stewart)?
  38. Is it kin (i.e., related to me)?
  39. Is it goy (i.e., non-Jewish)?
  40. Is it fun?

Example

God can be represented using the following string of numbers:

0101001110110110010100010000000011000000

This is a far more convenient way to label God, and using this code God can be scanned at the checkout, saving customer time.

Is It Big Enough?

It has been estimated by mathematicians with way too much time on their hands that this grandiose scheme is sufficient to encode a whopping 1,099,511,627,776 (+/- 1) individual concepts. Unfortunately, what with the hyperexponentially-expanding Uncyclopedia database, the total amount of human knowledge will most likely exceed the present capacity of the Tree of Knowledge within the next few hours. When that horrible time of reckoning arrives, an expanded tree (Tree of Knowledge 2.0) will be prepared that will rate all known knowledge by giggle value.

See Also

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