Tree Court E
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 The Manchester banner
| |
| Motto: "We Came, We Saw, We came all over their faces" | |
| State | England |
| Official languages | Drunken |
| Established | 2008/2009 |
| Currency | Booze/Drugs/Wenches |
| Opening hours | Always Open (Unless you're DUFF) |
| Civic anthem | "Lads on tour" |
“I'd rather rather live in Baghdad than Oak House ”
~ Genius
“I Think that God, in creating Tree Court E, Somewhat underestimates his ability ”
Tree Court E is a sunny, warm and friendly country located somewhere between the Wonderful world of Scouseland and Tup North. Madchester is sometimes known as Moss Side or Manchester, or (relating to the new supercasino) "The Three Cherries". Manchester also has one of the highest rates of interbreeding (the most is in Birmingham) and no gun crime (Nottingham holds the title of Gun Capital), whatever the lying southeners like to say about this. Interbreeding causes the genetic pool to dwindle, and this can be seen when Birmingham residents come to the city to see what a real city should look like and realise they're not in Liverpool. The local priest has called for Manchester to be twinned with Hell in the hope that hell will take notes, adapt a Madcunian approach to living and a new sense of pride can be had down there.
Contents |
[edit] Geography and Agrigultural Demographics
[edit] History
[edit] Ecstasy riots
In 2001, following a highly successful promotion by Sky Television, an estimated 27% of Manchester households acquired satellite television receivers in a period of just 7 weeks. On August 14th, an episode of COPS showed a large shipment of ecstasy being seized by Sheriff John Burnell in Manchester, Georgia. A large number of residents believed this to have occurred in their town, and many went out immediately to search for a supply, before it dried up. More than 700 people died in the resulting riots, including 100 who had barricaded themselves in the Rovers Return pub. When surrounded by police who'd learned that they had each acquired between 2 and 4 pills, they quickly decided to swallow the evidence and deny everything. Subsequently, the average IQ increased by 3 points.
[edit] The Cheese Wars
[edit] Successes
[edit] Sporting Prowess
[edit] Architecture
It is said that Madchester boasts the best array of architecture in the country with the likes of the Arndale and Levenshulme, even better than Liverpool with their Super Lamb Banana. In recent times the city imposed a strict rule that only allows glass apartments to be built, which results in the city's architectural style of "post-Victorian neo-Euro-contemporary modernism". Nowadays the builders of Madchester are only able to build apartments as living in Moss Side is quite heavenly. Citizens don't take kindly to bulldozing their old Victorian buildings and burying the city in concrete, as everyone knows no city in England would want to follow the Birmingham way. So many historical gems remain, such as Piccadilly station, overpowering the Brum's New Street station which is comparable to Baghdad.
The city is known for it's craze for building skyscrapers, trumping neighbors such as London, London and Madchester.
[edit] Transport
Madchester boasts an adequate transport system. With the influx of traffic from the Traffic Centre, other forms of transport are popular. Including Unicycles, Ostrich riding, Piggiebacks, Sewage surfing and warp drive.
Madchester has 89 train stations. However only four are left operable after the chavs conquered most of them in an attempt to increase pedestrians within the city (thus increasing the number of theft victims).
Since the demise of the Ring’n’Rim’Ride bus system in 1995, the people of Madchester have found other ways of getting around. A vehicle called the "Nincompoopian" was discarded after receiving the prestigious Shit-sack award for worst invention of the century and people began hay-balling. Hay-balling started when Trevor Kunkle, a crank maker, stole some hay from a farm in Liverpool. He took the hay and proceeded to wrap it around his body, fixing it in place with duct tape. Once he achieved a firm round shape, he rolled himself down a hillside. This idea took off and soon everyone in Madchester was hay-balling to and from work and school. Eventually the farmers of Liverpool had enough of people making-off with their hay. Guards wearing football cleats and armed with whips, tennis raquets and attack-goats were placed strategically around the perimeter of Liverpool and the practice of hay-balling was put to rest.
Therefore most people use the world famous Metro link. Described as “the love child of a train and a Reliant Robin” by Sir Nicky Butt in 1997, the Metro Link serves as the chariot of the tramp. Free for all who don’t want to pay, it takes people from anywhere in Madchester to such glorious locations as Altrincham, Eccles, Bury and France.
There are flaws with the Metro such as the lack of any Chav Defence System, meaning that travel can get dangerous/annoying. However most tourists agree that leaving Madchester on a Metro is “the best part of the trip”.
Transport in Greater Manchester is operated by GUMPTY (Going Up My Passage To Yours) a privately funded public partnership (the public gives a private company all the money and we're left with a few rotten old busses left over from On The Buses belching out exhaust fumes from burning passengers on Oxford Road) which oversees the running of expensive reports into lavish transit schemes that never happen.
[edit] Tourist Attractions
Madchester has many famous attractions for tourists that are visiting the city. Here is a brief selection.
Deansgate
The proud showpiece / ringpeice of Madchester and the best place outside London. Common first impressions includes 'Crikey, its uglier than a rectal prolapse' and 'fuck me, I should have stayed in Hull.'
[edit] The Madchester Stupid Idiots Museum
Home of the famous people that were born in Madchester, or have been famous as a result of being in Madchester. As they are such stupid idiots they are trapped inside the museum even though there is an easy way to get out. Many can be seen wandering around, and you can even ask them questions. Such people are: footballer David Beckham, You, A man who thought a train would stop if he stood in front of it, and many many more.
[edit] Gay Street
A short back passage, just off Princess Street, where heterosexuals go to gawp at The Gays. Now designated a Site of Scientific Infest by the Department Of Boys. This article is actual truth. Do not believe otherwise.
The founders of gay street were born in 3 billion B.C and are believed to have the names Alasdair williamson (actual Mancunian) and Michael Keefe, Bristolians who were so jealous of the coolness of Manchester, they tried to become Mancunian by creating this road.Their names are inscribed on the entrance to gay street.
To add further to the absolute truth the main street in The Gay village was aptly named Canal Street. After being a renouned place of gay gatherings the local populous went out armed with tip-ex and removed the C and S to read Anal treet.
[edit] Beat'ham Tower
For 43 years Madchester held the record for the tallest council house outside of London, the CIS (Chavs In Salford coz there ain't no chavs 'ere) Tower. However in 2006 it lost this title to Birmingham Clown Circus, which was made taller with a sign on the rooftop saying "Fuck off, we are the second city". Enraged, Madchester later that year completed a taller building, twatting Birmingham's tower by miles, with a screen projection on the front reading, "We're gonner get Noel Gallagher on yer". The tower has been named the Beat'ham tower to remind the Brummies that no-one messes with Madcunians.
This resulted in a riot bit of fisticuffs in Birmingham, set off by Noel, ensuing the local village council to build taller buildings, using newfangled materials such as "steel", instead of their traditional concrete, but so far met with no progress.
It also doubles the world's tallest slidy-fronted phone.
[edit] Religion
Baggy is the official religion of Madchester, although house does have a small and all too vocal following of late.
Madchester is also known for its competitions to see who can out chav each other, that's why Madchester became off limits to the world (Seconds later the rest of the world rejoiced).
Stockport is a cult started in 1992 following the discovery of ancient Roman artifacts. The discovery was made by Mr. Burnard Manning on an archaeological dig in the south Madchester wastelands.
After presenting his discovery to the archaeological foundation society, many people thought this unearthing was a sign from the prophet "Bræbure" who warned of the coming of the apocalypse, or "þryīngtoān".
Followers made settlements close to the findings and named it after the prophet "Bræbure" or "Bredbury" in hope of spiritural enlightment and protection from the apocalypse, but soon after their arrival, there was a dispute regarding incest. Later that day it was agreed that some were to leave and make another settlement nearby to carryout their practice undisturbed. This settlement was dubbed as "þryīngtoān" or "Brinnington" in spite.
[edit] See also
Barmy British Stuff 
