Trabant

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“The Trabant is the best Car in the World. Victory to the DDR”

~ East German Ministry of Propaganda on The Trabant

“This car is sh*te, its too gay even for me!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Driving the Trabant

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Trabant.

Trabant's Maybach stretched limo was built for the Russian gangster market.

The Trabant was an East German car-like vehicle. In reality, it was more like a lunch box with the starter motor of a lawn mower as engine. It could accelerate from 0 to 100km/h on the same day and was the only vehicle known to man, that had the squashed insects on the rear window rather than the wind screen.

While most of the Known World never knew about the Trabant, it was very popular in East Germany. In fact it was so popular, that the waiting period for delivery was slashed to only three weeks. However it still took a year for the car to reach it's destination.

According to reports, the little blue puffs of blue smoke coming out of the exhaust pipe of the Trabant, were mistaken for smoke signals by some. This caused an international incident at one stage, when an American tourist of Sioux descent was highly offended by the apparent insults coming from a Trabant, which was stopping at a set of traffic lights. The situation could eventually be defused, after an interpreter, who was called to the scene, could clarify that the car was actually talking in a rare Apache dialect and was being friendly with the Tourist.

[edit] The End of an Era

Late-model Trabant with VW engine.

After East-Germany had been purchased by West-Germany, a newer model of the Trabant was released, this time actually featuring an engine. The first version of the new car was a failure because the VW-built engine proved to powerful for the Trabant's cardboard chassis and took off without it. Even though the second attempt was better thought through, it was still no real success. The chassis had been strengthened with sticky tape but still nobody wanted to buy the car. Only after a clever marketing executive had the brilliant idea, to use coloured sticky tape instead of the clear variety and label the car as "Rallye Edition", sales skyrocketed to three. Unfortunately, this success was short lived as well. As it turned out, the manufacturers had not put enough "rallye stripes" on the car, so during the first run in a rallye event, one of the drivers lost control of the car on a high speed strip, doing nearly 14km/h. The car ended up in a horse paddock, right next to a pile of horse droppings. One of the horse apples was asking the Trabant what he was supposed to be and it said: "I'm a car". When the horse apple heard that, it started laughing and announced: "If you're a car, then I'm a Granny Smith." [1]. After this incident, all Trabants were pulled out of the race (and out of the paddock for that matter) and production of the Trabant was limited to the Trabant FuckYou (a wagon) and the Trabant Fuckup (a pick-up).

[edit] Interesting facts about the Trabant

Trabant built a small number of SUVs in 1998.

• There was a sport edition af the Trabant, it came with a pair of tennis shoes.

• The Trabant is the world’s first truly bio-degradable automobile.

• If you put a Banana in a Trabant, the value will skyrocket for three weeks, until the banana rots.

• If His Holiness, the Dalai Lama were to own any sort of car, it'd be the Trabant.

• If you hold a Trabant up to your ear, you can hear the ocean.

• The cars in I, Robot are actually modified Trabants, not Audis.

• As is the Batmobile. And KITT from Knight-Rider.

• It only has 26 horsepowers under the engine. 30 would have resulted in a fatal explosion.

• It is the only car which is never fatal when driven drunk. This is because if you hit a pedestrian, you will more likely die because the car will be crushed by them...

[edit] Trabants in pop culture

There was once a movie called Go! Trabi! Go!, about a guy who is trying to get his Trabant to start up so he won't be late for work.

The single horsepower "Rallye Sport" version was a popular model, shown here as an open cabriolet

[edit] Links to important information about the Trabant

• Der Trabant