“I am hot with desire Stanley”
~ A Tram Called Trevor

By law in California, only Mickey Mouse is licensed to steer a tram.

A Tram is a species of train that travels on roads on metal rails. It doesn’t give a crap about cars; they are endangered, being hunted by those damn buses. They are old pieces of crap that really no cares about. They are the main transport of nostalgic people and people trying to evade a rabid animal.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Tram.

Tram is short for 'Trambulator'. It is not related to transvestites, though people who like trams are called 'Trammies' or 'Tramvestites'. It is also not to be confused with Bus Spotters.

Why Trams?Edit

Trams are related to trains in that they both rely on rail lines to move around. Trams are still popular in Europe, even though they are neither as fast as a train nor as versatile as a bus. In many countries trams are considered to be novelty rides at fun fairs or a way of moving around San Francisco if you don't like climbing or driving up hills. There trams are called 'Streetcars' and are objects of unexplained lust.

Trams once existed in many cities like London and New York. They were declared illegal by politicians in the 1950s as a 'danger to pedestrians' and oil companies, so they were ripped up and replaced with motor vehicles that barely managed 2 miles to the gallon.


Trams hiding from buses.

Today the last few trams live in fear of buses.

Wild TramsEdit

Trams have gained a reputation for wild living. All that rattling around encouraged hysteria on public transport. It was thought trams were encouraging public immorality and giving people the false notion that once everyone was on board, the world was a more equal place.

In many countries laws were created to control trams as they trundled around. This led to...

Tame TramsEdit

Tame trams are the ones you can now find in amusement parks. These are trams that won't kill or bite you. This means children can safely play pushing each other in front of an oncoming tram without injury. Also, Mickey Mouse.




Tramvestites are extreme passengers who dress up to go on trams for thrills and spills. In San Francisco they like to hang out and hit other pedestrians and especially cyclists. Authorities in some countries want to stamp this out but they have discovered it does encourage tourism. This has led to an uptick in the use of trams for more practical reasons like going to work.

Back from extinctionEdit

Modern trams have now made a return to streets in many cities. These new ones are sleek and sexy and a million miles from the old bone shakers. Now it is buses that look old fashioned.

A word on Trolley BusesEdit