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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Travelodge.


~ Granada Television on the takeover of Forte Travelodge

Hello Moto

~ Travelodge after the Granada de-merging


~ Travelodge customer

Travelodge is a chain of budget hotels in the United Kingdom and some other places which was owned by the Lord of Forte. Then a TV company stole it from him, who, in turn, realised they were a TV company and not a hotel company and they ended up being owned by Moto, which sounds like a mobile telephone company but it's not. The selling out story continued, but it gets boring so, cutting a long story short, it's now owned by some Arabs.

edit The 'Safer Hotel'

Recently important people at the company realised that running a hotel business was really quite expensive. This was mainly because the people who only have the budget to stay in a budget hotel are inherently stupid and will do pretty much anything with anything and manage to injure themselves in the process. So Travelodge embarked on a new business strategy to create the ultimate hotel where it was virtually impossible for anyone to do any damage to themselves or others.

The 'Safer Hotel' strategy works on the following health and safety principles.

  • No restaurant - You may get food poisoning
  • No toiletries - They're so small you might think they're sweets and swallow them.
  • No toilet paper - Paper wraps stone so it must be dangerous.
  • No toilet - Stops kids trying to mimic a certain scene from the movie Trainspotting
  • No shower - You might get knifed to death.
  • No shower curtain - It may inhibit the emergency services.
  • No bath - You might drown.
  • No sink - That's what the Titanic did and look what happened there!
  • No water - Especially 'hard' water
  • No bathroom - Not really much point.
  • No desk - You might bang your knees.
  • No chair - Chairs promote incorrect posture
  • No wardrobe - You may find yourself in a magical land and get abducted by a strange pale-faced lady on a sleigh.
  • No hangers - You might hang yourself.
  • No television - You might get square eyes.
  • No heater - No idea why they don't have these.
  • No sockets - Again, this one alludes us all.
  • No bed - You might die in your sleep.
  • No bedroom door - You might trap your fingers.
  • No bedroom - Empty rooms are still dangerous.

Consequently it was decided that the safest option for Travelodge's customers was simply not to build a hotel. This saved the company millions of pounds a year in employment, construction and general running costs. Travelodge now charge £50 a night for people to sleep in a field. These fields can be literally anywhere including farm land, a national park, or someone's back garden. Travelodge still offer complementary towels as no one has worked out how to maim themselves with one of these, yet. They also offer a complementary tent, although refuse to supply ropes or tent pegs with them as you may trip over and strangle yourself.

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